fungus
Member
- Sep 5, 2025
- 11
Anyone who has read some of my vents will know that I have a big problem with my parents.
But to be honest despite my personal issues with them and their parenting I think they are weird people.
Like my father is lately always smiling at me and trying to have smalltalk and being all nice, and does not understand why me (or my brother) avoid him.. but he is also just not a person I would want to be around even if he isn't my father.
A few months earlier he told me that I suck at my hobbie and his ideas (for an current busines idea) is much better and was just rude and arrogant because I didn't want to work for him and help him with his ideas.
What is just such a huge red flag. I was 16/17 at that time.. And I just told him that I want to concentrate on school and my own little hobbie projects. And he took it somehow personal?
Or one time when I was around 15, I was at home on the couch during a hot sommer only in a long T-shirt and he ask jokingly if I wear underwear under it.
Just.. ??? I think he even pulled the T-shirt up a little bit? Or looked under it.. something like that at least. And my mother sat directly beside me.. how do you come to the conclusion this is appropriate?
I don't remeber how my mother reacted or if he ever apoligized for it, but I did not want to be near him for the next two months or so. I just feelt really uncomfortable after that.
I don't even think he meant it sexual, but it is just such a weird thing to do.
I was for a long time not even sure if this really happened because it was so out of touch with what I had ever expirienced with my parents. Like I had to dream this, because no normal person would do that. Or at least not my father.. That's also the reason I don't tell that story other people. I don't want them to think my father is a weird pedo or something like that while I can't even remember this small incident correctly.
He also just don't give a fuck about my mother being unhappy because he cleans all the time. It is definetly some mental problem of him, but he still acts after years of it causing problems like we just don't get him and as he is completly in the right and don't need to change anything.
Or when I decided for my last two school years in what classes I want to specialize. He asked me what I choose and then were like: oh i thaugt you would choose math because you are good in it. And I was like: Is too much work and I don't find it that interisting. And he just stand their akwardly for 10 minutes trying to.. I don't even know what his goal was.. convince me math is better? Just repeating asking why not math? Like I told him, he pauses and just saying again.. but you are good in math.
Like the concept of me not taking math just didn't get in his head.
Or Only few months after my suicide attempt when I got my school certificate and I was like: It isn't as bad as I thought.. because I was fucking depressed and tried to kill myself that year.
And he just told me straight: You can't say this is good, these grades are terrible and you definetly need to do better.
And I didn't even fail the year.. like.. damn even my mother understood that this was insensitiv.
So yeah.. It is just this small interactions between him being this 'happy dad who just tries to connect' that makes me feel weird about him. everytime I have an actual conversation with him it gets akward.
And my mother...
I understand her more but she is sometimes also just...like a child.
The most obvious thing: she invalidades my feelings a lot. I say I have problems with something, she tells me it is just an excuse or I should just be better. Hurtfull but kind of normal to me.
But she is also emotionally really insecure? Like as an Kid I didn't like her cooking and was picky.. not nice of me but I was 12 or so... And since then she is always like: I am a terrible cook, and everyone is so much better at it then me and is really insecure about it and plays herself down. Even I try to erase my mistake and lift her confidence.
She also just gets emidietly loud in confrontations and it is impossible to talk calm to her about a lot of things.
Or she gets really excited and acts like an kid/Talks a little bit like one. It is okey to be a little bit childish but It is definetly not something I see other adults around me do and at the beginning it irritated me a lot.
Or she is the complete opposite. Always emidietly trying to find solutions, analysing and thinking she is an complete expert.
There is just something a little bit cringe on hearing her and my father talk about someone and her beginning to talk like she exactly know what the person thinks and acting like she is really good in Psychologie and some shit like that, even she knows nothing about the person.
Like mam, you are a lot but not an expert on human behavior.
I think she also kind of sees me as a friend, not just her kid.. but I guess she has not much friends around her so I get it. Still not healthy.
But she is at least only half as problematic as my father.
And I don't know what I should feel about them..
Like they behavior is sometimes completly normal and then just not. Or maybe I see it too much out of the perspective of an hurt child. Maybe I just feel like that because I didn't get the love I wanted from them.
Or I don't know enough other people I can compare them too.
Probaly I also talk too much about them in my vents. But at the moment they just give me way too much reason to dislike them and I don't know if my feeling about them are even that valid.
But to be honest despite my personal issues with them and their parenting I think they are weird people.
Like my father is lately always smiling at me and trying to have smalltalk and being all nice, and does not understand why me (or my brother) avoid him.. but he is also just not a person I would want to be around even if he isn't my father.
A few months earlier he told me that I suck at my hobbie and his ideas (for an current busines idea) is much better and was just rude and arrogant because I didn't want to work for him and help him with his ideas.
What is just such a huge red flag. I was 16/17 at that time.. And I just told him that I want to concentrate on school and my own little hobbie projects. And he took it somehow personal?
Or one time when I was around 15, I was at home on the couch during a hot sommer only in a long T-shirt and he ask jokingly if I wear underwear under it.
Just.. ??? I think he even pulled the T-shirt up a little bit? Or looked under it.. something like that at least. And my mother sat directly beside me.. how do you come to the conclusion this is appropriate?
I don't remeber how my mother reacted or if he ever apoligized for it, but I did not want to be near him for the next two months or so. I just feelt really uncomfortable after that.
I don't even think he meant it sexual, but it is just such a weird thing to do.
I was for a long time not even sure if this really happened because it was so out of touch with what I had ever expirienced with my parents. Like I had to dream this, because no normal person would do that. Or at least not my father.. That's also the reason I don't tell that story other people. I don't want them to think my father is a weird pedo or something like that while I can't even remember this small incident correctly.
He also just don't give a fuck about my mother being unhappy because he cleans all the time. It is definetly some mental problem of him, but he still acts after years of it causing problems like we just don't get him and as he is completly in the right and don't need to change anything.
Or when I decided for my last two school years in what classes I want to specialize. He asked me what I choose and then were like: oh i thaugt you would choose math because you are good in it. And I was like: Is too much work and I don't find it that interisting. And he just stand their akwardly for 10 minutes trying to.. I don't even know what his goal was.. convince me math is better? Just repeating asking why not math? Like I told him, he pauses and just saying again.. but you are good in math.
Like the concept of me not taking math just didn't get in his head.
Or Only few months after my suicide attempt when I got my school certificate and I was like: It isn't as bad as I thought.. because I was fucking depressed and tried to kill myself that year.
And he just told me straight: You can't say this is good, these grades are terrible and you definetly need to do better.
And I didn't even fail the year.. like.. damn even my mother understood that this was insensitiv.
So yeah.. It is just this small interactions between him being this 'happy dad who just tries to connect' that makes me feel weird about him. everytime I have an actual conversation with him it gets akward.
And my mother...
I understand her more but she is sometimes also just...like a child.
The most obvious thing: she invalidades my feelings a lot. I say I have problems with something, she tells me it is just an excuse or I should just be better. Hurtfull but kind of normal to me.
But she is also emotionally really insecure? Like as an Kid I didn't like her cooking and was picky.. not nice of me but I was 12 or so... And since then she is always like: I am a terrible cook, and everyone is so much better at it then me and is really insecure about it and plays herself down. Even I try to erase my mistake and lift her confidence.
She also just gets emidietly loud in confrontations and it is impossible to talk calm to her about a lot of things.
Or she gets really excited and acts like an kid/Talks a little bit like one. It is okey to be a little bit childish but It is definetly not something I see other adults around me do and at the beginning it irritated me a lot.
Or she is the complete opposite. Always emidietly trying to find solutions, analysing and thinking she is an complete expert.
There is just something a little bit cringe on hearing her and my father talk about someone and her beginning to talk like she exactly know what the person thinks and acting like she is really good in Psychologie and some shit like that, even she knows nothing about the person.
Like mam, you are a lot but not an expert on human behavior.
I think she also kind of sees me as a friend, not just her kid.. but I guess she has not much friends around her so I get it. Still not healthy.
But she is at least only half as problematic as my father.
And I don't know what I should feel about them..
Like they behavior is sometimes completly normal and then just not. Or maybe I see it too much out of the perspective of an hurt child. Maybe I just feel like that because I didn't get the love I wanted from them.
Or I don't know enough other people I can compare them too.
Probaly I also talk too much about them in my vents. But at the moment they just give me way too much reason to dislike them and I don't know if my feeling about them are even that valid.
