Heaven knows I'm miserable now

[MrBlue]

So I've recently been offered a job, which I know should be a positive thing. But it's in a very high intensity environment doing something I have very little knowledge on, and I applied for it expecting them not to give it to me because of my anxiety. I'm terrified I will sink like a lead balloon, and that the intensity of it will leave me too exhausted to do the other things I want to achieve to recover, like make friendships/relationships, which is already almost impossible for me. The NHS support I have been given is also been basically telling me to go get a job, and while it hasn't been helpful really I'm worried that now I have one I'll be taken off of lists for proper treatment I am currently on.

I'd just prepared myself for ctb because nothing was getting done and now I have no clue what to do. Sorry for the rant :/

 

[GrumpyFrog]

Just wanted to say I've been in your spot and it might not be as scary as it sounds. This summer I came to interview for an entry-level position and my interviewer told me that the position I wanted is already taken, but they have a "better", more challenging one that I seem like a good fit for and they offered me a test task. I only agreed because I was too anxious to say "no" when they presented it as if it was great news for me, and fully expected to fail, but didn't. I had all the same feelings about it you have now.

So far I've been in for 3 months, I passed my probation, and even got a raise after my very first review. The job stopped being so scary and challenging about a month and a half after I first started, it's still hard, but I guess I'm getting used. I am even questioning my CTB plans now that I had a raise and a lot of positive feedback. I know it's really scary for you now, but it can really turn out not to be that bad. You just need to get through the hardest part that is now. Try to hang on and treat yourself whenever you can to help yourself get through it. After all, the worst that can happen is you going back to being unemployed, which is where you started, right?

 

[Grav]

I've been in the same boat my whole working life, not good enough and be found out to be an incompetent boob. But each time I've survived. Did you go into the interview with honesty or try to trick them? As long as you were up front with your experience and knowledge you should be fine.

 

[MrBlue]

I've been in the same boat my whole working life, not good enough and be found out to be an incompetent boob. But each time I've survived. Did you go into the interview with honesty or try to trick them? As long as you were up front with your experience and knowledge you should be fine.

I didn't trick them intentially or anything, though I downplayed how my anxiety effected my work performance once they noticed I did quite well in my graduation results. I also exaggerated how much I was eager to do laboratory work, because in reality I messed up constantly in practicals, they were just rarely assessed.

 

[Good4Nothing]

I was looking for a job and then I found a job, and heaven knows I'm miserable now.

 

[ThrownAwayTom]

Oh man, this is me in March of this year. I blagged my way in to a job at a really decent accountancy institution and basically shit myself when they offered me the job. I've never been to university, got terrible grades at school and am just not that kind of "busy body" person they wanted - I just managed to smooth talk it basically.

Zip forward to now and it's going well - it's super stressful and I feel like everyone is breezing along other than me but, fuck it? What I found hard to internalise is that they want you, not the other way round. Training, HR, inductions etc. all cost money, and they wouldn't be willing to invest it if they didn't think you were right. You might feel a lot worse if you don't go for it and wonder what could have been if you're still unemployed in a couple months.

 

[MrBlue]

Thank you all for the support and advice, this community has really helped me out, even before I joined in July.

I've still got to do DBS stuff before I join up, and there's a 6 month probation period so I guess they're not super stuck if I do end up failing miserably. I'm just going to go and prepare as much as I possibly can and expect the worst so anything else will be a pleasant surprise. :)

 

[sufferingalways]

Wow congratulations. Wishing you all the best in your new job MrBlue. Smooth talking got you in the door, pass some of it my way will you please ;)

 

[Weather]

This sounds like really great news! Congratulations!

I know it's scary, but what you describe seems a lot like imposter syndrome. It's very common, and once you understand it, it can stop having so much power over you. Most people who are successful feel like they are just waiting to be found out -- but feeling that way doesn't actually mean you aren't doing well.