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Fadinglife

Fadinglife

Student
Apr 16, 2019
109
Does anyone else feels this way? I get turned off by compliments on my looks unless done by person i am in love with. I can't reciprocate and even feel annoyed, if i say thank you it is not to hurt the feeling of someone i consider friend but if i am getting affection from them every now and then specially if i sense this is of different nature, i feel disgust, extremely odd or repulsion, i guess it's related strong dislike for people's attraction towards superficial stuff, not may be a trigger for sexual assaults or perhaps my nature i.e. me associated with demisexual nature or mix of everything. As if accumulated feelings of dislike over behaviour turn into resentment for me. While if i hear something substantial it doesn't make me feel unsafe or threatened, i feel better or atleast okay depending on the person. As a result i feel grossed out by it or it is seriously traumatic for me, anything like that if i don't have a strong emotional connection with the person. I am only comfortable with the person i am love.
 
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ThriveOrDie

ThriveOrDie

We are already in hell
Jul 11, 2019
449
I used to hate compliments. For me I think it was low self-esteem and I didn't like attention.
 
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Fadinglife

Fadinglife

Student
Apr 16, 2019
109
I used to hate compliments. For me I think it was low self-esteem and I didn't like attention.
It's not the case with me. I like it but only from the person i love. I value other kind of compliments that are linked with my nature and surprise me about myself, something i am not aware of myself
 
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O

oopswronglife

Elementalist
Jun 27, 2019
870
I have the same aversion to vanity and materialism and it undermines my reactions as well. I also find most compliments to be veiled attempts to ingratiate or get something from you. Like most human behaviors from strangers, it's not genuine and that inevitably makes you suspicious. The old sales tactic of using your name over and over etc...I can't see how that works on anyone as its transparent and annoying.

People in our situations have less emotional and mental bandwith to filter that crap out since our lives are using more to survive so it impacts us all the more strongly. If it's someone I know is genuine of course I am grateful and thank them.
 
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After The End

After The End

The lily whispers, “I wait.”
Jul 31, 2019
136
I've spoken to a few women who get turned off by physical compliments. I can understand it. Especially for people lower down the socio-economic ladder or in more traditional cultures. The cultural bias is always there to view a woman's looks as the totality of her being. Even if you look like a supermodel or an A-list actress and it make you millions and brings legions of adoring fans unless you're engaging in some high-level self-deceit you must realise these people's adulation has nothing to do with you; nothing to do with any laurel you worked to attain, nothing to do with any skill you worked to hone, nothing to do with your personality or values. It's suggestive of either a crass, materialistic form of desire like the way some men pine over fancy cars or the way some women do the same with designer handbags or shoes, or - at best - a totally shallow form of approval which often disregards everything else. I mean there are so many complimentary things you can say to someone if you have a high opinion of them or care about them. If all someone does mention is the way you look I imagine it can feel dehumanising, and the more a woman's looks are seen as the totality of her being and the primary gauge of her social status in your culture the more true this will be. I may not be explaining this very well.

I mean I've never experienced anything even vaguely like it so this all comes from listening to women I've known.

But basically it seems to boil down to the fact that they may find it impersonal, objectifying and even demeaning for someone to disregard, or not even notice everything of actual substance about them, and to home in only on the most materialistic of qualities, over which you have very little control, especially if it suggests those things are ore important to them than the rest. Then there's the possible sexual connotations, which may or may not always be present, but whether it's there, or you just think it is the revulsion is understandable in that you have someone who is (or appears to be) suggesting a degree of intimate desire on the basis of something so completely superficial. It suggests that whether or not they like or care about you as a person is irrelevant, that the most important things about you are meaningless to them.

Personally for example I've found the odds a physical compliment will be taken well are proportionally related to two things; whether or not it has any sexual undertones, whether or not it relates to some entirely passive genetic quality, and whether or not it's in context. Like if someone says they hate having hooded eyes, and you say, 'But your eyeliner looks so good they're barely noticeable,' it's going to get a completely different reception to saying, 'wow, you're really sexy and gorgeous!' to someone out of the blue.

Of course the latter will probably go over fine if they feel the same way about you and are open to this sort of dialogue. Familiarity, attraction, etc, changes much.
 
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Soul

Soul

gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha
Apr 12, 2019
4,705
I felt more or less molested physical compliments for a long time. Now it's more fun to return the compliments in an unexpected way, like "and you have a good loud voice" or "and how many languages do *you* speak" or "I bet you're a great father when you aren't out on the town accosting women" - oops sorry that one was mean. But one gets goddam sick of it.
 
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