Here you can get hold of helium pretty easily, I have one tank I bought a couple of months ago. I must have researched it for many days before buying it, and my research told me that if no other gasses, such as oxygen, are listed on the tank, which they must be by law, then they're not in there. Is this the case?. If so, this one is approx 14 cubic feet, would I need another one to make it work?. I have the plastic tubing, told S/O it was for making jewellery lol. Well some bits of it are, as back before my hands stopped working I was very creative.
I cannot really order large items off the internet, so buying nitrogen would be really difficult. He thinks you can get high on everything too, so if he saw it, this would be his first thought, as unlike helium, which I can say I just want to mess around blowing up balloons, because why not? lol, I have no real purpose for nitrogen.
It's also expensive, and he is very suspicious of large sums of money going out of my bank account. This is because, again, he is paranoid that I am buying drugs off the internet. I have to open all parcels in front of him as well.
He never dealt with it, my addictions that is, and it can be like a police state in this house sometimes.
I wish I was back on drugs, if I got my hands on some more benzos and relieved the symptoms that have all led to this point, maybe I would not be talking about CTB so much.
So many choices taken away from me, so many rights turned into wrongs, I do not want to fuck this up too. I want a clean, well planned exit and at the moment, inert gas is the only feesable method for me. My preferred method would be OD on something like Fentanyl and just go to sleep, but I vowed that drugs have already killed me, and I don't want others carrying this stigma too. If my exit looks well planned, and I explain it well, then it should go some way to avoiding any more 'druggie stigma'.
So which one wins out? Nitrogen or Helium? I know you can get Nitrogen from brewing supply places sometimes, but I have no transport and not a lot of money. Helium is also cheaper and easier for me to get as I can get it from local supermarkets etc.
Also if I am making an exit bag, which bags are best to use? I read that an oven roasting bag is best but I can't find one big enough without buying it online and raising suspicions.
My other huge issue is not wanting to do it in the house, I owe him this. If he decides he cannot bear living here anymore once I am gone, he may want to sell the shitty place and knowing I died in one of the rooms will make that really, really hard.
If I went out from OD, I found a little place I could do it where I would not be found for a while. I'm going to have to risk trying to CTB right under his nose, probably while he is still in bed, but I was going to wait until he has one of his many hospital appointments and do it then.
Oh fuck, how do you look someone you love in the eye knowing it will be the last time you see them, ever?
I don't know how I am going to handle some aspects of this, the thought of him finding me is a thought I am trying to keep out of my mind as best as possible.
Thanks for any advice,
ID x
I cannot really order large items off the internet, so buying nitrogen would be really difficult. He thinks you can get high on everything too, so if he saw it, this would be his first thought, as unlike helium, which I can say I just want to mess around blowing up balloons, because why not? lol, I have no real purpose for nitrogen.
It's also expensive, and he is very suspicious of large sums of money going out of my bank account. This is because, again, he is paranoid that I am buying drugs off the internet. I have to open all parcels in front of him as well.
He never dealt with it, my addictions that is, and it can be like a police state in this house sometimes.
I wish I was back on drugs, if I got my hands on some more benzos and relieved the symptoms that have all led to this point, maybe I would not be talking about CTB so much.
So many choices taken away from me, so many rights turned into wrongs, I do not want to fuck this up too. I want a clean, well planned exit and at the moment, inert gas is the only feesable method for me. My preferred method would be OD on something like Fentanyl and just go to sleep, but I vowed that drugs have already killed me, and I don't want others carrying this stigma too. If my exit looks well planned, and I explain it well, then it should go some way to avoiding any more 'druggie stigma'.
So which one wins out? Nitrogen or Helium? I know you can get Nitrogen from brewing supply places sometimes, but I have no transport and not a lot of money. Helium is also cheaper and easier for me to get as I can get it from local supermarkets etc.
Also if I am making an exit bag, which bags are best to use? I read that an oven roasting bag is best but I can't find one big enough without buying it online and raising suspicions.
My other huge issue is not wanting to do it in the house, I owe him this. If he decides he cannot bear living here anymore once I am gone, he may want to sell the shitty place and knowing I died in one of the rooms will make that really, really hard.
If I went out from OD, I found a little place I could do it where I would not be found for a while. I'm going to have to risk trying to CTB right under his nose, probably while he is still in bed, but I was going to wait until he has one of his many hospital appointments and do it then.
Oh fuck, how do you look someone you love in the eye knowing it will be the last time you see them, ever?
I don't know how I am going to handle some aspects of this, the thought of him finding me is a thought I am trying to keep out of my mind as best as possible.
Thanks for any advice,
ID x
