Help help? idk my current bf wants me to go to therapy

[dumpsterfire]

been to four separate therapists from 4 diff places and all of them sucked. got told that my lil episodes were pms and they'll smoothen out as i get older ( i was 15 and had already had my menstrual cycle for around 5-6ish years) and guess what never happened. anyway, had a lil episode where i got really paranoid about my bf and some stuff he does that i dont like that he does. But i snapped at him and broke down in front of him and basically went "im so sorry that i couldnt be [al the attributes of his exes] " 800 times and he asked why i was apologizing and i told him that i was considering ctb and he flipped out. we are not a forever relationship, we are a fuck around and have fun relationship because i hate commitment. but he asked if this happened before n i said yeah, and he told me that "the way you act, you need a therapist and some kind of medication." and he said that i seemed to be really bipolar. I don't care what flavor of depression i am and i really dont want meds, lowkey scared that they'll change me and i am way over therapists. I feel so bad, because i think im turning into a forever gf for him when im more a long term but eventually go separate ways gf and he already knows thats how i feel. I feel horrible because he told me he was really worried he'll wake up one day and i'll go radio silence and he'll have to just assume im dead, and he finished it all off with "i want you to be happy, because i like happy dumpsterfire" and fuck he knows i love corny shit like that. he is one of the few reasons i havent stopped by the station yet.

˚ ‧ '₊anyway how do i make it clear that im not gonna go to therapy ft. any other excuse as to why im not ₊ ˚ ‧ ♡

 

[MerryGoDown]

Ugh corny shit like that gets me every time, I'm tearing up, he sounds so sweet.
Does he know about your experiences with previous therapists? I used to be a pro-lifer and would get so distressed about my ex because of the trauma they had been through, and urged them to go to therapy frequently. When I finally understood how little the system helps, and specifically them, I kinda gave up and focused more on supporting them any way I could to get them through. Helping him realize that it's not entirely that you don't want help, or don't think that there's a problem but rather you've gotten help and the help didn't cut it four separate times could help him realize the futility.

Granted, this will still distress him especially for as committed as he is to you and your well-being. Giving him ways to help out could help him cope with you not going to therapy.

 

[dumpsterfire]

Ugh corny shit like that gets me every time, I'm tearing up, he sounds so sweet.
Does he know about your experiences with previous therapists? I used to be a pro-lifer and would get so distressed about my ex because of the trauma they had been through, and urged them to go to therapy frequently. When I finally understood how little the system helps, and specifically them, I kinda gave up and focused more on supporting them any way I could to get them through. Helping him realize that it's not entirely that you don't want help, or don't think that there's a problem but rather you've gotten help and the help didn't cut it four separate times could help him realize the futility.

Granted, this will still distress him especially for as committed as he is to you and your well-being. Giving him ways to help out could help him cope with you not going to therapy.

ty, he is so sweet i love him sm fr. He knows ive been to therapy before and he knows how unhelpful its been, but i think it's the unknowing 'understanding' that still gets him to ebb me on to go. He knows i want to be better, but i dont think he believes it

 

[poisontree]

you should probably listen to him but i understand why you dont want to go cuz im in the same situation . you could tell him about your past experiences with your therapists maybe hell understand or maybe he will tell you he knows a really good therapist idunno i hope all ends up well for you

 

[SolomonKado]

honestly I've been through this more times then I like being the "caring boyfriend." I even went to my ex's house after she dumped and cheated on me because she called and was afraid she was going to commit suicide. Almost did too. I stayed up all night watching her while she slept and stayed until her parents got there.

I just wanted her to be okay. The other stuff is what it is.

You could do therapy and it possibly fail again. What if, now bear with me, what if you go to therapy together?! If he really cares about you then It could help him learn how to help you out of your spirals. Knowing he was there during your therapy might help you feel he is an absolutely safe space, but you have to have the courage to ask and accept whatever his answer is. It's all up to what you want for your life and what your willing to do to get it.

One thing I learned being the kind hearted one is you get hurt a lot. If you don't have a strong heart it will eventually kill you. My current predicament. It almost seemed like the girls I was with only cared about what they were getting and less about how I it was affecting me. No matter how much I helped or how much I tried to show them a kind heart it always ended up the same. My ex even told me she was sorry what she did to me and that it's just who she is. Instead of getting better she accepted it and left a trail of broken people and hoped "sorry" was good enough. I have other things attributing to it, but anything with the heart hurts the most.

 

[Rack.-]

been to four separate therapists from 4 diff places and all of them sucked. got told that my lil episodes were pms and they'll smoothen out as i get older ( i was 15 and had already had my menstrual cycle for around 5-6ish years) and guess what never happened. anyway, had a lil episode where i got really paranoid about my bf and some stuff he does that i dont like that he does. But i snapped at him and broke down in front of him and basically went "im so sorry that i couldnt be [al the attributes of his exes] " 800 times and he asked why i was apologizing and i told him that i was considering ctb and he flipped out. we are not a forever relationship, we are a fuck around and have fun relationship because i hate commitment. but he asked if this happened before n i said yeah, and he told me that "the way you act, you need a therapist and some kind of medication." and he said that i seemed to be really bipolar. I don't care what flavor of depression i am and i really dont want meds, lowkey scared that they'll change me and i am way over therapists. I feel so bad, because i think im turning into a forever gf for him when im more a long term but eventually go separate ways gf and he already knows thats how i feel. I feel horrible because he told me he was really worried he'll wake up one day and i'll go radio silence and he'll have to just assume im dead, and he finished it all off with "i want you to be happy, because i like happy dumpsterfire" and fuck he knows i love corny shit like that. he is one of the few reasons i havent stopped by the station yet.

˚ ‧ '₊anyway how do i make it clear that im not gonna go to therapy ft. any other excuse as to why im not ₊ ˚ ‧ ♡

Hey have you considered going to therapy with him? Maybe if he sits by your side while doing the sessions it would be much more easy to go through it, because then he would be there as well to comfort you :3

 

[ArchmagePrincess]

All you can really do is be completely honest with him and explain to him what you explained here. That you had bad experiences with other therapists and don't feel comfortable going to another. Have an open discussion about everything, feelings and past issues and all.

Although personally, it does raise some red flags in my opinion since in my experience abusers will see understandable reactions to their behavior or the world around you and uneducatedly declare seems like "X diagnosis" and that you need therapy and medication to go fix it.

If you don't think it's gonna help and you aren't comfortable, that's totally understandable, a bad therapist can make someone way worse and it sounds like you've already been burned by the system. Put your foot down, explain why you're not going, and if he has a problem with it and escalates it then that's an issue of not respecting your choices, thoughts, and feelings.

 

[Arachnid_Antichrist]

Ugh corny shit like that gets me every time, I'm tearing up, he sounds so sweet.
Does he know about your experiences with previous therapists? I used to be a pro-lifer and would get so distressed about my ex because of the trauma they had been through, and urged them to go to therapy frequently. When I finally understood how little the system helps, and specifically them, I kinda gave up and focused more on supporting them any way I could to get them through. Helping him realize that it's not entirely that you don't want help, or don't think that there's a problem but rather you've gotten help and the help didn't cut it four separate times could help him realize the futility.

Granted, this will still distress him especially for as committed as he is to you and your well-being. Giving him ways to help out could help him cope with you not going to therapy.

(This is just me so don't take my advice) I would more than likely just lie about going to therapy and lie about feeling better. I mean, it's easy and accessible. But this is just smth that I would do and I'm an idiot so don't take my advice AT ALL.