Livingvsdying25
Enlightened
- Dec 8, 2019
- 1,188
Sighhhss so I myself have forgetten bc I have a lot going on buttttt I have some breast cyst issues that I needa do an ultrasound so I can know if its cancerous or not.
I need to an ultrasound to see whats up with my menstrual cycle/blood clots.
I needa do some xrays and bloodwork to figure out why my fingers and toes lock (its been happening since I was a kid)
Needa do testing for hyperthyroidism.
And testing for my eye that cost almost $100 fucking dollars.
And yeeeee
no fucking wonder I am so exhausted. No fucking wonder I feel just... defeated. I mean honestly the breast cysts being cancerous wouldn't even be the worst things ever tbh. Then I could just refuse treatment but I once wished I had something like cancer. I know now it is very painful to go through. Maybe then I'd qualify more throughly for MAID or something. Like faster or smthin.
It really sucks having so many health issues bc its also hard to take care of it all. Its hard to even take care of the testing that needs to be done.
I guess if im dying at the end of this month then it's ok... it doesn't per say matter... but end of June isnt guaranteed.
So I'm gonna try to get it together enough to get to my doctor's this week and do the forms needed to get some support for disability transportation. Then I can get help to go to all these appointments.
My body is sooo fucked up.
No one would want to live my life or in my body so why should I be expected to??
Everytime I talk to someone new about my life they go "you really have a lot going on" and im like yeee???
Like if its too much for everyone I speak to then why am I expected to live? Makes no fucking sense.... but fuck what people think. I know I don't want to live anymore. That's valid enough.
I just gotta keep myself away from people long enough to keep in my suicidal mind. Get the ultrasound done and then make sure if it is cancerous or not bc if it is I could have access to a painless death... sighs as of rn that's where I am at.
Today was... an ok day I guess. Not too horrible. About to eat my last freeze and hoping to get some sleep soon.
But yee just remembered these health issues that I'm exhausted about... that are an addition to the health issues I already have. It's too much for one person.
I need to an ultrasound to see whats up with my menstrual cycle/blood clots.
I needa do some xrays and bloodwork to figure out why my fingers and toes lock (its been happening since I was a kid)
Needa do testing for hyperthyroidism.
And testing for my eye that cost almost $100 fucking dollars.
And yeeeee
no fucking wonder I am so exhausted. No fucking wonder I feel just... defeated. I mean honestly the breast cysts being cancerous wouldn't even be the worst things ever tbh. Then I could just refuse treatment but I once wished I had something like cancer. I know now it is very painful to go through. Maybe then I'd qualify more throughly for MAID or something. Like faster or smthin. It really sucks having so many health issues bc its also hard to take care of it all. Its hard to even take care of the testing that needs to be done.
I guess if im dying at the end of this month then it's ok... it doesn't per say matter... but end of June isnt guaranteed.
So I'm gonna try to get it together enough to get to my doctor's this week and do the forms needed to get some support for disability transportation. Then I can get help to go to all these appointments.
My body is sooo fucked up.
No one would want to live my life or in my body so why should I be expected to?? Everytime I talk to someone new about my life they go "you really have a lot going on" and im like yeee???
Like if its too much for everyone I speak to then why am I expected to live? Makes no fucking sense.... but fuck what people think. I know I don't want to live anymore. That's valid enough.
I just gotta keep myself away from people long enough to keep in my suicidal mind. Get the ultrasound done and then make sure if it is cancerous or not bc if it is I could have access to a painless death... sighs as of rn that's where I am at.
Today was... an ok day I guess. Not too horrible. About to eat my last freeze and hoping to get some sleep soon.
But yee just remembered these health issues that I'm exhausted about... that are an addition to the health issues I already have. It's too much for one person.
