Method Help needed to ensure proper departure

[HelpMeGo]

My husband committed suicide in Nov 2021. After battling with depression and then being given wrong medication which induced suicide thoughts and completely changed him. We couldn't help, it was too late :(
The day after it happened I felt like a ghost, my instinct kicked in and I took a lot of pills that the doc gave me the previous night. Sleeping pills and something for anxiety. At that moment I just wanted to be with my husband. Unfortunately my family reacted too quick and they saved me. I was in icu but with extreme low blood pressure, almost gone..and all of a sudden I recovered.
Then Tried hanging myself the day before his funeral but instinct kicked in and I couldn't bear the pain in my head. Went to a psychiatric hospital for 15 days. All the same stories of it will get better blah blah..it doesn't. My thoughts, every single day is how I just want to leave this mess he has left me in and go be in peace with him. No stress over losing the house we just bought, living in the memories of us each day, no more worrying about all the debt and me just getting deeper in it to handle all the finances by myself..no more deep deep pain and grief every single moment.
Now I am barely getting through each day, faking a strong face so no one worries too much..suicide thoughts in my head 24/7..
I still want to go but I want to do it properly this time. And I need help because I'm not sure how to make it 'final'
Hanging is out..pills I'm still considering but not sure what and how much will do the job properly..maybe drinking something with alcohol and lying in a bath tub to pass out and drown? Also thinking of putting a pipe on the tailpipe in my Isuzu diesel pick up truck but I read the newer vehicles and diesel ones does not cause fatalities anymore since they reduced the nitrogen.

I live in South Africa so we don't have all the strong pills like oxy or morphine to get easily..buying nitrogen is also extremely difficult.
Please give me some help before I end up being a vegetable for not doing it correctly. What possibility do I have with meds in SA? I just want to seek the chance to find peace..and to find my husband..none of us know what will really happen when we die and maybe theres a chance that I can find him again..I atleast have to try.

 

[befree]

The type of method depends on the availability of the equipment and personal circumstances. You should read the PPH "Peacefull Pill Handbook" to get an idea of the possible methods. Is Helium 2.6 or higher available in SA ? Is SN (sodium nitrite) available in SA ? Would you be able to inject yourself Propofol ? Would the carbon monoxid method (barbecue) be an option ?

PPeH_April_2022.pdf - AnonFiles

anonfiles.com

 

[WorthlessTrash]

DISCLAIMER: I am not trying to encourage you to take your life, as that is a decision only you can determine if it is the only solution. Do it at your own discretion. If you are not absolutely sure this is what you want to do, please disregard any of the answers you are given. The following is only to answer your question, not to encourage your act.

Find a black or green mamba and get bit by one maybe? Might be a painful and scary way to go, but I believe your continent has some of the most venomous snakes if none of the methods above or in the peaceful pill handbook are practical. However, if N or SN is available to you, use those instead.

 

[Shu]

DISCLAIMER: I am not trying to encourage you to take your life, as that is a decision only you can determine if it is the only solution. Do it at your own discretion. If you are not absolutely sure this is what you want to do, please disregard any of the answers you are given. The following is only to answer your question, not to encourage your act.

Find a black or green mamba and get bit by one maybe? Might be a painful and scary way to go, but I believe your continent has some of the most venomous snakes if none of the methods above or in the peaceful pill handbook are practical. However, if N or SN is available to you, use those instead.

Respect.

 

[outrider567]

My husband committed suicide in Nov 2021. After battling with depression and then being given wrong medication which induced suicide thoughts and completely changed him. We couldn't help, it was too late :(
The day after it happened I felt like a ghost, my instinct kicked in and I took a lot of pills that the doc gave me the previous night. Sleeping pills and something for anxiety. At that moment I just wanted to be with my husband. Unfortunately my family reacted too quick and they saved me. I was in icu but with extreme low blood pressure, almost gone..and all of a sudden I recovered.
Then Tried hanging myself the day before his funeral but instinct kicked in and I couldn't bear the pain in my head. Went to a psychiatric hospital for 15 days. All the same stories of it will get better blah blah..it doesn't. My thoughts, every single day is how I just want to leave this mess he has left me in and go be in peace with him. No stress over losing the house we just bought, living in the memories of us each day, no more worrying about all the debt and me just getting deeper in it to handle all the finances by myself..no more deep deep pain and grief every single moment.
Now I am barely getting through each day, faking a strong face so no one worries too much..suicide thoughts in my head 24/7..
I still want to go but I want to do it properly this time. And I need help because I'm not sure how to make it 'final'
Hanging is out..pills I'm still considering but not sure what and how much will do the job properly..maybe drinking something with alcohol and lying in a bath tub to pass out and drown? Also thinking of putting a pipe on the tailpipe in my Isuzu diesel pick up truck but I read the newer vehicles and diesel ones does not cause fatalities anymore since they reduced the nitrogen.

I live in South Africa so we don't have all the strong pills like oxy or morphine to get easily..buying nitrogen is also extremely difficult.
Please give me some help before I end up being a vegetable for not doing it correctly. What possibility do I have with meds in SA? I just want to seek the chance to find peace..and to find my husband..none of us know what will really happen when we die and maybe theres a chance that I can find him again..I atleast have to try.

I can relate--After my girlfriend died, if I had had all the stuff I needed(Nitrogen tank/regulator/flowmeter/clear plastic tubing,exit bag)at hand at that time, I probably would of CTB'ed anytime those first two weeks, my grief shock and depression were so unlimited at that time---Still plan to do it but its on hold since my only brother is fighting Stage 4 lung cancer, needs my support-----As for the afterlife, actor Peter Cushing said(after his wife died), 'the only thing keeping me going is the faint hope that we will be reunited once again'