Have you ever wanted to ctb because of not wanting to bear the consequences of a lie that kept growing over time.

[calino2212]

I don't know if it's just me but this lie is bad and has gotten worse over time. My lie exponentially went bigger over time particularly as I used it to by even more and more time for the thought that ctb would let me escape from the consequences.

I did an attempt back in may with 40 to 50 of paracetamol, didn't work.
Since then I have read more on this site.

I did another (half baked this time) attempt back in september as i felt I couldn't keep that lie much longer but it didn't work.

And so now i got a bottle of 25g of sn since last october.

I was able to keep my lie since then by making it bigger and bigger over time.

The lie has turned into such a clusterfuck, that I can't believe I'm still going with it.

I've not really been thinking of ctb since october as i found new original ways to keep my lie going, but now it won't hold much longer and I'm looking at this site again. Will probably happen very soon.

Anyway wanted to just know if I was the only one with this experience of creating a lie so big that you can't get off from with the solution not being as simple anymore as just telling the truth since the consequences will be much much worst (in my head at least).

 

[gtrfvr]

depends on the lie

 

[WornOutLife]

Yes, I have!
There are some lies I'm still keeping because I just can't be honest with my family about it.
Still, I wouldn't ctb for that now but in the past, hell yeah!

I remember I lied about attending university for 1 year and I wanted to ctb because of that lol.

 

[Tkmiz_Tsukumizu]

Kinda cryptic

 

[calino2212]

Yes, I have!
There are some lies I'm still keeping because I just can't be honest with my family about it.
Still, I wouldn't ctb for that now but in the past, hell yeah!

I remember I lied about attending university for 1 year and I wanted to ctb because of that lol.

Definitely can relate to that.

 

[CatabolicSeed]

What's the lie? You could try asking online for advice on how to resolve the situation

 

[calino2212]

Kinda cryptic

I know, I made it purposely cryptic as I don't feel comfortable to write it myself in words yet.

What's the lie? You could try asking online for advice on how to resolve the situation

I don't know if I can write it and unfortunately I don't think there's any solution with the situation I'm in, at least any solution I would stand living through.

Maybe I'll post my truth in the next few days but I don't think I want to find a way to get out from this since I don't think there's any answer or solution i'd like.

 

[stygal]

Yeah, I kinda relate to what you two (@calino2212 and @WornOutLife) said...at one point in my life I was studying a pretty difficult science course and noticed pretty quickly I couldn't keep up with other students because of my physical and mental inabilities. But I was to scared to tell my surroundings about my troubles and kept telling them how great it was...even thought about catching the bus earlier just to not have to deal with feeling like a failure for giving up on uni.
But then one night I decided to quit and come clean about it and it was a very freeing feeling I can only recommend it (@calino2212).

Whenever I lie it's always to make it seem as if I'm okay. I hate it and I should stop but I haven't found a way to be able to properly address "feeling overwhelmed by things" or "having to give up" and thus disappointing others.

 

[calino2212]

Yeah, I kinda relate to what you two (@calino2212 and @WornOutLife) said...at one point in my life I was studying a pretty difficult science course and noticed pretty quickly I couldn't keep up with other students because of my physical and mental inabilities. But I was to scared to tell my surroundings about my troubles and kept telling them how great it was...even thought about catching the bus earlier just to not have to deal with feeling like a failure for giving up on uni.
But then one night I decided to quit and come clean about it and it was a very freeing feeling I can only recommend it (@calino2212).

Whenever I lie it's always to make it seem as if I'm okay. I hate it and I should stop but I haven't found a way to be able to properly address "feeling overwhelmed by things" or "having to give up" and thus disappointing others.

Definitely understand where you are at and while my situation was different 5 years ago, I can relate.
It's not exactly a situation completely similar that I am in right now and It's also not a situation I can simply come clean about as I've done this already but this one is just much worst and unfortunately not something I can get out of by just telling the truth.

Telling the truth those other times was freeing and I did love it because while the initial moment was scary, the next few weeks were great as a new tunnel oppened up, a tunnel filled with possibilities.

I don't think that tunnel exist now as I have already opened all the tunnels I could in the past. But that new tunnel is just something I can't get out from.

When I feel strong enough, i'll make a post detailing my truth in more details.

 

[Gunnersup]

Yes that's my issue, it will all come crashing down soon

 

[calino2212]

Yes that's my issue, it will all come crashing down soon

Don't you hate it when that happens.

 

[Gunnersup]

Don't you hate it when that happens.

I guess we should be thankful that our situations is purely situational, the suicidal thoughts and feelings have the ability to go away if I get over the huge clusterfuck of a lie I got myself into. Although it's gotten to the point where I can't even comprehend getting out of it easily

Yes, I have!
There are some lies I'm still keeping because I just can't be honest with my family about it.
Still, I wouldn't ctb for that now but in the past, hell yeah!

I remember I lied about attending university for 1 year and I wanted to ctb because of that lol.

How exactly did you get out of the University lie? In a similar spot here