pretzelsandballoons
dopamine ridden bastard <33.
- Jul 11, 2023
- 124
don't mind me (just need to be dramatic first then idk)
welcome to another episode of: harper feeling weally bad abt herswelf :(!
just having another mental breakdown don't mind me B-)
what a shit time to have a mental breakdown, i've got shit to do
it's almost like not letting yourself feel your feelings will have consequences later on! gasp!
christ.
uwahhhh someone,
help me! help me! save me! save me!
booooooo.
SURE none of this matters
i'll deal.
looks like I'm just gna do whatever the fuck! i want until death comes :D
a part of me is crying out, questions "don't i deserve peace….??"
maybe. but im not putting in the work
im going around in circles
so much (things) happening (in general)
i could've died but nooo let's just give this one more go (-D.)b~*
let's just be a fraud! then kill ourselves. let's give ourself one more chance to finish my studies so i can a better ish future
better than staying home, working at a fast food place and drinking almost everyday!
it's better this way
why can't you take it?
why can you do this?
better than doing nothing
i wanted to see if i can hang myself on the curtain rod but nope
and i realised i have nothing to hang myself with
what if i throw myself of this 3 story building
and traumatise everyone!
great job harper.
you're doing so great self sabotaging and overthinking
you're doing great sweetie. doing really great at doing whatever the fuck! you want, almost like anyone can do it
idiot
stupid worthless idiot
absolute moron
are you having fun, feeling so out of touch with yourself?
looking down at your hands and asking yourself "what do i do with these hands (my hands)?"
well done for being another asshole
well done for not believing that peace will be good for others and yourself
well done.
great job
you're doing so well
so fkn well
why don't you just mastbate some more then feel more shame while you're at it
im sure our ocd would just looove that
let's just keep not feeling like ourselves and make things worse
right?
why don't you just make everything worse and do something unforgivable
always fucking yapping jesus h christ
i gave us another chance to end our miserable existence
we put so much effort in trying to kill ourselves, didn't we?
i gave us another chance when you told us it would be risky to jump off the at bridge at that time
that time was over for that
no one was there
no one could've stopped us
we wouldn't have been saved
it felt like the world was telling me to kill myself
now im here, feeling like a shell or something
still trying (fuck off, as if you were ever trying, suck my dick) to process eeeverrything
what were we talking about again?
how you feel oh so~ bad about yourself again, that you can't do this?
im exhausted and it feels like im making it everyone's problem
it really feels like i should just learn how to drive and drive to a mountain and just. jump off.
so what if you don't feel like yourself and you feel ashamed and embarrassed and always nervous and always making silly mistake and beating yourself up for every single fucking thing you've done
nothing new.
can't you at least get used to it?
why do you want to be something great anyway
uh oh
i think im really considering jumping off this building
dont
i wont
im sure the survival instincts will kick in like they did before
.
live an asshole, die an asshole
traumatise people with your wrecked filthy and disgusting body
i was thinking of stabbing myself today
i self harmed thinking it would get me back on track but nooo,
i just looooveee doing whatever the fuck! i want = trying my best for a little bit then giving up completely, running away from everything
seal your fate.
miss tutoring today. feel bad you can't attend the whole 4 days this week because you only attended 3 days last week.
it's your last chance proving yourself you can do something, that you got this in the bag
but seal it. and self sabotage more
obsess with ruining everything, keep having a marvellous time ruining everything
let your aunt talk to your mom on the phone and them wondering why you didn't attend tutoring they and let them speculate and judge
and let yourself hear them talk about it
let the badness fester inside you and hate yourself even more
sleep some more
don't fully shower, just wash your hair and make yourself look presentable
it doesn't feel good to not have a full shower does it? good.
that's great
because all you want to do is feel really bad about yourself right?
ruin this last chance to feel like yourself and to shut up and do the things you need to do even if you don't feel like it
you'll have a great time at school
feeling nervous all the time and blurting out the wrong shit
feeling so stressed and feeling like it is all your fault (because it is)
you'll be great x
okay im doing being dramatic now
i just realised i need to be dramatic first then idk try my best for a little bit again
im thinking this is just me regretting not taking charge of my own life
a part of me still believes there are practical things i can do to ward off this unnecessary stress ive put myself under
i remember i told myself that life is just a swirling bucket of bullshit and i "really" can still start over (again and again)
like of course you feel bad for how things turned out, maybe they weren't your fault
circumstances have led me to this
so shut up and take charge, make that 'peace' you so desperately want
perhaps something that's holding me back is this loneliness being so unbearable
and to add on, this daydream/fantasy i have of wanting a relationship like amy and danny from BEEF
for someone to see my ugly (and disgusting) parts and care for me
be gentle and truly care for me despite despite despite despite
i can feel myself getting tired of trying to express my feelings, i think im jumbling up my phrases now
where was i
oh yes, and that fantasy i so desperately crave, perhaps im coping with imagining that im two people in one body
as in, a clone of myself
and then i feel silly (stupid.) for coping like that when it helps i suppose
idk
and there's this other thing
about wanting be perfect or die
be perfect or die
make everything make sense or die
do this or die
die die die
stop slacking off.
asshole
cunt
idiot
moron
stupid bitch
crazy bitch
trash body
too emotional
whoopsie, got carried away there
okay im gna go bingewatch BEEF again to distract myself that im avoiding my responsibilities and from my shame
welcome to another episode of: harper feeling weally bad abt herswelf :(!
just having another mental breakdown don't mind me B-)
what a shit time to have a mental breakdown, i've got shit to do
it's almost like not letting yourself feel your feelings will have consequences later on! gasp!
christ.
uwahhhh someone,
help me! help me! save me! save me!
booooooo.
SURE none of this matters
i'll deal.
looks like I'm just gna do whatever the fuck! i want until death comes :D
a part of me is crying out, questions "don't i deserve peace….??"
maybe. but im not putting in the work
im going around in circles
so much (things) happening (in general)
i could've died but nooo let's just give this one more go (-D.)b~*
let's just be a fraud! then kill ourselves. let's give ourself one more chance to finish my studies so i can a better ish future
better than staying home, working at a fast food place and drinking almost everyday!
it's better this way
why can't you take it?
why can you do this?
better than doing nothing
i wanted to see if i can hang myself on the curtain rod but nope
and i realised i have nothing to hang myself with
what if i throw myself of this 3 story building
and traumatise everyone!
great job harper.
you're doing so great self sabotaging and overthinking
you're doing great sweetie. doing really great at doing whatever the fuck! you want, almost like anyone can do it
idiot
stupid worthless idiot
absolute moron
are you having fun, feeling so out of touch with yourself?
looking down at your hands and asking yourself "what do i do with these hands (my hands)?"
well done for being another asshole
well done for not believing that peace will be good for others and yourself
well done.
great job
you're doing so well
so fkn well
why don't you just mastbate some more then feel more shame while you're at it
im sure our ocd would just looove that
let's just keep not feeling like ourselves and make things worse
right?
why don't you just make everything worse and do something unforgivable
always fucking yapping jesus h christ
i gave us another chance to end our miserable existence
we put so much effort in trying to kill ourselves, didn't we?
i gave us another chance when you told us it would be risky to jump off the at bridge at that time
that time was over for that
no one was there
no one could've stopped us
we wouldn't have been saved
it felt like the world was telling me to kill myself
now im here, feeling like a shell or something
still trying (fuck off, as if you were ever trying, suck my dick) to process eeeverrything
what were we talking about again?
how you feel oh so~ bad about yourself again, that you can't do this?
im exhausted and it feels like im making it everyone's problem
it really feels like i should just learn how to drive and drive to a mountain and just. jump off.
so what if you don't feel like yourself and you feel ashamed and embarrassed and always nervous and always making silly mistake and beating yourself up for every single fucking thing you've done
nothing new.
can't you at least get used to it?
why do you want to be something great anyway
uh oh
i think im really considering jumping off this building
dont
i wont
im sure the survival instincts will kick in like they did before
.live an asshole, die an asshole
traumatise people with your wrecked filthy and disgusting body
i was thinking of stabbing myself today
i self harmed thinking it would get me back on track but nooo,
i just looooveee doing whatever the fuck! i want = trying my best for a little bit then giving up completely, running away from everything
seal your fate.
miss tutoring today. feel bad you can't attend the whole 4 days this week because you only attended 3 days last week.
it's your last chance proving yourself you can do something, that you got this in the bag
but seal it. and self sabotage more
obsess with ruining everything, keep having a marvellous time ruining everything
let your aunt talk to your mom on the phone and them wondering why you didn't attend tutoring they and let them speculate and judge
and let yourself hear them talk about it
let the badness fester inside you and hate yourself even more
sleep some more
don't fully shower, just wash your hair and make yourself look presentable
it doesn't feel good to not have a full shower does it? good.
that's great
because all you want to do is feel really bad about yourself right?
ruin this last chance to feel like yourself and to shut up and do the things you need to do even if you don't feel like it
you'll have a great time at school
feeling nervous all the time and blurting out the wrong shit
feeling so stressed and feeling like it is all your fault (because it is)
you'll be great x
okay im doing being dramatic now
i just realised i need to be dramatic first then idk try my best for a little bit again
im thinking this is just me regretting not taking charge of my own life
a part of me still believes there are practical things i can do to ward off this unnecessary stress ive put myself under
i remember i told myself that life is just a swirling bucket of bullshit and i "really" can still start over (again and again)
like of course you feel bad for how things turned out, maybe they weren't your fault
circumstances have led me to this
so shut up and take charge, make that 'peace' you so desperately want
perhaps something that's holding me back is this loneliness being so unbearable
and to add on, this daydream/fantasy i have of wanting a relationship like amy and danny from BEEF
for someone to see my ugly (and disgusting) parts and care for me
be gentle and truly care for me despite despite despite despite
i can feel myself getting tired of trying to express my feelings, i think im jumbling up my phrases now
where was i
oh yes, and that fantasy i so desperately crave, perhaps im coping with imagining that im two people in one body
as in, a clone of myself
and then i feel silly (stupid.) for coping like that when it helps i suppose
idk
and there's this other thing
about wanting be perfect or die
be perfect or die
make everything make sense or die
do this or die
die die die
stop slacking off.
asshole
cunt
idiot
moron
stupid bitch
crazy bitch
trash body
too emotional
whoopsie, got carried away there
okay im gna go bingewatch BEEF again to distract myself that im avoiding my responsibilities and from my shame
