Having a fear of driving has made me devastatingly self-conscious.

[Seiko]

Having a fear of driving is the worst. Everyone expects you to drive. Grandmothers do it. High schoolers do it. Even children in rural areas can get behind the wheel and drive adequately. I can't.

I also have pretty severe arachnophobia, and I'd rather let a tarantula crawl into my mouth than be merging onto a busy freeway by myself. Anytime I get behind the wheel my heart rate spikes, I have to remind myself to breathe, and I tunnel vision whatever is in front of me. I cannot fathom the thought of driving to another state alone.

It's humiliating—and it fires up a special sort of insecurity. So many of my classmates can casually drive to campus while I need my mom to drive me to my dentist appointments. Knowing that someone significantly younger than me can take off in their car while I, 19, still need to be driven around. Knowing that I have dreams for the future but I can't even make it out of my driveway to go to Costco. Knowing that the local soccer mom can confidently drive at freeway speeds in their humongous full-sized SUV while I can't even park properly.

I'm not even scared of being in a fatal accident or totaling my car. I'm afraid of pissing someone off and being honked at or someone flashing their lights at me. I'm afraid of being included in a dashcam fails video. And my number one greatest fear is being at a complicated intersection with conflicting signs and not knowing what to do.

And I attribute most of my fear to seeing how my parents drive. My father drives like an absolute maniac and expects me to reciprocate his disregard for human life when I drive. My mother drives at a turtle's pace and is physically incapable of merging onto a freeway. I have two sides of the coin and no good role model to teach me.

Speaking of my mother having to drive me to dentist appointments, I have one coming up later today. I'm going to ask to drive; we'll see how that goes.

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

I am fairly comfortable driving around my local area, but I take the bus when going to campus, since I'm not comfortable driving in the city.

And I attribute most of my fear to seeing how my parents drive

I can feel you there, your parents somewhat remind me of mine when it comes to driving.

 

[Jaded Pear]

This is very relatable for me as well. I was on my L plates for about 5 years, watching younger relatives/family friends drive without issues, so I kind of know how you might feel.

If you can, get an actual driving instructor. I know they can be expensive, but a good driving instructor is worth it. I didn't drive for a couple a years at one point and when I started again I got a few sessions with a driving instructor. They should help you fix any issues you have, and having a professional with their own set of pedals helps take a lot of stress out of practicing. Best of all, at least in my case, when they told me I was good to drive on your own it helped a lot with getting rid of my insecurities and making me feel more capable on the road. I do still avoid cities and freeways as much as possible however.

Also driving instructors generally have an actual reliable method to teach how to parallel park and are good at it, unlike everyone else I know, who gives the worst advice imaginable. Sadly almost everyone thinks they are good driving. For you though, knowing that your parents don't drive well/safely will probably make you a better driver in the long run.

Good luck with your driving, I hope everything goes well.

 

[DisillusionedDragon]

Driving really is quite scary and overwhelming and many people get very aggressive rather quickly, so I can assure you, you are not the only one with these issues.

I'd suggest trying to let go of the expectations, working on your self-consciousness and feelings of shame and your fear of embarrassment, aka social anxiety. If you can afford it try to find a good instructor, maybe even someone who specializes in people with a fear of driving, because, like I mentioned, there are many others like you out there..

If you find it difficult to work on your social anxiety on your own, you could also consider looking for a therapist.

But overall, I think this is a solvable problem, don't worry too much about it, you'll get there. Be patient with yourself.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I loath driving.

 

[Bleak]

I feel the same way. It sucks because where I live is basically all designed around cars. Not even shoulders on the road for pedestrians or bicycles. Public transportation sucks here too.

 

[Grey-zoner]

I didn't get my license until 30. I'm 31 now, and still don't have a car, although I want to get one, for going on a roadtrip and job opportunities. I don't blame you for not feeling comfortable on the road.

 

[xLosthopex]

I've always had a major fear of driving, have no issue being driven by other people but I have OCD and when I'm driving I have a constant fear that I'm going to accidentally kill someone and go to prison and get really bad intrusive thoughts and visions of it happening
I was pressured into learning to drive by my parents and grandparents and my grandparents even bought me a car for my 21st birthday but I could not bring myself to keep up with my lessons and ended up selling the car in the end, which I felt so much guilt and shame for. No one would take my anxiety around this seriously, like it was actually debilitating
But I had a seizure a few months ago so at least now I have a 'legitimate' reason(by society's standards anyway) to not drive haha(where I live it's illegal to drive if you get seizures)

 

[maakies]

I hate driving. I'm in a driving city. People hire me to drive. Sometimes trucks. I get in minor fender benders all the time from exhaustion. Nodding off at the wheel. Constantly driving. I hate it so much.

 

[Sherri]

When I first drove a car with the insteuctor I was shaking, he was very rude like I was in the army, one day, I left the car with him inside, walked off to a bus station went back to the car school and said, find me someone calm that doesn't shout at me. They did. When I passed I was so happy, I love driving specially at night, it's a sense of freedom to me, the longest drive I've made was a 12 hour trip to spain And back with waze app on. Straight on all the way, not a single miss turn. Love waze. Give it a try , at the driving school they say people with no experience driving turn out to be the best drivers in the long run.

When I first drove a car with the insteuctor I was shaking, he was very rude like I was in the army, one day, I left the car with him inside, walked off to a bus station went back to the car school and said, find me someone calm that doesn't shout at me. They did. When I passed I was so happy, I love driving specially at night, it's a sense of freedom to me, the longest drive I've made was a 12 hour trip to spain And back with waze app on. Straight on all the way, not a single miss turn. Love waze. Give it a try , at the driving school they say people with no experience driving turn out to be the best drivers in the long run.

Oh and try and get an automatic car if you do drive. It's the best and takes 50% of your stress away.