Have you noticed your skin thinning as you became more suicidal?

[maleontraen]

I wouldn't hesitate much in boasting myself a VERY thick-skinned person before I started indulging in suicidal thoughts. I could take insults as lightly as I did compliments and rebut accordingly. I even found my opponents in arguments (a dialed-down term for what I'm referring to) to be laughable and moronic when they spoke against me on unfounded grounds.
But ever since I started thinking about killing myself, a practice whose cause I'd like to keep undisclosed at present, so many of the things that did not bother me in the past began to seep below my skin. I feel terrible when someone insults me or subjects me to any criticism.
So many things just make me internally react. I almost never overthought about anything now even the most basic heated exchanges send me down a spiral of agony and overthinking.
I just want to sit down and sink my head between my thighs until all the bad feeling, the chief of which is wanting to end my life then and there, pass.
ANyone else feel like this? :'V

 

[GoodForNothing]

I understand what you are saying. Its kind of like you're looking for a reason to push yourself over the edge or to use the self-hatred feeling to tear yourself apart, or is that just me.

 

[maleontraen]

I understand what you are saying. Its kind of like you're looking for a reason to push yourself over the edge or to use the self-hatred feeling to tear yourself apart, or is that just me.

Just you, I'm afraid. I'm not looking at all to push myself over the edge, I'm actually trying very hard to keep myself within the edge

 

[GoodForNothing]

Just you, I'm afraid. I'm not looking at all to push myself over the edge, I'm actually trying very hard to keep myself within the edge

It's good that you are still trying. I mean I guess we are kind of similar in that way.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

I wouldn't hesitate much in boasting myself a VERY thick-skinned person before I started indulging in suicidal thoughts. I could take insults as lightly as I did compliments and rebut accordingly. I even found my opponents in arguments (a dialed-down term for what I'm referring to) to be laughable and moronic when they spoke against me on unfounded grounds.
But ever since I started thinking about killing myself, a practice whose cause I'd like to keep undisclosed at present, so many of the things that did not bother me in the past began to seep below my skin. I feel terrible when someone insults me or subjects me to any criticism.
So many things just make me internally react. I almost never overthought about anything now even the most basic heated exchanges send me down a spiral of agony and overthinking.
I just want to sit down and sink my head between my thighs until all the bad feeling, the chief of which is wanting to end my life then and there, pass.
ANyone else feel like this? :'V

Yes, but only in a certain month of the year
The rest I'm just a depressed ass hole
But that one month I'm a hyper sensitive little bitch about everything and it's hard.

 

[maleontraen]

It's good that you are still trying. I mean I guess we are kind of similar in that way.

I'm definitely trying, but I can feel my energy deplete and my spirit diminish every day. But I'm trying

 

[Pulpit2018]

Hm.I think i do not have become more sensitive,no.
Unless perhaps for issues of euthanasia and other pro-life struggles.
I think i care about many things less these days,which makes me way more cynical.
Sure,a lot of things bother me still,but in the end i say that i wont be here to deal with it.So its up to the people staying behind.

 

[felix]

I have the same feelings. They're pushing me towards ctb everyday

 

[CornerE]

I was thick skinned about 15 years ago - too young to be overwhelmed with too many troubles .

But I know for sure that it's too much pressure that break us apart and push us over the edge .

Once you've reached that point , there is no turning back .
The cool cold teenager I once was is now very easy to irritate grown up .
As a little kid , yes , I was too sensitive but still cold and quiet .
With too much stress all at once you can't help it but snap out for the slightest touch .

 

[Cookiedough8956]

Yes, but only in a certain month of the year
The rest I'm just a depressed ass hole
But that one month I'm a hyper sensitive little bitch about everything and it's hard.

you're not a bitch : (you're great
I do feel a little more sensitive, but at the same time, its like fine..let it get to me. I'm gonna go anyway

 

[TiredHorse]

So many things just make me internally react. I almost never overthought about anything now even the most basic heated exchanges send me down a spiral of agony and overthinking.

I believe that yes, I may have experienced something like the hyper-awareness you describe. As it pertains to clinical depression/anxiety, I once heard it described as, "I feel nothing, and I feel everything too much." I'm not at all thick skinned, never have been, never been much good at quick repartee if there has been the slightest bit of aggression involved, but even moderately difficult interactions or uncomfortable thoughts that I know in the past would have just rolled off my back, now stick and burn. I want to --quite literally!-- go and hide somewhere and curl up into a ball.

Like you, I'm trying to stop my slide toward the edge of the cliff. It isn't working very well, and I'm no longer so optimistic as I was a couple months ago, but I can't stop fighting yet. I hope you find a way to hang on.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

you're not a bitch : (you're great
I do feel a little more sensitive, but at the same time, its like fine..let it get to me. I'm gonna go anyway

It's very... Uncharacteristic for me.
Ask anybody that knows me. I'm a harsh personality. I'm vulgar and blunt. But that one month I hide away and cry. I will have a mental breakdown on the slightest of things
Thank you though love <3
You're dope as fuck

 

[Cookiedough8956]

It's very... Uncharacteristic for me.
Ask anybody that knows me. I'm a harsh personality. I'm vulgar and blunt. But that one month I hide away and cry. I will have a mental breakdown on the slightest of things
Thank you though love <3
You're dope as fuck

That's sounds so dificult to go thru...im sorry
:) thnx a lot!

 

[DepressionsAHo]

I believe that yes, I may have experienced something like the hyper-awareness you describe. As it pertains to clinical depression/anxiety, I once heard it described as, "I feel nothing, and I feel everything too much." I'm not at all thick skinned, never have been, never been much good at quick repartee if there has been the slightest bit of aggression involved, but even moderately difficult interactions or uncomfortable thoughts that I know in the past would have just rolled off my back, now stick and burn. I want to --quite literally!-- go and hide somewhere and curl up into a ball.

Like you, I'm trying to stop my slide toward the edge of the cliff. It isn't working very well, and I'm no longer so optimistic as I was a couple months ago, but I can't stop fighting yet. I hope you find a way to hang on.

Tired horse you may not see this but I must say.
I have been here since August of last year. I have never spoken to you but, throughout my time here, I've seen multiple people come and go. You alone have made the single greatest impact on me of the hundreds of users that have passed through this forum You're amazingly kind, caresmatic (I spelled that wrong) and brilliant. I do truly believe, although I don't know you, that this world would be a darker place without you in it. When I wanted to join, you had went into recovery which, selfishly I admit, made me grin like nothing had ever before. I was ecstatic. I truly hope that your recovery only goes up from here and that this is none but a rough patch. If you do choose to leave I will always respect that as well but I must get this off my chest. You're a truly outstanding person mate.

That's sounds so dificult to go thru...im sorry
:) thnx a lot!

Of course mate, thank you for talking to me. It helps a ton, more then you might realize

 

[ImsooDone1N]

I liked what tired horse said. "I feel nothing & everything too much" I definitely feel like I used to be a stronger & more resilient person. Now I just feel weak, hopeless & lost as a person.

 

[ZixivaldYrxes]

Doesn't correlate a lot with my suicidality, but I've recently become a lot more thin-skinned. I think I was more self-assured before. i had my ideas about life, I had a philosophy, I knew who I was and I knew when someone was wrong or right about me. Someone says something, and they're right? It hurts, and I might get defensive, but I'd look at myself and acknowledge it. They're wrong, it's just noise. I think I got tired of having to deal with certain kinds of interactions after having dealt with them before. Like, from my perspective, this matter is resolved, why can't you catch up? But I don't know, little chinks began to show up here and there. Maybe they are right about this. Maybe they are right about that. Maybe they're right about everything. Even if I've already worked out why they're not, they won't stop, ever, and the sheer repetition drills it into my mind. I just got tired of all of the pressures that come with being and so have retreated into this kind of haze that's in actuality not any more comfortable, but at least it's effortless. And I'm honestly pretty disgusted with how much I care about peoples' opinions and perceptions of me, when before I never did, because at least then I understood myself and my motivations better than anyone else who could judge me, and I always had my faith in myself to back me up even when I was alone. I can't believe how weak I am now, it actually angers me.

I think it's a part of growing up. The result of a war of attrition in a social acid bath. And I'm thinking to myself, "can't you see that I'm already in pain? how gratuitous this is?", but most of the time, I don't really think they can. You're a momentary object with no history, you're judged in and for that instant alone as if it was your whole life, as if it was the first time you've ever been judged by anyone (like it's some kind of novelty, but for you it's your reality!), and then they move on. For the judger, it's a blip, but for the judgee, all of those little blips add up fast. And I'm absolutely sure that I'm as guilty of this as anyone else. The way it lines up is ridiculous, it makes it seem like there's a narrative but really all it is is a bunch of blind people making the same guesses over and over again.

I don't know if that's something you can relate to or not.

 

[Azagorod]

For me, depression made me feel detached and far away from other people so I tend to "lag" for my reaction. So, no matter what happens to me I will breeze through it while it's happening and be able to maintain my social mask. And then, it will haunt me for the month to come. I feel everything twice as hard but with a 4h lag time so I can't react instantly and then it's too late so I'm just stuck unable to explain why I'm feeling low even though nothing happened in the last 6h/day/week..

 

[BandAddict]

In my case, I really think that I was thin-skinned at a very young age. Insults tore into me and became facts in my mind that I couldn't seem to shake off. Living with my grandmother for a few years really showed me that I wasn't capable of letting things slide off my back; instead I let it fester and destroy my self-worth. Now, what did worsen over time was my ability to function under stressful situations and things that trigger my PTSD.

 

[Suicidal4Ever]

I think i've allways had thin skin. It's one of the things i hate most about me. The smallest joke or insult is like a stab in the heart to me.

 

[ddutch]

I wouldn't hesitate much in boasting myself a VERY thick-skinned person before I started indulging in suicidal thoughts. I could take insults as lightly as I did compliments and rebut accordingly. I even found my opponents in arguments (a dialed-down term for what I'm referring to) to be laughable and moronic when they spoke against me on unfounded grounds.
But ever since I started thinking about killing myself, a practice whose cause I'd like to keep undisclosed at present, so many of the things that did not bother me in the past began to seep below my skin. I feel terrible when someone insults me or subjects me to any criticism.
So many things just make me internally react. I almost never overthought about anything now even the most basic heated exchanges send me down a spiral of agony and overthinking.
I just want to sit down and sink my head between my thighs until all the bad feeling, the chief of which is wanting to end my life then and there, pass.
ANyone else feel like this? :'V

When i had my burnout i noticed the same.
I did not have any resistance against insults. It was so weird but even sarcastic comments of friends even they said and noticed the same and got worried about it.

 

[ayanonikki]

yes, definitely. i am so much more sensitive to everything around me now, whether it be something that directly affects me or not. it's as if this state of mind has opened some sort of third eye in me or something.

speaking about personal criticism, i have also been responding a lot more negatively to it now (although i have never been one to take criticism that well). for me personally, i think it's because i know i have such little time left on this planet, i wonder if all criticism toward me is the overriding thing people will remember me for when i die, and so i kind of freak out.

as well as criticism, things that don't affect me like extreme poverty, climate change, innocent animals/people dying and just the unfairness of the world have entered my thoughts a lot more, and they make me quite upset. i think a lot more about the wider world now and take a deeper look at everything around me in general. i analyse people a lot more and just my situations in general.

this sort of surge in self-awareness and awareness about the world is really enlightening and i enjoy all the discussions i get out of it, but it's hard for a weak person like me who cries at the harsh reality of who i am and what the world is to accept all of it. i suppose that's all what brought us to this forum.

 

[TiredHorse]

Tired horse you may not see this but I must say.

Thank you for the kind words. At the moment I am not very optimistic about my chances, but I'm not yet done fighting.

I've repeatedly come back to this thread in my thoughts over the past couple days, and wanted to add that for me it's almost as though I've been emotionally bruised. In happier times I might have found something uncomfortable, as thin-skinned as I was, but I could bear it. Now? Touch me anywhere and I flinch. The lightest touch of Life feels like a fist, deepening the bruise. A self-perpetuating hell.