Hi all
I am glad a forum such as this exists. I am a 31-year-old male. I have no interest in this life. I have been depressed for over 10 years now. Had an alcoholic and abusive parent in my childhood and that is most likely responsible for my mental state as an adult. I waded through the last decade because I had some responsibilities to my mom and sibling. I didn't want my CTB to affect their lives because my mom went through a lot of abuse and this would only have added to her misery. And my sister was studying and it would have affected her education. A few years ago my mom died of cancer. My sister has also finished her studies and is now happily married. Now I am waiting for my pet dog(he is very old now almost 15)to pass on and then I will be truly free.
I hinted to my sister last month that I am planning to CTB sometime in the next few years. One of my colleagues wants to marry me. I refused and told her about my plans and that her future would be affected by this. My motto is to make sure that people who know me suffer as little as possible after I CTB. So I will never have a long-term relationship and definitely no children.
So I have waited for all these years counting each day, waiting for my turn. There were a few, very few happy moments in these 10 years. I am grateful for those. All these years I also tried to bring myself out of this state through therapy, medications, exercising and hobbies and none of those helped. I recently started an online masters program to keep my mind occupied. I feel 'normal for a while' and then go back to my usual state of mind. I realized CTB is what I should do. There is no escaping this. I am tired. Hope to rest in peace soon.
I am glad a forum such as this exists. I am a 31-year-old male. I have no interest in this life. I have been depressed for over 10 years now. Had an alcoholic and abusive parent in my childhood and that is most likely responsible for my mental state as an adult. I waded through the last decade because I had some responsibilities to my mom and sibling. I didn't want my CTB to affect their lives because my mom went through a lot of abuse and this would only have added to her misery. And my sister was studying and it would have affected her education. A few years ago my mom died of cancer. My sister has also finished her studies and is now happily married. Now I am waiting for my pet dog(he is very old now almost 15)to pass on and then I will be truly free.
I hinted to my sister last month that I am planning to CTB sometime in the next few years. One of my colleagues wants to marry me. I refused and told her about my plans and that her future would be affected by this. My motto is to make sure that people who know me suffer as little as possible after I CTB. So I will never have a long-term relationship and definitely no children.
So I have waited for all these years counting each day, waiting for my turn. There were a few, very few happy moments in these 10 years. I am grateful for those. All these years I also tried to bring myself out of this state through therapy, medications, exercising and hobbies and none of those helped. I recently started an online masters program to keep my mind occupied. I feel 'normal for a while' and then go back to my usual state of mind. I realized CTB is what I should do. There is no escaping this. I am tired. Hope to rest in peace soon.
