I lost a friend to suicide. She was on, it seemed, every anti-depressant and psychotropic drug in the book along with anti-anxiety meds. She developed a medical condition where she would just pass out without any warning. Since we were researchers, management was just about to ban her from going into a lab to do work. The thought of not being able to do the one thing that kept her alive proved to be a bit too much. Her office was two doors down from mine. So at lunch time one day, she took a gun and shot herself in the head. Since it was lunch time there was only her, another researcher and myself on the floor. Funny but the gun really didn't sound that loud, maybe it was the noise from the labs that kind of drowned it out. But there she was on the floor in a pool of her own blood. She had escaped the pain she could not bear. I do remember the head of security being very cold and callous when he commented that she should have done it at home as this just created a mess to clean up at work.
She had talked to me about her plans several times, always seem somewhat agitated when she did. I guess, I should have known that something was up when she came to my office the day before she exited and talked for nearly 3 hours. That 3 hours was the calmest I had seen her in years. It should have been a tip off that she had reached a decision but it just didn't click in my head. The next day she came in and again seemed calm and kind of at peace. She wasn't going around saying goodbye to people or anything like that, nothing to indicate closure. She was just relaxed as she worked. I know that sounds kind of strange but when you work with someone for a long time you notice mood changes, good or bad. I won't forget her or that final day.
