Discussion Help me out here please

[onlyanimalsaregood]

Be honest.

When two people move apart and some time passes, what do you think that makes someone want a person back in their life?

Like, what do you think will weigh on their decision and reaction?

And what do you think should be the best approach?

This is something that is weighing me down. I really liked this person.

Thank you to those who read and respond :)

 

[Al_stargate]

Don't know what happened in this relationship but sometimes people need some break from each other. Doesn't mean they don't love each other anymore but things got hectic resulting in a breakup. If the reason for the breakup is fixed you have chance of getting back. But one has to make a decision is it worth pursuing something that was. People also often return if something new happened, like new adventure. I had a friend, we hadn't see each other in a long time but then at about same time we both bought bikes and we came together again riding bikes. I know it probably doesn't apply in your case but I'm just giving example.

 

[whatevs]

Something to consider is what made you move apart in the first place. If some fundamental difference was the cause it will arise again.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

Don't know what happened in this relationship but sometimes people need some break from each other. Doesn't mean they don't love each other anymore but things got hectic resulting in a breakup. If the reason for the breakup is fixed you have chance of getting back. But one has to make a decision is it worth pursuing something that was. People also often return if something new happened, like new adventure. I had a friend, we hadn't see each other in a long time but then at about same time we both bought bikes and we came together again riding bikes. I know it probably doesn't apply in your case but I'm just giving example.

Something to consider is what made you move apart in the first place. If some fundamental difference was the cause it will arise again.

Well, I will put the situation in context.

This was a person who was not my boyfriend. We were dating and seeing what was going on between us and try to have something serious but out of the blue he wanted to back out (nothing happened and we got along really well and he really seemed to feel the same way I did, that it was mutual) and from then on it just kept getting worse. He wanted to continue to be with me but not in the same way, and it was hard for me because he was a person I talked to every day, was part of my daily life and I really liked him. The last time we spoke in person was on March 15th. Last time by sms on the 26th. I did a lot of shit in the end. I acted impulsively and without thinking. I was taking refuge in alcohol, I wasn't working and I realized that I had to stop what I was doing because I was only making things worse. He even said he wouldn't rule out talking again in the future, but then I fucked up again and he was done. But despite all that he always answered me back and gave me advice because he knew I was really in deep shit. Then I walked away and now I'm trying to give it time and in a couple of months maybe I'll get back in touch with him and try to at least be on good terms with him. See how he reacts. At least I try everything in my power. I really liked him, I still do.

 

[Al_stargate]

Well, I will put the situation in context.

This was a person who was not my boyfriend. We were dating and seeing what was going on between us and try to have something serious but out of the blue he wanted to back out (nothing happened and we got along really well and he really seemed to feel the same way I did, that it was mutual) and from then on it just kept getting worse. He wanted to continue to be with me but not in the same way, and it was hard for me because he was a person I talked to every day, was part of my daily life and I really liked him. The last time we spoke in person was on March 15th. Last time by sms on the 26th. I did a lot of shit in the end. I acted impulsively and without thinking. I was taking refuge in alcohol, I wasn't working and I realized that I had to stop what I was doing because I was only making things worse. He even said he wouldn't rule out talking again in the future, but then I fucked up again and he was done. But despite all that he always answered me back and gave me advice because he knew I was really in deep shit. Then I walked away and now I'm trying to give it time and in a couple of months maybe I'll get back in touch with him and try to at least be on good terms with him. See how he reacts. At least I try everything in my power. I really liked him, I still do.

You can always go really slow, just starting with some texts here and there, then talking, and then seeing what happens.

 

[wljourney]

Relationships are intricate and have so many layers. Your story has so many bits and pieces to look closer at. A bit like a bunch of multiple cords of Christmas lights tangled all up together. Maybe this is a good example to take to a therapist and try to untangle?

(If that's available / financially possible of course.)

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

You can always go really slow, just starting with some texts here and there, then talking, and then seeing what happens.

Yes that's what I'm thinking.

Relationships are intricate and have so many layers. Your story has so many bits and pieces to look closer at. A bit like a bunch of multiple cords of Christmas lights tangled all up together. Maybe this is a good example to take to a therapist and try to untangle?

(If that's available / financially possible of course.)

I can't at the moment :/