I think I have officially reached my tipping point.
Late 30s now, in Canada. History of depression, intrusive thoughts galore, tried suicide a few times (got access to 4 bottles of Nembutal, had the exit plan on but wife found out about it and made me seek therapy, medication and drain down the Nembutal).
Tried exit bag method via Nitrogen in the car, (failed), burning charcoal bbq in enclosed car (almost succeeded, but ended up with permanent shows on face), voluntarily checked in mental health services at hospital for a week, diagnosed with BPD, that explained the reason of depression and modulating emotions.
But then, after an injury, had to be on a very high dose of OxyCodone (150 mg a day) which is now reduced to 30 mg a day under supervision on a withdrawal clinic.
But as much as I tried healing myself through therapy and medication and reading books, I am done. And I am physically and mentally exhausted. Everyone has gone out for the evening, wife didn't care what I went through, and I don't have anything left to give when despite how I feel, there's little effect it has on anyone.
So while on withdrawal, I have about 50 odd tablets of 10 mg each which I am thinking of swallowing today. But I very much had 200 mg once and I woke up. So I am concerned if it really would be it or would be just a bad hangover. I quit alcohol but thinking of getting a bottle to supplement it with it to make it more potent.
186 cm 92 kg male, would half a bottle of scotch and oxy be enough for a long sleep? Any experiences?
I could do the charcoal bbq in car again to make it all the more fool proof but family took my car, and don't want to use brother in law's car to do this.
Late 30s now, in Canada. History of depression, intrusive thoughts galore, tried suicide a few times (got access to 4 bottles of Nembutal, had the exit plan on but wife found out about it and made me seek therapy, medication and drain down the Nembutal).
Tried exit bag method via Nitrogen in the car, (failed), burning charcoal bbq in enclosed car (almost succeeded, but ended up with permanent shows on face), voluntarily checked in mental health services at hospital for a week, diagnosed with BPD, that explained the reason of depression and modulating emotions.
But then, after an injury, had to be on a very high dose of OxyCodone (150 mg a day) which is now reduced to 30 mg a day under supervision on a withdrawal clinic.
But as much as I tried healing myself through therapy and medication and reading books, I am done. And I am physically and mentally exhausted. Everyone has gone out for the evening, wife didn't care what I went through, and I don't have anything left to give when despite how I feel, there's little effect it has on anyone.
So while on withdrawal, I have about 50 odd tablets of 10 mg each which I am thinking of swallowing today. But I very much had 200 mg once and I woke up. So I am concerned if it really would be it or would be just a bad hangover. I quit alcohol but thinking of getting a bottle to supplement it with it to make it more potent.
186 cm 92 kg male, would half a bottle of scotch and oxy be enough for a long sleep? Any experiences?
I could do the charcoal bbq in car again to make it all the more fool proof but family took my car, and don't want to use brother in law's car to do this.
