My friends mother committed suicide when he was about 12 years old. On the face of it,she seemed to be a successful ,attractive lady with her own business, married with two children. One of whom was attending oxford university. A couple of days before she died, she took me and several others to a football match. Seemed on the face of it, chatty and happy. Not overly happy, so not manic or anything. Then I remember phoning my friend and him saying 'mums dead', and at first I didn't believe him, because he had always had a sick sense of humour. But anyway,shortly after I put the phone down and told my mum. My mum then phoned several other mums and it turned out to be true.
The lady had gassed herself in the garage using her car, and my friend had found her when he came home from school. I will always remember how angry others were with this lady, especially other mums, it was seen as selfish. I think what made it more damning in their eyes was 'she had everything' ,she as far as they knew had no mental illness.It wasn't like she was in and out of hospital. But clearly there was something very wrong, for her to do what she did. I would say, I can't get my head round why she didn't go elsewhere to kill herself, she must have known her son would probably find her and both him and her husband would have to live in that house.
I wouldn't say Iam angry like others were, clearly not now ,as I have more understanding of depression and not wanting to live anymore, but Iam still a bit mystified about the circumstances. It seriously effected my friends life, he became disruptive at school, became hated by the teachers, that will be something that stays with him for life.
The funeral was a strange affair. I went so did several others of his friends. My poor friend pointed up at the sky and said 'there she blows' after the cremation and made a joke about concentration camps. whole thing was fucked up.
