Help Help filling extra free-time

[symphony]

Hey y'all. I've been offline for a while. I'm still around and still suicidal, but engaging has been harder lately.

Anyways, I struggle to fill my time. I"m a student but I'm on medical leave this semester so I don't have schoolwork. I'm not working either, and the only jobs I could get are menial bullshit (assuming in the first place I'm well enough to hold down a job). I generally failingly attempt to fill my time by playing games and watching videos online, but even that isn't great. It can't sustain my attention as long as I need. It's a half-decent distraction but only for a short amount of time. I've tried things like exercise, reading, crafting, etc but I can't get into them. I can't focus, or I don't have the energy. My depressed brain won't let me. I don't have a car and live away from major cities so going fun places to do things, while possible, is difficult.

But even with that all, I've been getting by. In a week's time, that's all about to change.

See, I've been participating in an intensive therapy program that takes up over 20 hours a week of my time. I'm getting kicked out at the end of next week and I'll do 1-2 hours of individual therapy a week instead. Clearly that's gonna cause more issues than just this one, but suddenly I'm going to need to fill 20 more hours than I'm used to. I'm scared, I don't know how the fuck I'm going to manage, and I'm worried I'm just gonna completely devolve into even unhealthier patterns.

So... help????????

 

[PreussenBlueJay]

That's very tough. As much as I want to say fill it with hobbies, I've learned lately that doesn't even work for me. I have to trick myself into turning the game on and then playing a video to listen to something while trying to focus on the game. If I can listen to something with which I disagree it helps engage me a little more until I'm sufficiently lost in my game.

I've had some luck reading books I find objectionable. Television plus exercise or playing with the dog sometimes helps.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

Hi @symphony :) It's good to hear from you.

I have a few questions to understand your situation better. Why they kiched you out of the therapy? Didn't the therapist give you any ideas to fill your time?

Well, when I was also on medical leave I couldn't find any hobbies to distract myself, other than being here on SS and watching tv. Eventually what helped me get back to being functional was the medication and having to go back to work. I think that, in my experience, when it's things we are forced to do it works better in our state. Otherwise we would end up doing nothing all day and, in my case, I let myself stay in bed and ended up staying in that state for 2 months. It was awful.

So, my advice is to find something that makes you feel obligated to fulfill. Maybe you can go back to school early? Maybe you can give it another chance and try to find other kinds of jobs that you like? For example, in a coffee shop, in a store, in a library, or maybe something to do with animals. I've always been curious to try my hand at being a dog walker. And maybe you can do some volunteering too?

I hope you find something you enjoy doing and that occupies your time :)