I wasn't diagnosed but I have multiple personalities and might be able to explain.
We have 3 brains. Emotional, rational, primal. Everyone has both gender hormones, but as a female I have more estrogen so it stimulates my emotional brain as dominant.
But I have hypoglycemia, anemia... So sometimes I don't have enough fuel & oxygen for all the brain. Parts must be sacrificed to sleep. If I get an emotional trauma that part if the brain must be frozen to prevent overstimulation seizures...
So another part of the brain takes over... So often they have their own personality and we talk together. (Which explains those who hear voices)
My rational brain is a wise introvert. He has no emotions, that's all me. My function is to perceive my senses to give him data to calmly analyze in the sub conscious. Well, data fucking hurts!!!
I envy men who don't have emotion as a main function, and anyone without a hypersensitive nervous system... That's why I have a high IQ. I feel more. But it's overwhelming, I need more nutrition to function (b and c) burn out faster, need more emotional support. But I'm seen as weak, get less, even bullied. My brain is build to run sprints of geniuses then rest a long time. Society demand marathons. Now demand nonstop sprints. Geniuses can't bear this... We have firework sparks... Can't have that nontop. If we try (and we do) we burn into a depressed agony.
So my rational brain told me he's only intelligent thanks to me providing so much data... That he can't take over... He has to much data to alalyze to handle outside stuff.
The 3rd one is the primal brain. He's even deeper in the subconscious. He doesn't have 1 eye. So imagination or real dangers are all the same for him. He'll trigger an adrenalin rush to give super strength to flee or fight. Anxiety is a super power. Chronic anxiety isn't a mental illness but a shitty society.
His job is to do repetitive tasks like breathing, heart beat, walking. If he has to take over because the other 2 are too tired... We can end up in loops like OCD. It can be extremely violent because his job is to kill and eat. It can'y think rationally or recognized lived ones. Like a zombie. Drunk & drugged people can be dangerous for that reason. If the drive to reproduce gets triggeted in that state, I pity anyone around...
He's the autopilot to keep us alive. He can't permanently take over because he's too busy coordonating vital functions... And without the wisdom of the rational brain, and the empathy of the emotional brain, it'd be worse than a rabid dog psychopath. Unable to socialize & solve problems.
I think society is a cruel machine because men without empathy only concerned about statistics decided how society functions. They give no value to emotions, which are alarms, guides for a better world. Those psychopaths craving dominance even see emotions as a disease.
I wish the people with a heart ganged together to remove them from power and made a world of empathy based on solidarity, understanding, and self care.
So this is why your emotional brain leads... So you won't be an ignorant piece of shit bully. Your primal brain's job is to protect you. It's annoying but comforting to have 1 ally who'll never abandon you.
I feel sad to have to murder my other selves...
If I turn off all my bad memories, and trust... I unlock my inner child. A beautiful cheerful loving hope... That got abused and crushed.
People want everything but don't have the energy, so they abuse others... People who get abused often abuse to feel their power back. It's easier than polish a skill or try to understand.
People gate to feel empathy because they feel your pain as their own. So they blame the victim. Not feeling for them, and not guilty about abandonning someone in need because "they deserve it".
Doctors tell us it's all in our head because they don't have the knowledge & time to figure it out. Easier to give a pill to shut you up than help you figure out your needs... Or change a toxic food supply and abusive work standards.
We invented machines to work less. But instead we are expected to work faster than machines.
So we burn out...
We want to live... But we're trapped starving in exhaustion. Everyone hate it, even the rich... But we greed for more wrong things... Mocking as crap the thing we need most.
Love... Safety... Nutrition...
All together we could change the world... Kinder to ourselves & each other...
I don't understand why the people paid to help me just won't do their damn job. Cops call me a liar who deserve it, landlord refuse to send the repair man with the right skill... Social services have no compassion...
To feel control & safety they make us fill forms, class us in cathegories with psychiatric labels...
But they don't know how to help. Blindly doing the wrongs invented by a jerk hundreds of years ago in a barbaric time. Electricity got invented & seemed cool so they gave electrochocs. When it seemed too barbaric to lobotomize with an ice pick, they achieved the same result with "modern medicine"
They want control to reassure themselves, understanding is hard, the unknown is scary.
So we get abused, and they self rightously claim it's for our own good. Unable to see further than their own satisfaction, because they have no empathy, and think arrogantly that they know better than our own body, mind, emotions.
Seeing us as a defective machine, not a crying hungry child...
Women could bring empathy... But men want to dominate alone. God, a man, created everything alone... Even though only women give birth... He birthed the whole universe.
The artogance of men to refuse to see the skills in others... Just because it's different than their own. They compete, fear to be replaced... But we're supposed to share different specialties, it's the whole point of making a society.
But people mock the different. A true leader would wonder what their skill is. Instead to look at what they can't do, they'd try to discover the unique skill they gained in exchange for lacking in other areas...
But we're just cogs in a too fast machine. We're overpopulated, overworked... Even families don't have time to discover, train and blossom their own kids. Putting them overcrowded in a cube. Do that with animals and they'll kill each other. So the bully push people to suicide...
While pro life ban abortions and euthanasia... Creating unlivable overcrowded conditions...
And I destroyed my life with a mistake, unable to find a specialist, or denied... Or it's too late...
I want to live but I can't. My primal brain has no eyes, no reason, no emotions... Just 1 job... Keep me alive.
IT's pure life drive... With an immence power. I wish I could channel it to solve my problems... Did but this time it's too much. I had to fight people pushing me down... I want death... I can't fight the entire world alone. Even my primal brain is tired fighting against being constantly poisonned... I have lost the will to live, eat, try... Just waiting for death... To find the resolve to die...
Understanding... Was my skill. Like a computer. I could have improved this world. Opened new door of possibilities...
People hated me for it
If people were given the absolute cure, but to belueve it they had to see that they & the world was wrong & to change... They'd refuse & let themselves die stubbornly going in the same direction, trusting harmful abusers... Medicine is death. Nature & nutrition is life... We need to consume life not chemicals.
Try saying that to an anorexic junkie... That his coping mechanism is the very thing causing his suffering. Try saying to someone who take antidepressants or antipsychotics for vouces that they must lusten to their inner voice, to understand their sadness, what they need, and reach for it.
I did. I reached... I was brurally beaten down... Asking for help... Told to shut up and endure agony... They convinced me... To let myself die.
Then they wonder why I'm suicidal.
I understand this world. I pity it. And loathe it to death.