Discussion help with self harm and pain

[gamayoom]

hi everyone. i hope everyone is doing okay. please keep in mind english isn't my first language when reading this thread.

before i get to the point i feel like i need to give some context.

i've been suffering from anxiety and depression symptoms ever since i was 6, but i haven't been diagnosed for some fucking reason, even though i've been to countless psychiatrsits. it wasn't until i was 10-12 years old that i discovered self harming as a coping mechanism. I did practice it for a while before stopping when i was about 16, but yesterday i felt compelled to cut again.

that being said, my cuts could be classified as more of scratches since they barely bleed and rarely leave scars. contrary to popular practice, i dont actually enjoy the immediate pain, rather i like to see the blood and the scars it leaves and the pain that comes after, however with my current "skills" i can barely satisfy my urges.

i've attached a picture so you can have an idea of how shallow these stupid fucking scratches are. don't mind the phallic imagery, i wanted to remind myself i am just a living cumsock everytime i looked down.




i feel like such a little pussy for not being able to cut deeper and i would like to know if anyone knows the best method for doing so, preferably one that is less painful.

also, i do know this is not the best coping mechanism there is, but it is the one that works for me besides sleeping and binge eating, and i've been barely getting any sleep lately and cannot indulge in binge eating since my obesity just makes me feel worse about myself. none of my other options are viable for me right now besides half a pill of xanax i managed to get without a prescription, which i am on right now and is just making me sleepy.

thanks for your time.

 

[Giraffe]

Start with small cuts, and gradually get larger. Additionally, go fast. Swipe the blade like a credit card, and you'll go deep if you put pressure. As for pain, other than medication there isnt really anything I can think of

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Look, cutting deeper isn't going to satisfy you. Eventually, you'll end up in the same position that you are in right now, thus leading you to cut deeper and deeper. You aren't a "pussy" for not being able to cut deeper. Most people can't cut deep and for good reason. The urge you have likely never be fully satiated so cutting deeper just isn't going to do you any good.

 

[gamayoom]

Start with small cuts, and gradually get larger. Additionally, go fast. Swipe the blade like a credit card, and you'll go deep if you put pressure. As for pain, other than medication there isnt really anything I can think of

hey, thanks.

how much pressure should i put in to not reach the fatty tissue, though? i think the best way to describe how deep i want it to be is to reach the "styro" layer. i really do not want to have to seek medical care in case i cut too deep.

 

[Lo$t95]

hey, thanks.

how much pressure should i put in to not reach the fatty tissue, though? i think the best way to describe how deep i want it to be is to reach the "styro" layer. i really do not want to have to seek medical care in case i cut too deep.

I hope this doesn't come across as judgmental or condescending but this is a slippery slope you are on.

I cut myself so deeply I thought I was going to bleed out and die recently. I even posted a "potential goodbye thread" on this site. I lost consciousness and woke up in agony with a mess to clean having to crawl into the shower and hydrate for the rest of the day.

Once you start it becomes an addiction not just a coping mechanism. Please reconsider if this is what you want for yourself. Cutting is not CTB it is not a permanent solution.

 

[Whale_bones]

You should put the image under a spoiler. Regardless of severity or type, SH images can be triggering to people who come across them unexpectedly. I understand the NSFW stuff is related to mental distress, and you can talk about anything you're going through here, but be mindful of others when showing SH and NSFW stuff. Make it clear in the title and put images under a spoiler.

This is a pro-choice site and no one will judge you for SH, but it's not a place to get tips on cutting deeper. The goal of CTB is to end suffering, cutting just extends (and often worsens) suffering.

 

[gamayoom]

You should put the image under a spoiler. Regardless of severity or type, SH images can be triggering to people who come across them unexpectedly. I understand the NSFW stuff is related to mental distress, and you can talk about anything you're going through here, but be mindful of others when showing SH and NSFW stuff. Make it clear in the title and put images under a spoiler.

This is a pro-choice site and no one will judge you for SH, but it's not a place to get tips on cutting deeper. The goal of CTB is to end suffering, cutting just extends (and often worsens) suffering.

hey, thanks for the heads up. do you know how i can put the image under a spoiler warning? i tried to do so without success.

i understand your point of view. i am going to keep this post up (after the spoiler update) just for the record.