HELP ME WITH NEW METHODS

[Mimsy]

I am in a secure hospital on 1:1 observations. My preferred methods have been overdoses which I only narrowly survived, hence being sectioned and in hospital for one and a half years. My only option now seem to be ligature and I have tried a fair few times, how can I occluded the carotid artery and have quick unconsciousness? I find it hard not to be in a fair amount of distress which sometimes makes me gasp and alerts the staff. I am scared that I am just going to end up brain damaged and I need death. My only other thought was to hit the side of my head on a hard surface (I tried a metal radiator) in the hope of damage to the blood vessels under the temple and a brain bleed that staff would be unable to intervene with. To be honest I feel so angry that I have to use these unfamiliar and uncertain methods as I should be able to do it my way but I'm desperate now and would appreciate any suggestions.

 

[Brink]

I'm sorry to be welcoming you to SS @Mimsy. Your situation sounds incredibly tough. To be honest with you as someone who has briefly spent time in a hospital, your plans are probably not viable whilst on 1:1 observations. I was on an acute ward, and that was invasive to the point where it would've been pretty much impossible to do anything that could be considered self-harm by the staff.

I don't know your story and what brought you to this point, but it's unfair that you find your agency taken away from you. I feel sorry that you have to do things that are against your will.

If I were you, I'd try and get out of the hospital by attempting to recover according to their standards so that I can make my own decisions again — best of luck to you.

 

[Lady black]

Is there a chance to get out of the hospital if you play the happy person that want´s to live?

 

[Mimsy]

Is there a chance to get out of the hospital if you play the happy person that want´s to live?

I can't get the hospital or my home team to let go of my risk history. I spent 11 years on section from 2014. I was better at playing along then. Since then I have worsened my past with 4 ICU admissions with resuscitation etc. I feel so worn out and have no goals for the future, to do battle with them to get obs reduced, go out on leave, even just be 'happy' for 24 hours continuously is beyond me, it tends just to result in a massive crash and gives them more ammunition to say that I'm unstable and can't keep myself safe. It's crazy that they are willing to put so much effort and money into keeping me alive when I know it's the most humane and inevitable outcome.
Please, there must be a way out?.

 

[Lady black]

That sounds really bad. I don´t know what to do then, inside the hospital it´s really really risky

 

[Mimsy]

I'm sorry to be welcoming you to SS @Mimsy. Your situation sounds incredibly tough. To be honest with you as someone who has briefly spent time in a hospital, your plans are probably not viable whilst on 1:1 observations. I was on an acute ward, and that was invasive to the point where it would've been pretty much impossible to do anything that could be considered self-harm by the staff.

I don't know your story and what brought you to this point, but it's unfair that you find your agency taken away from you. I feel sorry that you have to do things that are against your will.

If I were you, I'd try and get out of the hospital by attempting to recover according to their standards so that I can make my own decisions again — best of luck to you.

Thank you for your thoughts, not the answer I perhaps hoped for but maybe realistic. They know that if I succeeded to kill myself on 1:1 that they would be ripped apart by a coroners court, patients have managed it on intermittent obs, so I should maybe try to put plans on hold but it is so hard because I am more wanting to die than ever before.

 

[Lady black]

I really understand you, but they can´t keep you for your whole life if you try play that it´s getting better for you.

 

[inactive]

I am clueless in regard to advice but I just wanted to say that I hope things look up for you soon. You must feel awfully trapped.

 

[Mimsy]

I am clueless in regard to advice but I just wanted to say that I hope things look up for you soon. You must feel awfully trapped.

Thank you, it means a lot.

That sounds really bad. I don´t know what to do then, inside the hospital it´s really really risky

Yes, I think that's the reality maybe too risky, accept they have the control. Thanks for your reply.

 

[feast or famine]

I am in a secure hospital on 1:1 observations. My preferred methods have been overdoses which I only narrowly survived, hence being sectioned and in hospital for one and a half years. My only option now seem to be ligature and I have tried a fair few times, how can I occluded the carotid artery and have quick unconsciousness? I find it hard not to be in a fair amount of distress which sometimes makes me gasp and alerts the staff. I am scared that I am just going to end up brain damaged and I need death. My only other thought was to hit the side of my head on a hard surface (I tried a metal radiator) in the hope of damage to the blood vessels under the temple and a brain bleed that staff would be unable to intervene with. To be honest I feel so angry that I have to use these unfamiliar and uncertain methods as I should be able to do it my way but I'm desperate now and would appreciate any suggestions.

When I was on a 1:1, I couldn't even go to the bathroom with the door closed. They had to be RIGHT there.

My advice would be to hold off and get out of there as soon as possible. Play their game, go through the motions. Trying to harm yourself in a psych ward, especially on a 1:1, will end up even worse for you.

 

[Mimsy]

When I was on a 1:1, I couldn't even go to the bathroom with the door closed. They had to be RIGHT there.

My advice would be to hold off and get out of there as soon as possible. Play their game, go through the motions. Trying to harm yourself in a psych ward, especially on a 1:1, will end up even worse for you.

I think you're probably right, sometimes I think i just hope it's possible to do it in here out of desperation. If I really believe that I can't kill myself I just feel so depressed and angry.

I am clueless in regard to advice but I just wanted to say that I hope things look up for you soon. You must feel awfully trapped.

Thank you for your thoughts

I'm sorry to be welcoming you to SS @Mimsy. Your situation sounds incredibly tough. To be honest with you as someone who has briefly spent time in a hospital, your plans are probably not viable whilst on 1:1 observations. I was on an acute ward, and that was invasive to the point where it would've been pretty much impossible to do anything that could be considered self-harm by the staff.

I don't know your story and what brought you to this point, but it's unfair that you find your agency taken away from you. I feel sorry that you have to do things that are against your will.

If I were you, I'd try and get out of the hospital by attempting to recover according to their standards so that I can make my own decisions again — best of luck to you.

Thank you for your thoughts

 

[esse_est_percipi]

I should maybe try to put plans on hold but it is so hard because I am more wanting to die than ever before.

I think you've given the answer here.
It's going to be very hard for you to ctb in the conditions you find yourself in, and what you've suggested will almost certainly not work.

Just try to get through your hospital stay however you can, then when you get out you can see how you feel, and make a decision with more freedom and less pressure and distress.

Sorry to hear about how hard things are for you at the moment.

 

[TheSoundofTime]

I am in a secure hospital on 1:1 observations. My preferred methods have been overdoses which I only narrowly survived, hence being sectioned and in hospital for one and a half years. My only option now seem to be ligature and I have tried a fair few times, how can I occluded the carotid artery and have quick unconsciousness? I find it hard not to be in a fair amount of distress which sometimes makes me gasp and alerts the staff. I am scared that I am just going to end up brain damaged and I need death. My only other thought was to hit the side of my head on a hard surface (I tried a metal radiator) in the hope of damage to the blood vessels under the temple and a brain bleed that staff would be unable to intervene with. To be honest I feel so angry that I have to use these unfamiliar and uncertain methods as I should be able to do it my way but I'm desperate now and would appreciate any suggestions.

I'm sorry you are in controled environment which is tough to handle. I understand your desperation but do you honestly think it is the righ time and place (emotionally) to go? Would it be a problem if you played "well" until they decide to let you go. I don't know how it works in the country you are in, but I am sure over some point they would let you go upon the signs of improvement. I know It might seem a long time, but at least you would be in full peace with yourself to make contemplated decision. Remember - they don't control you, you do.

 

[Mimsy]

I think you've given the answer here.
It's going to be very hard for you to ctb in the conditions you find yourself in, and what you've suggested will almost certainly not work.

Just try to get through your hospital stay however you can, then when you get out you can see how you feel, and make a decision with more freedom and less pressure and distress.

Sorry to hear about how hard things are for you at the moment.

Thank you.

I'm sorry you are in controled environment which is tough to handle. I understand your desperation but do you honestly think it is the righ time and place (emotionally) to go? Would it be a problem if you played "well" until they decide to let you go. I don't know how it works in the country you are in, but I am sure over some point they would let you go upon the signs of improvement. I know It might seem a long time, but at least you would be in full peace with yourself to make contemplated decision. Remember - they don't control you, you do.

That is what I want more than anything, to be able to spend my last days with my family and yo be able to do it in my way, on my terms, to fe relief and not anxiety about intervention. Thanks for your thoughts.