Help if you can!

[a.fool]

2024 has already started. It's 1 year now that I'm struggling mentally. Things are still not getting better. I'm not better. I tried to get help from a counsellor but she was a shitty person to ignore me and my issues.
I'm off the track from studying. I don't feel like studying anymore. I don't know what to do in life. I don't know if I'll be successful. My parents are nice and they have high hopes from me but I don't think I'll be successful in life.
I feel like I should end it all and commit suicide instead!

 

[jenny6391bubbles]

same here. AI will replace most of us too, so what's the point? hugs w consent

 

[Reuthry]

I am also planning to end it this year, I am counting down the days till the day I will ctb. I am really excited because I won't exist anymore.
Anyway, best wishes.

 

[a.fool]

same here. AI will replace most of us too, so what's the point? hugs w consent

I don't think AI will replace all of us very soon like for more 50 years. It'll advance things maybe but won't completely replace people
But ya hugs.
I actually don't have the money to successfully do ctb

I am also planning to end it this year, I am counting down the days till the day I will ctb. I am really excited because I won't exist anymore.
Anyway, best wishes.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry you are in such a dark place. I'm not sure whether you are hoping for ideas to live or die. For ideas to keep going- it may be better to ask in the recovery section as well. As for suicide though, that's not really for us to advise you on. It has to be a personal decision I feel. I'm sorry you are struggling.

 

[a.fool]

I'm sorry you are in such a dark place. I'm not sure whether you are hoping for ideas to live or die. For ideas to keep going- it may be better to ask in the recovery section as well. As for suicide though, that's not really for us to advise you on. It has to be a personal decision I feel. I'm sorry you are struggling.

Thanks for empathising

 

[Mayonaise]

Sorry to hear what you're going through, and welcome to the community.
Since you did not provide many details about your situation, I will try to offer some basic advice.

I tried to get help from a counsellor but she was a shitty person to ignore me and my issues.

Glad you sought help, it's the right thing to do in the first place.
How many counsellors did you see? Maybe you just met a bad one.
I suggest you talk to your family and say you're not feeling confident with your counsellor and want to meet a new one.

I'm off the track from studying. I don't feel like studying anymore. I don't know what to do in life. I don't know if I'll be successful.

Worrying about your future may be normal but if it comes to a point where you feel so distressed as to contemplate suicide, then you should seek help (which you did, and again, that's good).
What you feel right now might just be a symptom of depression and/or anxiety, there are many things you could do.
Along with counselling I suggest you talk to a psychiatrist. A good doctor will listen to you, won't judge you, and may be able to help you with meds and/or additional counselling.
Many psychiatrists, along with prescribing meds, also offer counselling.

My parents are nice and they have high hopes from me but I don't think I'll be successful in life.

You have a supportive family. Great, it means you can talk to them and let them know how you feel. You'll work it out together.
Be honest with them and don't be ashamed - suffering is nothing to be ashamed of, and seeking help is not a sign of weakness. It means you're fighting a hard battle, that's all.
Many successful people have struggled or currently struggle with issues, and taking meds can be of great benefit, believe me (years of personal experience).
Don't blame yourself for feeling like this - sometimes, just like the bones in the body, people's minds need to be taken care of, and there are many ways to do it.

I feel like I should end it all and commit suicide instead!

It is commonly said that suicide is a permanent solution, and that's true. But it must be a choice, and one you must make with a sound mind. You don't get a second chance after that.
I can tell you're struggling and your distress is real. A good mental health professional will understand that. If you feel confident enough you can tell him about your suicidal thoughts.
As you probably know, this kind of thoughts are common when one is struggling with mental issues.
Don't act on impulse, don't kill yourself before you've tried other options.
Keep seeking help, and remember: the sooner you start taking care of yourself, the better the outcome will be.

If you feel like, keep us up to date. In the meantime, take care.

 

[a.fool]

I am also planning to end it this year, I am counting down the days till the day I will ctb. I am really excited because I won't exist anymore.
Anyway, best wishes.

What method are you going to follow?

Sorry to hear what you're going through, and welcome to the community.
Since you did not provide many details about your situation, I will try to offer some basic advice.

Glad you sought help, it's the right thing to do in the first place.
How many counsellors did you see? Maybe you just met a bad one.
I suggest you talk to your family and say you're not feeling confident with your counsellor and want to meet a new one.

Worrying about your future may be normal but if it comes to a point where you feel so distressed as to contemplate suicide, then you should seek help (which you did, and again, that's good).
What you feel right now might just be a symptom of depression and/or anxiety, there are many things you could do.
Along with counselling I suggest you talk to a psychiatrist. A good doctor will listen to you, won't judge you, and may be able to help you with meds and/or additional counselling.
Many psychiatrists, along with prescribing meds, also offer counselling.

You have a supportive family. Great, it means you can talk to them and let them know how you feel. You'll work it out together.
Be honest with them and don't be ashamed - suffering is nothing to be ashamed of, and seeking help is not a sign of weakness. It means you're fighting a hard battle, that's all.
Many successful people have struggled or currently struggle with issues, and taking meds can be of great benefit, believe me (years of personal experience).
Don't blame yourself for feeling like this - sometimes, just like the bones in the body, people's minds need to be taken care of, and there are many ways to do it.

It is commonly said that suicide is a permanent solution, and that's true. But it must be a choice, and one you must make with a sound mind. You don't get a second chance after that.
I can tell you're struggling and your distress is real. A good mental health professional will understand that. If you feel confident enough you can tell him about your suicidal thoughts.
As you probably know, this kind of thoughts are common when one is struggling with mental issues.
Don't act on impulse, don't kill yourself before you've tried other options.
Keep seeking help, and remember: the sooner you start taking care of yourself, the better the outcome will be.

If you feel like, keep us up to date. In the meantime, take care.

I want to get better too but I actually can't afford therapy. The counsellor I went to was going to help me for free but she just ignored me even after me reaching out to her so many times. Later I felt bad and stopped contacting her.

 

[Reuthry]

What method are you going to follow?

Night-night, unfortunately that's my only hope. I would definitely go with SN [but I am not able to access it (even though it is so easy to buy in my country)] or partial hanging.

 

[rozeske]

From what you wrote I can sense that you still have hope for a better future. I suggest you try all your best to get help from the people around you. Suicide is an irreversible act, it should be well thought out and used as a very last resort after exhausting all options. I wish you all the best

 

[a.fool]

Night-night, unfortunately that's my only hope. I would definitely go with SN [but I am not able to access it (even though it is so easy to buy in my country)] or partial hanging.

I'm new here so I don't know the acronyms used here. Can you tell me what's sn

From what you wrote I can sense that you still have hope for a better future. I suggest you try all your best to get help from the people around you. Suicide is an irreversible act, it should be well thought out and used as a very last resort after exhausting all options. I wish you all the best

Thanks for goodwishes! Hope you do well in life too:)

 

[PoorYorick]

I am a parent and I can imagine my child is in such situation, as you are in. I would try to help them as much as I can, but I still would be pro-choice. I would even offer help in final exit, because my child's misery is also my fault. Probably the world would say that I'm cruel and disgusting. But wouldn't life be easier if there was no suicide taboo and you could just talk about everything with your parents and count on them in reaching any goal?

Maybe my advice is naive, but how about making the family conscious that you are not going to be successful in life and you consider quiting? Don't you think that our mission could be making the world more pro-choice? Then before you CTB you could do something for this mission.

Actually that's my life too. I don't see a point in it, but what makes me relaxed is that I know I can CTB any moment. In a sense it is the way to live for people that do not fit in the main pro-life stream.

 

[a.fool]

I am a parent and I can imagine my child is in such situation, as you are in. I would try to help them as much as I can, but I still would be pro-choice. I would even offer help in final exit, because my child's misery is also my fault. Probably the world would say that I'm cruel and disgusting. But wouldn't life be easier if there was no suicide taboo and you could just talk about everything with your parents and count on them in reaching any goal?

Maybe my advice is naive, but how about making the family conscious that you are not going to be successful in life and you consider quiting? Don't you think that our mission could be making the world more pro-choice? Then before you CTB you could do something for this mission.

Actually that's my life too. I don't see a point in it, but what makes me relaxed is that I know I can CTB any moment. In a sense it is the way to live for people that do not fit in the main pro-life stream.

Well I cannot change someone's mindset but I would say:
Don't you think you fail as a parent if your child actually CTB and how do we even know that everything ends after we CTB. That's another thing but I think as a parent one should try to make their child understand that life totally doesn't depend upon success and that happiness can be found even being just financially stable or even broke.
Isn't letting your child quit on life actually you quitting on them? Also what will happen to your child if you CTB?
I think about people that love me and that's what makes me stay and still live this shitty life.

 

[Kit1]

2024 has already started. It's 1 year now that I'm struggling mentally. Things are still not getting better. I'm not better. I tried to get help from a counsellor but she was a shitty person to ignore me and my issues.
I'm off the track from studying. I don't feel like studying anymore. I don't know what to do in life. I don't know if I'll be successful. My parents are nice and they have high hopes from me but I don't think I'll be successful in life.
I feel like I should end it all and commit suicide instead!

I am so sorry that you are suffering. I have read and reread your original question and all the comments and your responses above.

I am a parent of two children - mid to late teens. It sounds like you have a family that will take the time to understand and support you - not sure if I got that right? The meaning of success varies from person to person - my personal success is very different to what success with be for my children (and they both have very different interests and outlooks and their own success is going to vary and I accept that). Please consider trying to reach out to your parents and support network and be honest about how you are feeling - you might be pleasantly surprised at their response.

Also I am really sorry that there are problems with your counsellors - I have worked through enough therapists to realise that we need to have a therapist/counsellor who is right for us and our needs. It will be worthwhile changing your counsellor - could your family help with the costs? If you are still education, can your educational establishment help with this? Are there charities or organisations that offer their services free or at a reduced cost? There are some good counsellors, doctors etc - I sat in a three way meeting with my psychiatrist and clinical psychologist on Thursday and they were very helpful - I went into the meeting dreading the meeting and came out feeling sorry for both of them as they genuinely have been looking out for me and I am clearly setting up some challenges for them that it sounds like I am weighing heavily on their time and care. It has taken me a long time to find a team who I think are actually concerned about me - please don't give up after the one counsellor.

Life can be a pain and not knowing, being scared of not being successful/being a failure can be depressing. But there can be a meaningful life beyond our preconceived ideas of success and please reflect on this.

Happy to chat anytime and I genuinely wish you all the best. Take care.

 

[a.fool]

I am so sorry that you are suffering. I have read and reread your original question and all the comments and your responses above.

Thanks for looking out for me:)

I am a parent of two children - mid to late teens. It sounds like you have a family that will take the time to understand and support you - not sure if I got that right? The meaning of success varies from person to person - my personal success is very different to what success with be for my children (and they both have very different interests and outlooks and their own success is going to vary and I accept that). Please consider trying to reach out to your parents and support network and be honest about how you are feeling - you might be pleasantly surprised at their response.

You sound like a really good parent NGL. I'm glad children still got some nice parents like you. My parents support me too and they comfort me whenever I need.
I don't have alot of things in my life but I'm very grateful for each and everything I have. Success to me isn't all about career either but I want to earn money so that I can afford things and I want to earn so much that I can even help people in the future. I want to make this world a better place. I don't wanna be the person who just takes birth and dies one day. But as I suffer from anxiety, I get anxious with small things, I worry too much and think about the future or the result too much which makes my life hard.

Also I am really sorry that there are problems with your counsellors - I have worked through enough therapists to realise that we need to have a therapist/counsellor who is right for us and our needs. It will be worthwhile changing your counsellor - could your family help with the costs? If you are still education, can your educational establishment help with this? Are there charities or organisations that offer their services free or at a reduced cost? There are some good counsellors, doctors etc - I sat in a three way meeting with my psychiatrist and clinical psychologist on Thursday and they were very helpful - I went into the meeting dreading the meeting and came out feeling sorry for both of them as they genuinely have been looking out for me and I am clearly setting up some challenges for them that it sounds like I am weighing heavily on their time and care. It has taken me a long time to find a team who I think are actually concerned about me - please don't give up after the one counsellor.

I know that therapy will make my life easier but I cannot afford therapy and my parents are already very tight in budget to be able to help me with that. I'm a student and the whole education system doesn't provide any help with mental health. I can go to a public psychiatrist who can prescribe me antidepressants for free but I don't want to take antidepressants.
I very much think that exercising and meditation on daily basis will help me but I cannot bring myself to do it everyday. I'm not consistent.

Life can be a pain and not knowing, being scared of not being successful/being a failure can be depressing. But there can be a meaningful life beyond our preconceived ideas of success and please reflect on this.

Happy to chat anytime and I genuinely wish you all the best. Take care.

I hope you do good in life. Stay happy:)

 

[dreamingofrest]

I'm not sure how much I can say that other people here already haven't, but I just wanted to offer my support as well. I promise you that being "successful" can come in many forms, and the only important thing is that you are making the best choices for you.
I'm sorry you're struggling right now and I hope things get better for you soon.

 

[figurehead]

I don't know your parents, but they mustn't simply want for you to be successful (whatever that might be), but I can have an idea what you mean/ If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? As an teenager/young adult I had everything going for me to be "successful`' I was a very bright student and all, but at 17 I had my first breakdown (I have bipolar) and neither me nor others thought I'd graduate, but jumping from breakdown to breakdown I made my way til a post-doctoral fellowship. But I never consider that success, I guess we have a ghost inside us that never lets us/let us experience success.

Now, back to the parenting thing. My mother was really supportive all along (although I'm sure she thought I'd never finish whatever I was doing). Today I'm married with a 14 yo daughter. We're both PhDs and I always promised myself that I'd never put the burden of success on her. That was easy whilst she was a straight A student, but when some of her grades went down to average we caught ourselves panicking. The panic didn't last long though. We still want her to go to a good university, but if she doesn't (want) we'll accept that. Parents (most of them, anyway) do expect crazy things but if the expectation is reflected from you it's your turn to accept your own expectations. Being often suicidal and a parent, I can say that they'd accept even suicide, but that's the very last thing in their mind.

 

[Kit1]

Thanks for looking out for me:)

You sound like a really good parent NGL. I'm glad children still got some nice parents like you. My parents support me too and they comfort me whenever I need.
I don't have alot of things in my life but I'm very grateful for each and everything I have. Success to me isn't all about career either but I want to earn money so that I can afford things and I want to earn so much that I can even help people in the future. I want to make this world a better place. I don't wanna be the person who just takes birth and dies one day. But as I suffer from anxiety, I get anxious with small things, I worry too much and think about the future or the result too much which makes my life hard.

I know that therapy will make my life easier but I cannot afford therapy and my parents are already very tight in budget to be able to help me with that. I'm a student and the whole education system doesn't provide any help with mental health. I can go to a public psychiatrist who can prescribe me antidepressants for free but I don't want to take antidepressants.
I very much think that exercising and meditation on daily basis will help me but I cannot bring myself to do it everyday. I'm not consistent.

I hope you do good in life. Stay happy:)

You sound absolutely lovely wanting to help other when you are struggling yourself and that in itself feels positive and a recipe for being successful as a human being.

May I just say that helping others is not always related to money or education - though that helps a lot as well. You don't really need to be educated to a high level - if you imagine our fellow human beings who work within the charity sectors, caring sectors etc - those roles make a positive difference to so many people. I used to be honest from the age of 14 and remember feeling unsafe and hungry. Now I know some of my fellow human beings who are homeless in my area - and I reach put to them, we go for walks, help them with housing forms, advise, signposting etc. But the one that people always say that they are most appreciative of is when we go on walks and taking the time to listen to them. For people who are homeless, they often feel (made to feel) invisible and that time spent is incredibly helpful and can be life changing. It is amazing in how many ways we can help brighten someone's day or life. You will also find a lot of us on this forum struggle with crippling anxiety, depression, mental health challenges and quite a few of us neurodivergent (autism, ADHD etc) as well. Quite a few of us work with people and are in caring roles as well. We can be impacted and still function - and hopefully by working on something like CBT, that might help deal with some of that anxiety.

I am so sorry if I have absolutely bored you by writing so much. What i am trying to say is that the type of person which appears to be a warm, kind hearted is much bigger than education, power, ego etc. I, along with a number of other people who have commented here, believe that you can do this and reaching out fornaupport is crucial. I hope what I wrote makes sense.

 

[a.fool]

You sound absolutely lovely wanting to help other when you are struggling yourself and that in itself feels positive and a recipe for being successful as a human being.

May I just say that helping others is not always related to money or education - though that helps a lot as well. You don't really need to be educated to a high level - if you imagine our fellow human beings who work within the charity sectors, caring sectors etc - those roles make a positive difference to so many people. I used to be honest from the age of 14 and remember feeling unsafe and hungry. Now I know some of my fellow human beings who are homeless in my area - and I reach put to them, we go for walks, help them with housing forms, advise, signposting etc. But the one that people always say that they are most appreciative of is when we go on walks and taking the time to listen to them. For people who are homeless, they often feel (made to feel) invisible and that time spent is incredibly helpful and can be life changing. It is amazing in how many ways we can help brighten someone's day or life. You will also find a lot of us on this forum struggle with crippling anxiety, depression, mental health challenges and quite a few of us neurodivergent (autism, ADHD etc) as well. Quite a few of us work with people and are in caring roles as well. We can be impacted and still function - and hopefully by working on something like CBT, that might help deal with some of that anxiety.

I am so sorry if I have absolutely bored you by writing so much. What i am trying to say is that the type of person which appears to be a warm, kind hearted is much bigger than education, power, ego etc. I, along with a number of other people who have commented here, believe that you can do this and reaching out fornaupport is crucial. I hope what I wrote makes sense.

First of all, what you wrote didn't bore me at all, I actually appreciate everything you wrote so much.
Also, all that makes sense.
You know I have been a nice person but people do not appreciate that. They take me for granted. But I still be myself cause I can't stop myself from being nice.
Coming to people who need help, I still help people as much as I can by very little money even when I don't have much and by just talking nicely. The people in my country who are homeless or just wander on streets, they are the ones who don't go for work. And I want to help those who try to help themselves. I mostly help old people and those who are disabled or not capable of working. As a person who has a father who always worked so hard irrespective of the situation, I want to see people who are eager to work and not just sit and eat. I don't know if you agree with me but I have seen people who are disrespectful and expect you to help them without being grateful. I am not asking anyone to give me anything back but a little thanks never hurts. I want to help people on a large scale like making an old age home (my country has few of them with bad behaviour too) . So I want to build one where anyone can come who is old and stay there. I want to do something for disabled people too and the ones who want to work but do not have the skill, I want to teach them skills and give them employment. There are more ideas in my mind that I want to do but it'll require money and finding people who are not selfish in this generation is hard and I want to do everything out of just empathy for others. I want to hire people who can help me with managing the old age homes or teaching the skills to people or providing necessary stuff to people that we take care of, and that way I'll generate more employment. But I'm too broke to do all that. This all can be done if I get very good education and become very successful. I want to be gradual with the helping process as I become successful so that I can focus on everything properly step by step.
But it's hard for me to study because I have anxiety. I'm still trying. If I actually earn money, I'll be able to do everything I have thought otherwise I'll just do what I'm capable of like giving out food on weekends maybe like that.
I don't live in a developed country and there's lot of corruption here so I want to even help people as much as I can!

I'm not sure how much I can say that other people here already haven't, but I just wanted to offer my support as well. I promise you that being "successful" can come in many forms, and the only important thing is that you are making the best choices for you.
I'm sorry you're struggling right now and I hope things get better for you soon.

I hope everyone gets better and find peace within life.

 

[a.fool]

I don't know your parents, but they mustn't simply want for you to be successful (whatever that might be), but I can have an idea what you mean/ If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? As an teenager/young adult I had everything going for me to be "successful`' I was a very bright student and all, but at 17 I had my first breakdown (I have bipolar) and neither me nor others thought I'd graduate, but jumping from breakdown to breakdown I made my way til a post-doctoral fellowship. But I never consider that success, I guess we have a ghost inside us that never lets us/let us experience success.

I'm 18, I'll be 19 this year and it feels like life's already slipping away, there's so much to do already. I have taken a break right now to prepare for college entrance so that I can get into a good college. I feel like when will I join college. I don't even study enough to get good grades.

Now, back to the parenting thing. My mother was really supportive all along (although I'm sure she thought I'd never finish whatever I was doing). Today I'm married with a 14 yo daughter. We're both PhDs and I always promised myself that I'd never put the burden of success on her. That was easy whilst she was a straight A student, but when some of her grades went down to average we caught ourselves panicking. The panic didn't last long though. We still want her to go to a good university, but if she doesn't (want) we'll accept that. Parents (most of them, anyway) do expect crazy things but if the expectation is reflected from you it's your turn to accept your own expectations. Being often suicidal and a parent, I can say that they'd accept even suicide, but that's the very last thing in their mind.

Ya my parents are supportive. My mom keeps telling me that she loves me irrespective of how successful I become and she'll support me in anything I do. But at last we need money to survive in this world . In this time, things are getting pretty expensive. It's even very difficult to afford a family with kids and their education.

 

[PoorYorick]

I think about people that love me and that's what makes me stay and still live this shitty life.

After you wrote much more, I see a slightly different image of you. Now I wouldn't write the same I did first time :)

While you have dreams, you see a goal in your life, I don't think it's shitty. You may have a good life and I am happy that you have those dreams. I don't.

However there's always another side of love. If someone loves you, can they require you to live? Force you to live the shitty life just to make them happy?

I hope you fullfil your beautiful dreams at least partially. There are people who have money and don't know what to do with them. Maybe you will find them and find a way to convince them, that you have a good plan for their money :)

 

[a.fool]

After you wrote much more, I see a slightly different image of you. Now I wouldn't write the same I did first time :)

You can still say what you wanted to say.

While you have dreams, you see a goal in your life, I don't think it's shitty. You may have a good life and I am happy that you have those dreams. I don't.

Well the goal also puts pressure on a person so it's tough. Plus I do feel good sometimes but then the next moment something hits me and I'm depressed like before.

However there's always another side of love. If someone loves you, can they require you to live? Force you to live the shitty life just to make them happy?

If someone loves us, maybe they want us to live for ourselves and not for them. Love isn't selfish. If they want you to make them happy, that's selfish and that's not love. But, if they want you to live and grow and have an amazing life by doing better everyday then that's love according to me.

I hope you fullfil your beautiful dreams at least partially. There are people who have money and don't know what to do with them. Maybe you will find them and find a way to convince them, that you have a good plan for their money :)

Thank you. But people here in my country who have money, they know what they want to do with their life. Most of them are egoistic because of their money and most of them only want to buy expensive things instead of doing some good work.
I will surely take help of others(who are nice and want to be a part of good deed) in the form of donations but to actually start the journey, I'll need some money from my side right.

 

[Mayonaise]

If you don't mind, I have one last question: you stated you don't want to take antidepressant medications.
May I ask you why? Is there a particular reason? Meds can work wonderfully at times, if I were you I wouldn't ditch the chance to try something that could drastically improve my situation.
It's your choice, nobody here wants to impose anything on anyone, but I'd like to know why you aren't considering meds.

 

[a.fool]

If you don't mind, I have one last question: you stated you don't want to take antidepressant medications.
May I ask you why? Is there a particular reason? Meds can work wonderfully at times, if I were you I wouldn't ditch the chance to try something that could drastically improve my situation.
It's your choice, nobody here wants to impose anything on anyone, but I'd like to know why you aren't considering meds.

Well even hearing about antidepressants nowadays reminds me all the trauma I had!
I was on antidepressants for 6 months. It destroyed me. I don't know if someone will believe but it had major side effects on me. It took away my intelligence. I took high dosage of antidepressants prescribed by my doctor which made me sleep all day. The doctor bad to prescribe high dosage because when he started with less I wasn't getting any better. I was in severe depression.
Antidepressants made me kinda dumb if you understand. My brain doesn't function like before. I can't remember things like before. Before taking meds, I was a smart kid. It took me months to get back to even reading for sometime, I can do that now. But still I'm not smart like before. I don't even feel like I'm smart anymore. Nothing has helped so far. I feel like I lost a huge part of me. Being smart was my identity. I cry sometimes when I don't remember what I was thinking a minute or a second before. I can't even retain information like before.
Telling all of this makes me so sad.
I do not want to get worse, I can't take any more risk, I'm already really broke inside and that's why I can't take antidepressants anymore! Hope you understand now!

 

[Mayonaise]

Well even hearing about antidepressants nowadays reminds me all the trauma I had!
I was on antidepressants for 6 months. It destroyed me. I don't know if someone will believe but it had major side effects on me. It took away my intelligence. I took high dosage of antidepressants prescribed by my doctor which made me sleep all day. The doctor bad to prescribe high dosage because when he started with less I wasn't getting any better. I was in severe depression.
Antidepressants made me kinda dumb if you understand. My brain doesn't function like before. I can't remember things like before. Before taking meds, I was a smart kid. It took me months to get back to even reading for sometime, I can do that now. But still I'm not smart like before. I don't even feel like I'm smart anymore. Nothing has helped so far. I feel like I lost a huge part of me. Being smart was my identity. I cry sometimes when I don't remember what I was thinking a minute or a second before. I can't even retain information like before.
Telling all of this makes me so sad.
I do not want to get worse, I can't take any more risk, I'm already really broke inside and that's why I can't take antidepressants anymore! Hope you understand now!

I'm terribly sorry, really. I'm sorry my question brought up painful memories, but I appreciate your reply.
I 100% believe you when you talk about side effects - I had very bad side effects myself, but sometimes that can be solved by switching to another medication. There are a lot of different AD out there, maybe you just haven't found the right one for you.
I hope you will reconsider your choice in the future but I respect any decision you may make.
Again, I apologize if I made you feel worse, please understand I was just trying to help.

 

[a.fool]

I'm terribly sorry, really. I'm sorry my question brought up painful memories, but I appreciate your reply.
I 100% believe you when you talk about side effects - I had very bad side effects myself, but sometimes that can be solved by switching to another medication. There are a lot of different AD out there, maybe you just haven't found the right one for you.
I hope you will reconsider your choice in the future but I respect any decision you may make.
Again, I apologize if I made you feel worse, please understand I was just trying to help.

It's ok don't feel bad. Another side effect for me was I gained alot of weight that I still cannot lose. I used to be skinny but healthy back then but I feel insecure of my body now as I have gained weight and I can't lose it.
I don't think I'll be able to take antidepressants again, the thought of it scares me now!
I hope maybe in future I can afford therapy and the therapist helps me with the trauma I had with those meds.

 

[Mayonaise]

I really hope things get better for you. Feel free to PM me if I can be of any comfort