Venting help, I failed

[rodie9k]

Today I tried killing myself with the equivalent of 3.2 grams of diphenhydramine.

Everything went according to plan. I bought the drugs. Then left my room with only the drugs, a notebook, two pens, and enough money for a one-way taxi to nearby wilderness.

Didn't take my phone to avoid calling emergency. Didn't take additional money. Went somewhere secluded so I couldn't reach help. I had ensured nobody could save me.

after getting there, I found a couple dogs and played with them. I asked them if I should I do it and they didn't seem to say no. I traveled a bit and found a rock to sit on.

I started swallowing the benadryl. did exactly two thirds in (around 2 grams). then my stomach got upset and I puked. diphenhydramine treats nausea yet it caused nausea. I was bummed.

last week was one of the happiest I had ever been, because there was a way out of the misery. now I don't know. I feel mentally cornered by the rating.

everyone else is happy, and I'm cursed to be miserable and alive. is there any other way to die? one that works and kills without causing a scheme

 

[Fktw0rld]

Well, you didn't fail. Diphenhydramine just isn't an effective method. Take your time and do some more research. Engage with others on the forums. You'll learn alot and solidify a chosen method that's effective.

 

[paleperson]

Benadryl can be used recreationally to get high from. More around 500mg-1000mg. It can cause hallucinations and euphoria. But it is also known to have strong side effects like rapid heart beat, blurred vision and seizures. When I used Benadryl I would use around 1-2 g daily. I had above side effects. While they are bad side effects I took that much benadryl daily for months and never came close to death at all. I am on a few dph subreddits and many people take high amounts with no fatal consequences. I have seen the occasional news report about a teen who happens to die from a benadryl od but I would say the odds are not in your favor at all. Maybe stick to a low dose and see if you can get high long as you already have some.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you had this experience. It must had been really awful. I guess that with methods all that anyone can do, is do research to reduce the chance of something going wrong. I wish you relief from your suffering.

 

[👁️👃👁️]

Eadryl can be used recreationally to get high from. More around 500mg-1000mg. It can cause hallucinations and euphoria. But it is also known to have strong side effects like rapid heart beat, blurred vision and seizures. When I used Benadryl I would use around 1-2 g daily. I had above side effects. While they are bad side effects I took that much benadryl daily for months and never came close to death at all. I am on a few dph subreddits and many people take high amounts with no fatal consequences. I have seen the occasional news report about a teen who happens to die from a benadryl od but I would say the odds are not in your favor at all. Maybe stick to a low dose and see if you can get high long as you already have some.

Euphoria??? You get euphoria from being delirious and seeing spiders everywhere and people that aren't there?

Sorry op. That sounds terrible. Sorry you're going through this.

 

[thebunny]

i'm sorry to hear that you went through such a thing. failures can be really demotivating. as far as i know, there's a very little chance of actually dying from a benadryl overdose. i do hope you'd find the peace you've been wanting. wishing you the best of luck on finding your next best method.

 

[jodes2]

I'm sorry you went through that. Have you considered SN?

 

[Mofreeko]

From what I could gather from about 2 minutes of google searching diphenhydramine, what you did was like bringing a glass of water into the forest, pouring it over your head and expecting to drown.

 

[Hope:-)]

In fairness, I failed too. Got everything I needed other than benzos and was walking around like a condemned woman who ended up not even checking into the hotel.. Realised that I am not someone who can do this without being out of it on benzos, I'm being philosophical about it. These things need refining.

I'm sorry to hear of your experience. I know my failure made me feel like I was stuck here and that is not a good feeling, but I'm realising that I'm not. | just need to amend things and keep the faith xx

 

[rodie9k]

hi everyone thanks for the replies

I've understood diphenhydramine is stupid and wouldn't have worked even if I had taken all of it (some googling suggested 40mg/kg is fatal but looks like that's wrong).

Have you considered SN?

that's sodium nitrite? I had read about it, but where I live there's no way to purchase any with cash so I went with diphenhydramine. anyway seems like I'll have to risk buying this online hoping I don't get caught

thanks everyone for the suggestions I'll try to get my hands on some SN

 

[makethepainstop]

If you are in the USA, you can go to science supply houses online and order.
The place I ordered from did have a small questions form, I checked I needed the sn
for a home science project. Got it about 4 or 5 days later! :)

 

[Hollowillow]

Today I tried killing myself with the equivalent of 3.2 grams of diphenhydramine.

Everything went according to plan. I bought the drugs. Then left my room with only the drugs, a notebook, two pens, and enough money for a one-way taxi to nearby wilderness.

Didn't take my phone to avoid calling emergency. Didn't take additional money. Went somewhere secluded so I couldn't reach help. I had ensured nobody could save me.

after getting there, I found a couple dogs and played with them. I asked them if I should I do it and they didn't seem to say no. I traveled a bit and found a rock to sit on.

I started swallowing the benadryl. did exactly two thirds in (around 2 grams). then my stomach got upset and I puked. diphenhydramine treats nausea yet it caused nausea. I was bummed.

last week was one of the happiest I had ever been, because there was a way out of the misery. now I don't know. I feel mentally cornered by the rating.

everyone else is happy, and I'm cursed to be miserable and alive. is there any other way to die? one that works and kills without causing a scheme

Practice makes perfect? Many drugs cause what they're supposed to cure... I hate medicine
Wait you didn't try sn with that? Drugs are the most unlikely to kill you quick. They kill slowly

 

[rodie9k]

home science project

bruh

 

[actual_fox]

Oh man, failing to ctb really sucks. It may feel worse then before the attempt, that is how I felt It.