Help Help with decision

[Frew]

I have recently received all the different parts for the SN method. I'm glad I now i have the option tbh. But I'm still wrestling with what to do.

I have no hope at all anymore and do believe suicide would be the best option, as life has been too hard and painful and will probably only get worse. I have honestly lost all hope. But I've been wondering should I try to get help again.

I tried before many times but they really were awful towards me. They honestly just made me feel I am broken, judged and untreatable. But the option to go private is something I haven't explored yet. I'm not sure. If I tell someone I'm super suicidal with a method they might be obliged to put in a psych ward temporarily. It won't lead anywhere though cause I'm not really 'ill' at the moment I don't think.

However thinking somewhat rationally here maybe it's worth telling someone. Before I throw in the towel. Believe me I've tried before and it's part of the reason I'm so broken now.

I think a part of the reason I'm thinking of this is because I'm struggling so much with the extreme loneliness of being this suicidal. Being in such terrible pain and not being able to talk about it openly.

I also am generally extremely indecisive and agonise/worry a lot so me not being totally firm in my decision is not out of character. I do honestly think that dying would be the best choice for me but I can't settle on this decision yet.

I don't know if this makes sense at all but if anyone has any words of advice i'd appreciate it. I've been lurking for a while now and I'm glad this space is here.

 

[Rotten thing]

If you are not 100% sure about your decision to ctb then DO NOT do it. Death is final and cannot be undone, unlike life. Help could be out there and you deserve to give yourself many more chances to get better. We are here for you no matter what you decide.

 

[Thereisnothing]

If you are not 100% sure about your decision to ctb then DO NOT do it. Death is final and cannot be undone, unlike life. Help could be out there and you deserve to give yourself many more chances to get better. We are here for you no matter what you decide.

I second this, there is always hope however small even if just the size of a grain of sand. It sounds like you feel you could try getting help again, this is good. Just because it didn't help or work out last time, doesn't mean it wont if you tried it again. You have said you are wrestling to know what to do, so for now my advice would be to take a step back if you can and just 'be' and try and get some clearer thoughts, if you try and lessen the pressure on yourself you may find you get more clarity and answers. As Rotten thing says we are here for you.

 

[k75]

I agree with the previous posts. Do not do it if you have any doubts. You can always die later, but you can never come back to life.

I don't know if you should tell someone or not, but the fact that you're contemplating it says a lot. I believe it's probably best to exhaust all other options before dying.

I also have all my SN supplies, but you guys are the only ones who know and it'll stay that way. However, after I got everything, I decided to give recovery a shot. Try more medicine, keep up with therapy. My therapist knows about my suicidal ideation, because I knew I couldn't get proper help otherwise.

I don't know what I'm doing now. I'm still very suicidal, but I'm also trying to save myself. It's like I have one foot out the door. But I want to make absolutely sure death is the only way.