help with sn

[almostnohopeleft.]

Hi guys

I wanted to cbt with chloroform the other night, and i was discouraged from doing so without enough preparation. Thing is, that was the time. My parents put me on a plane and forced me to go to college the next day, and now I'm stuck in a dorm room alone. The transition has been absolutely detrimental to my progress and a world of hurt. Their solution? "Get counseling" "Take meds" Aghhh. Meds and counseling won't change my entire life around. They won't make me think clearly and work towards what I want.

My parents saw that I ordered that book, and freaked out. He threatened to send me to the mental hospital- and transition that would do more bad than good. I'm not even suicidal because I'm mentally ill. I'm suicidal because shit is moving in the wrong direction and has been for so long that I'm so anxious. What is need is love and support from the people around me, not introducing new ones to "talk to". Hell, my main problem is a lack of meaningful relationships. I'm dealing with a situation so stressful I think anybody in mine would scream. I NEED TO BE TREATED LIKE A NORMAL FUCKING PERSON. PEOPLE WHO ARE SUICIDAL AREN'T CRAZY for crying out loud!

Anyway, I can't order anything with my debit card anymore, because I think they saw it. So, I gotta work in stealth mode. What are your guys recommendations? I've read mostly everything but I guess now I can't

I'm only resorting to this because I don't see a future where I can be me and be happy. Where this anxiety will be truly acknowledged and where I'm not gaslighted for having real, valid thoughts that others in my situation would have. It's beyond frustrating. All their options are anxiety-inducing. Mine won't be acknowledged and accepted by then. So I'm done. And completely at peace with my decision. I don't want to suffer any more, and having the support that makes me feel whole again and encourages that path of life clearly isn't an option. I hope my decision is respected. I am suffering. I would like it to end. Doing anything other than listening to exactly what I need won't achieve that.

random idea, but I could even venmo somebody if they could buy it and ship it to me LOL.

 

[Captive of Mind]

Hi guys

I wanted to cbt with chloroform the other night, and i was discouraged from doing so without enough preparation. Thing is, that was the time. My parents put me on a plane and forced me to go to college the next day, and now I'm stuck in a dorm room alone. The transition has been absolutely detrimental to my progress and a world of hurt. Their solution? "Get counseling" "Take meds" Aghhh. Meds and counseling won't change my entire life around. They won't make me think clearly and work towards what I want.

My parents saw that I ordered that book, and freaked out. He threatened to send me to the mental hospital- and transition that would do more bad than good. I'm not even suicidal because I'm mentally ill. I'm suicidal because shit is moving in the wrong direction and has been for so long that I'm so anxious. What is need is love and support from the people around me, not introducing new ones to "talk to". Hell, my main problem is a lack of meaningful relationships. I'm dealing with a situation so stressful I think anybody in mine would scream. I NEED TO BE TREATED LIKE A NORMAL FUCKING PERSON. PEOPLE WHO ARE SUICIDAL AREN'T CRAZY for crying out loud!

Anyway, I can't order anything with my debit card anymore, because I think they saw it. So, I gotta work in stealth mode. What are your guys recommendations? I've read mostly everything but I guess now I can't

I'm only resorting to this because I don't see a future where I can be me and be happy. Where this anxiety will be truly acknowledged and where I'm not gaslighted for having real, valid thoughts that others in my situation would have. It's beyond frustrating. All their options are anxiety-inducing. Mine won't be acknowledged and accepted by then. So I'm done. And completely at peace with my decision. I don't want to suffer any more, and having the support that makes me feel whole again and encourages that path of life clearly isn't an option. I hope my decision is respected. I am suffering. I would like it to end. Doing anything other than listening to exactly what I need won't achieve that.

random idea, but I could even venmo somebody if they could buy it and ship it to me LOL.

Hey, I feel for you and your situation and I hope you are able to find peace from your situation. Just keep doing research and figure out what then best course of action is. If you have to ctb bad enough, then you will be willing to read through as much information as possible on this site. Here are two places that will provide you with tons of information on this site: When you are on the forum home page, go to "suicide discussion". At the top there will be 4 pinned sections that say sanctioned suicide in purple writing. Click on "Resource Compilation". There is also good information in the WIKI tab that is always on the top of the page on this website.

The one thing you should never do is ask to be in contact with people on this site in ANY way, shape, or form. If you do that, you will be risking both yours and their safety. Most members here are well aware of this and are pretty offended by these offers. Please do not ask people things like this. Btw, don't take this as me being mean or talking down to you. I am being stern because this is very important and I want to make sure it is taken seriously. We all care about each other on this site. We have love for you too. Again, please don't be offended.

 

[a.h]

Hi guys

I wanted to cbt with chloroform the other night, and i was discouraged from doing so without enough preparation. Thing is, that was the time. My parents put me on a plane and forced me to go to college the next day, and now I'm stuck in a dorm room alone. The transition has been absolutely detrimental to my progress and a world of hurt. Their solution? "Get counseling" "Take meds" Aghhh. Meds and counseling won't change my entire life around. They won't make me think clearly and work towards what I want.

My parents saw that I ordered that book, and freaked out. He threatened to send me to the mental hospital- and transition that would do more bad than good. I'm not even suicidal because I'm mentally ill. I'm suicidal because shit is moving in the wrong direction and has been for so long that I'm so anxious. What is need is love and support from the people around me, not introducing new ones to "talk to". Hell, my main problem is a lack of meaningful relationships. I'm dealing with a situation so stressful I think anybody in mine would scream. I NEED TO BE TREATED LIKE A NORMAL FUCKING PERSON. PEOPLE WHO ARE SUICIDAL AREN'T CRAZY for crying out loud!

Anyway, I can't order anything with my debit card anymore, because I think they saw it. So, I gotta work in stealth mode. What are your guys recommendations? I've read mostly everything but I guess now I can't

I'm only resorting to this because I don't see a future where I can be me and be happy. Where this anxiety will be truly acknowledged and where I'm not gaslighted for having real, valid thoughts that others in my situation would have. It's beyond frustrating. All their options are anxiety-inducing. Mine won't be acknowledged and accepted by then. So I'm done. And completely at peace with my decision. I don't want to suffer any more, and having the support that makes me feel whole again and encourages that path of life clearly isn't an option. I hope my decision is respected. I am suffering. I would like it to end. Doing anything other than listening to exactly what I need won't achieve that.

random idea, but I could even venmo somebody if they could buy it and ship it to me LOL.

Since you are 18 you can get your own credit card and bank account. If your debit account is yours then your parents shouldn't be able to see it. If they give you money and pay everything and demand it monthly then you can make other account to other bank if you want.

Since you are 18 you can get your own credit card and bank account. If your debit account is yours then your parents shouldn't be able to see it. If they give you money and pay everything and demand it monthly then you can make other account to other bank if you want.

Have you told your family and loved ones why you feel anxious and bad all the time. I hope they understood that loving support is always the best help. Talking down or negatively about other one will only cause more suffering and make them want to die more.

Have you told your doctor that every med you have tried made it too hard for you to live and do what you want?
Have you tried stimulants instead of depressants?

People usually have to try all normal drugs before doctors describe meds that are more addictive, stronger or often misused.
But addiction is medically speaking way better than death from severe mental or physical suffering.