Discussion Having method ready has kept me going

[CTB-London]

For over 2 years I have had my CTB method (that would probably work) ready. It is well researched and involves
various medications. Knowing that I have a way to end things if life becomes too intolerable has in a way kept me going. My main discussion point is whether others have done this.

I have made a few posts about having my quality of life wrecked by being gay. The misery it gives me has affected other parts of my life like messing up my career and compromising things like friendships and family relationships.

I had a previous aim to CTB at the start of this year then didn't. I came up with various excuses about organising my affairs (including significant assets) before ending it all. My delaying has led to me living the same miserable existence for longer and it gets worse with time. The process of organising my affairs is going well and latest plan is to CTB by the end of this year. This time I want to find no excuse to delay further. Having my method on standby has gone on too long.

 

[frees]

Having severe anxiety i have found it extremely helpful to have my means at hand. To have the possibilty keeps me going at times

 

[134340]

Having the means ready to use whenever I decide to greatly reduces my anxiety and eliminates many of the hesitations I once had about the whole ordeal. Once I started to narrow down my methods and finally decided on two main ones, I felt some peace. I don't have a particular date set either, but I'm thinking next January or February. Knowing brings me a level of calm I've never really felt in life.

I don't know if it's "normal" or common, but I definitely get it. Best of luck to you, I wish you all the peace.

 

[bluesky1972-2019]

I find having a method ready and also knowing of a second back up method is comforting. Knowing you can actually just Leave this place if things get too much.

 

[Tom9999]

Having it ready takes away my fear of suffering unwillingly. I have far less anxiety about where I'll end up. I'm much more able to enjoy the moment.

Having.a method ready has restored my ability to be happy in the moment - but does not bring purpose, meaning, love, or fulfillment in my life, and it is the lack of these that plagues me and renders life tasteless, uninteresting, unengaging, and, most of all, frustrating and disappointing due to the large amount of recovery work I've done.

 

[Mr2005]

Just goes to show assisted suicide could save lives. It's a huge weight lifted off to know you don't have to be here if you don't want to and that you aren't being pushed to breaking point to do something crazy

 

[Lennox]

I feel y'all. Having a method ready gives me some peace of mind.

 

[Tom9999]

It's a huge weight lifted off to know you don't have to be here if you don't want to

Yes. It's the ultimate freedom. It would indeed be a revolution if everyone started to embrace it and do just as they please with their life.

People would act in much more powerful and self-asserting ways, that's for sure.

 

[CTB-London]

Just goes to show assisted suicide could save lives. It's a huge weight lifted off to know you don't have to be here if you don't want to and that you aren't being pushed to breaking point to do something crazy

I agree with assisted suicide but i'm not sure that it saves lives. It makes suicide easier for those who lack the practical and/or mental wherewithal to come up with their own method (which this forum discusses is harder than many imagine). To me it gives some people peace of mind during their route to the end.

 

[ralphnol]

I wish I could say the same. Can somebody help with some ideias (other than hanging, this I got it)

 

[Lennox]

I wish I could say the same. Can somebody help with some ideias (other than hanging, this I got it)

I read that you live in Brazil like me. My preferred method is CO. But one of the easiest methods for us is probably SN. SN itself is easily available, no questions asked (it is used as meat conservative, in very low quantities, that's why it's so easy to buy). And virtually every antiemetic and antacid recommended to be taken before the SN is OTC here ("Over The Counter" - means you can buy them without a prescription).

Other than that I recommend you read the books The Peaceful Pill Handbook and Five Last Acts, which describe dozens of methods. You can find links to download them in the pinned thread "List Of Resources":

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/list-of-resources.3/

Also there's a recent thread with a pdf that reports the lethal doses for dozens of common pharmaceuticals:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/guide-to-lethal-pharmaceuticals.21844/

 

[ralphnol]

I read that you live in Brazil like me. My preferred method is CO. But one of the easiest methods for us is probably SN. SN itself is easily available, no questions asked (it is used as meat conservative, in very low quantities, that's why it's so easy to buy). And virtually every antiemetic and antacid recommended to be taken before the SN is OTC here ("Over The Counter" - means you can buy them without a prescription).

I didnt know that. But where can I get SN? supermarket? drugstores?
I have the PPH, thank you for the links!!

 

[Lennox]

I didnt know that. But where can I get SN? supermarket? drugstores?
I have the PPH, thank you for the links!!

Just type "nitrito de sódio", choose the 99% purity options. Other than that there's the chemical suppliers, which are businesses specialized in selling chemicals, they will sell you the cheapest, the closest from my home sells 1kg 99% purity for R$15,00.

 

[ralphnol]

Just type "nitrito de sódio", choose the 99% purity options. Other than that there's the chemical suppliers, which are businesses specialized in selling chemicals, they will sell you the cheapest, the closest from my home sells 1kg 99% purity for R$15,00.

Alright ! Thanks man! I went there and saw it. It is kinda easy.

 

[Nutcase]

I'd like to have my method ready just for that extra peace of mind, but every time I start looking into different methods I just can't be bothered, all of them require some degree of research and effort, thought maybe I'd go with SN as it's legal but apparently the antiemetics or something aren't OTC so it's not as easy as I thought, looked into hanging but so much research and testing has to be put in that just buying some rope really won't make me feel like I have a method ready at all, so I'm just thinking fuck it, when I have a date set and have an immediate desire to CTB whenever that time comes that's when I'll have the energy to get it done.

 

[justanotherday]

Having severe anxiety i have found it extremely helpful to have my means at hand. To have the possibilty keeps me going at times

Yes, I feel better knowing there is an end in sight.

 

[eve2004]

Yes knowing it can be done anytime is going to help me. My papers are in order, paid all bills for the next 12 months, and credit card cleared and even added extra $ in case... I am just having trouble getting the supplies.

The one thing that bothered me about your post is about how being gay is affecting your quality of life. I don't know where you live or your social circle and family circumstances, but it bothers me that 1) being gay is affecting your life significantly and 2) enough so that you feel the need to CTB.

I'm not an expert on the subject, I wish you could snap your fingers and have different friends or family or live somewhere else where you could be free and careless in that respect but I know we can't do that. Does anyone else have any suggestions for the OP about this? Is this the main reason for your desire to CTB? I am not a pro-lifer, I am absolutely going to CTB on my own terms.

But you know, i really wish there was a way you could resolve this so you wouldn't need to CTB... I feel for you