Venting having hope was useless

[byebyered]

Sooo I had false hope. I haven't been on this website in exactly a year ago around this time. Around this time something happened that made me think… "wait maybe I shouldn't kill myself" I had PURE SN and everythinggg!! READY TO GOOOO! But nope decided to give life another try. I might get into details on another post. But once again, I'm back here again. It's hard to find SN now and I threw mine away. I had backup bottles for "just in case" and threw them away. I'm so stupid.

Now it's even harder to find , I got lucky before!! Wtfff!! There's no other method that I can see myself actually going through with. I would panic halfway through hanging, hesitate and probably end up paralyzed or ugly for life shooting myself in the end, drowning sounds painful….do people still OD these days? How hard would it be to find fentanyl? What do people normally OD on other than fent? Is OD usually painful?

That might be my only option. I only have $60 to my name, I'm so fucking done. I actually made friends this year but they're all doing better than me lmao I can't help but be envious asf. Being on the phone with people who talk about all the "blessings" and good things they have going on, I'm happy for them but fuckkkkkk. After I get off the phone I just cry.

Why am I constantly surrounded by others who rub their accomplishments in my face. I never have anything good to share. I feel like everyone around me lowkey pity's me like…awww byebyered never has anything going for herself so sad…I fucking try man. I feel like such a pathetic loser. Social media doesn't make it anyyyyy fucking better. People really be doing shit out here and all I do is lay in the bed. it's so dehumanizing. Why won't my stupid brain work normally

 

[FuneralCry]

I find it cruel and horrible how suicide is purposely made so difficult even know there is so much suffering in this world, I really wish there's a straightforward way to just leave, it would be relieving to have that option. But anyway best wishes.

 

[searchingforpeace]

why did you throw it away?

 

[NoOneLovesMiMi]

Sooo I had false hope. I haven't been on this website in exactly a year ago around this time. Around this time something happened that made me think… "wait maybe I shouldn't kill myself" I had PURE SN and everythinggg!! READY TO GOOOO! But nope decided to give life another try. I might get into details on another post. But once again, I'm back here again. It's hard to find SN now and I threw mine away. I had backup bottles for "just in case" and threw them away. I'm so stupid.

Now it's even harder to find , I got lucky before!! Wtfff!! There's no other method that I can see myself actually going through with. I would panic halfway through hanging, hesitate and probably end up paralyzed or ugly for life shooting myself in the end, drowning sounds painful….do people still OD these days? How hard would it be to find fentanyl? What do people normally OD on other than fent? Is OD usually painful?

That might be my only option. I only have $60 to my name, I'm so fucking done. I actually made friends this year but they're all doing better than me lmao I can't help but be envious asf. Being on the phone with people who talk about all the "blessings" and good things they have going on, I'm happy for them but fuckkkkkk. After I get off the phone I just cry.

Why am I constantly surrounded by others who rub their accomplishments in my face. I never have anything good to share. I feel like everyone around me lowkey pity's me like…awww byebyered never has anything going for herself so sad…I fucking try man. I feel like such a pathetic loser. Social media doesn't make it anyyyyy fucking better. People really be doing shit out here and all I do is lay in the bed. it's so dehumanizing. Why won't my stupid brain work normally

I'm so sorry
I know what it feels like to feel stupid
I was mad at myself for not trying over the Pandemic
Give myself a chance
Certain things got better
But also worse
I also feel stupid
But I now have lost everything and will be trying again soon
My method terrifies me but it's my only hope
I wish you well and hope eventually you'll get what you need

 

[f1f7y8yoL053r]

Yeah I know how you feel, having false hope. It's kept me alive for 30 years after I first wanted out of this life. I feel stupid too. I just got scammed online. More false hope. So if it helps to know, you're not alone.