I'm suffering all the time just knowing I'm alive. I'm so impatient to die. I'm just sitting around here doing nothing. I've got a gun with no bullets (and no ccw). I feel like I can't wait weeks to take a class to get a ccw. I don't know why I'm so impatient lately. It's like all I can think about is dying, but I don't want to do something stupid and mess it up. I really wanted to get a shotgun and blow my head off, but right now all I have is a little Smith & Wesson (with no bullets). I don't know what to do or how to pass the time.
BandAddict
Specialist
- Apr 3, 2019
- 338
I'm sorry that you have to go through this. Sounds kind of like how I used to feel the night before Christmas, in a lighter sense. The only thing I can suggest is that you do whatever it is you want before the time comes. Have you written any notes to anyone? Is there someone you want to talk to for the last time? Music, movie, videos... I really hope this helps~
Once in childhood I didn't have a computer and the internet and didn't know what to do all day long and how to cut myself off from the painful thoughts that are spinning in a circle in my head: I took the book and just began to rewrite it on paper and oddly enough it helped to distract. Now I play games for hours not for fun or pleasure (seems I can't feel it no more at all), but just to make time fly faster and escape reality.
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