elphieindecay
We’re all just walking eachother home.
- Jun 2, 2020
- 4
Hi there, SS!
I'm not sure if intro threads are a thing, but I've been "lurking" in the background here for a while to get a feel for things, and finally felt brave enough to make my presence known.
Reading through so many of your stories and struggles has truly made me feel less alone. I've never experienced a community that is so open minded about a subject that seems impossible to grasp for most of the world. It's been refreshing and liberating in a sense, and I feel like I've gotten to know many of you, even from afar.
This life has been...difficult to manage, to say the least. I suffered relentless sexual abuse from ages 2-14 at the hands of my mother and her various male conquests. She was an addict, heavy drugs, alcohol, you name it. Basically, selling my body paid her rent. These events and the perpetual physical abuse left me with little to no faith in humanity, as one can probably imagine. Every waking moment until I was about 17 was a living hell.
After gaining my Independence, I tried very hard to overcome the side effects of trauma, and have actually done a relatively good job. I am financially stable, have no problems holding a job, have never touched any drugs, and I don't gravitate towards dangerous men or situations. Of course, ignoring trauma has its consequences.
On the surface, I have a nice, quiet life with my two kitties, but I have always known I would commit suicide at a young age, likely before 30 (I'm 26). I attempted twice when I was 15, and once when I was 9. All failures of course, I was young and didn't know what I was doing. I thought dying would be easier.
I don't feel emotional about death at all. I feel quite nervous about what comes after, though. Either god is real, or he isn't. And both of those possibilities terrify me. Not enough to hold me off forever, but gives me enough reason to stay for now. That, and the cats, ha.
Anyway, I won't rant forever and bore everyone here, just wanted to pop in and say hello, thank you all for creating a space where people like us can come together without judgement, this website has already proven itself invaluable in my eyes, and I'm so thankful. Wonderful to meet you all, I hope to get to know you all better in the time we have left together.
I'm not sure if intro threads are a thing, but I've been "lurking" in the background here for a while to get a feel for things, and finally felt brave enough to make my presence known.
Reading through so many of your stories and struggles has truly made me feel less alone. I've never experienced a community that is so open minded about a subject that seems impossible to grasp for most of the world. It's been refreshing and liberating in a sense, and I feel like I've gotten to know many of you, even from afar.
This life has been...difficult to manage, to say the least. I suffered relentless sexual abuse from ages 2-14 at the hands of my mother and her various male conquests. She was an addict, heavy drugs, alcohol, you name it. Basically, selling my body paid her rent. These events and the perpetual physical abuse left me with little to no faith in humanity, as one can probably imagine. Every waking moment until I was about 17 was a living hell.
After gaining my Independence, I tried very hard to overcome the side effects of trauma, and have actually done a relatively good job. I am financially stable, have no problems holding a job, have never touched any drugs, and I don't gravitate towards dangerous men or situations. Of course, ignoring trauma has its consequences.
On the surface, I have a nice, quiet life with my two kitties, but I have always known I would commit suicide at a young age, likely before 30 (I'm 26). I attempted twice when I was 15, and once when I was 9. All failures of course, I was young and didn't know what I was doing. I thought dying would be easier.
I don't feel emotional about death at all. I feel quite nervous about what comes after, though. Either god is real, or he isn't. And both of those possibilities terrify me. Not enough to hold me off forever, but gives me enough reason to stay for now. That, and the cats, ha.
Anyway, I won't rant forever and bore everyone here, just wanted to pop in and say hello, thank you all for creating a space where people like us can come together without judgement, this website has already proven itself invaluable in my eyes, and I'm so thankful. Wonderful to meet you all, I hope to get to know you all better in the time we have left together.
