Have you ever thought about not CTB, but rather just living a mad life: Partying, drinking, drugs, sex, and living “just” inside the law?

[Cockney_Rebel]

Currently have a few plans on the go, but this thought just occurred to me.

I'm not very good at this suicide stuff, because regardless of how hard I try, evidently, I'm still here.

I actually hate life, but I just thought about saying "fuck it" and just getting on it, non stop.

Of course there'll come times when my body would be just forced to rest (maybe lose a couple of days to sleep, here & there) but other than that, life could just become one big party.

And if one destroys their body in the process, and dies, viola, you've got whet you wanted in the first place.

What are your thoughts on this?

 

[Jumping_realms]

I've lived that lifestyle pretty "outside" the law, but it was nothing "fun", it was the opposite. 14 impatient rehabs(4 over 6 months impatient), a dozen or so outpatient, 9 psych wards stays(maybe 1/2 voluntary), probably 4 dozen hospital stays, 5 attempts, and 2 serious major incarcerations.

It's pretty maddening to go through that type of shit, and much of the reason I plan to CTB fairly soon. That's just my experience, maybe someone can tell you it's great. I will admit it's great at first, but after the initial stages wear off, even if the money is there, it becomes a dirty chore you want off your back.

 

[motel rooms]

Well, it's certainly a better idea to have sex than to cut yourself...

 

[Cockney_Rebel]

Well, it's certainly a better idea to have sex than to cut yourself...

You could get a bit kinky, and do both?

Tut-tut, I expected more from you!

 

[brutalus]

this is basically what i do. slow suicide with drugs, prostitutes driving fast, getting in fights, etc. problem is i lost most of my funds recently :(

now i want to do something riskier, like steal some money, but i dont know how to.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

No. I can't feel drunk anymore. I'm too unhappy to feel drunk or high. That shit takes money and likely years for it to do one in.

 

[Seiko]

That's a no for me; absolutely not my scene. That's not to discount the idea, but no one can live that way forever. There's a reason why people only party on the weekends: it's expensive, draining, and there's a job to get back to. Besides, living the entirety of your life a as college fratboy sounds incredibly depressing. Once your pockets run dry—and it will—you'd be back to square one.

Speaking of which, I enjoy being a square.

 

[motel rooms]

You could get a bit kinky, and do both?

Tut-tut, I expected more from you!

You'd be disappointed, I'm not terribly kinky. Unless the guy is exceptionally hot, then I'll do the pig however he wants.
Do str8 people do chemsex?

 

[OnlyTheWind]

If I still had the motivation, I'd love to just go out at night and write graffiti. God, I miss those days. Getting horned at by cars when they saw me putting up tags by the road, smashing windows at the old warehouse, getting away with doing burners and almost getting caught at the trainyard. In my heart those days wil last forever!

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

You'd be disappointed, I'm not terribly kinky. Unless the guy is exceptionally hot, then I'll do the pig however he wants.
Do str8 people do chemsex?

Ummm no. I had to look that up.

 

[Cockney_Rebel]

You'd be disappointed, I'm not terribly kinky. Unless the guy is exceptionally hot, then I'll do the pig however he wants.
Do str8 people do chemsex?

Of course.

Why would you think otherwise?

Now pass me that straw and the bag …

 

[HelloHell]

I'm probably just gonna live my life breaking the law so bad I can get the death penalty

 

[Cockney_Rebel]

I'm probably just gonna live my life breaking the law so bad I can get the death penalty

An interesting method.

You'd be suffering on death row for years, though.

 

[HelloHell]

An interesting method.

You'd be suffering on death row for years, though.

Ah you're right. Maybe I can get other inmates to kill me before that, or I can just hold on on death row. Either way I'm sure to die

 

[Cockney_Rebel]

Ah you're right. Maybe I can get other inmates to kill me before that, or I can just hold on on death row. Either way I'm sure to die

Killing a C.O should bring your date closer.

 

[CarbonatedWater]

Every morning you wake up with a hangover you will hate your life x10 more haha

 

[Cockney_Rebel]

Every morning you wake up with a hangover you will hate your life x10 more haha

Hair of the dog .

 

[PaxAmerica]

I like the idea. I certainly am rubbish at the CTB thing.

 

[weepingfree]

this is basically what i do. slow suicide with drugs, prostitutes driving fast, getting in fights, etc. problem is i lost most of my funds recently :(

now i want to do something riskier, like steal some money, but i dont know how to.

Credit card scamming sounds frothy

 

[brutalus]

Credit card scamming sounds frothy

looking for tutorial on youtub

 

[ithappens]

No, I don't picture that sort of lifestyle would produce any results for me.
Plus I've known people who have lived that life, maybe even going outside the law sometimes when it came to things like drugs, and they 100% did not overcome their mental health issues by doing that shit. One of them died of a fentanyl OD snorting what he was told was a line of cocaine. Another went to a bunch of raves doing LSD, ecstasy, the whole laundry list of party drugs basically, and he wound up with heart problems and now lives an extremely limited lifestyle where just about anything can upset his heart and hurt or kill him. Another is living a miserable depressed existence earning a living as the middle man in drug deals and despite not touching anything "hard" like heroin, fentanyl, etc. he's partied with people who have tried to kill him just because THEY were high, people who have robbed him, and his brother is addicted to meth which is an even worse hell than just being depressed and suicidal. Another girl I knew in high school was out partying with some friends and a guy stabbed her to death over a baggy of weed - WEED. She lost her life over one of the least addictive substances you could take. Another old friend of mine got addicted to heroin because she was told it was something else. And a friend's mom who is one of those older women who never grows up and still likes to party? Was tricked into smoking meth and clawed her own arms open because she tripped the hell out.

I'll smoke weed right now, but I've ditched the LSD, the ketamine, and the ecstasy. And frankly (at least from my experiences) while a lot of party-people are genuinely good people looking for a good time or to get away from their poor mental health, there are a hell of a lot of predators out there who prey on the first type because shit like partying and doing drugs, drinking, having sex with prostitutes, and living a "mad life" opens people up to being preyed on. And if there's one thing I'm not looking for in my remaining time here before I die or ctb it's suffering. Living the reckless life is for some reason always painted as being very fun and glamorous and carefree, but in me and my friends' experiences it is literally the exact opposite. It's like perpetually living in the port-a-potty by the bus station rather than just catching the damn bus, praying that some sex or murder crazed predator isn't going to come into the bathroom and exploit your very obvious weaknesses.

 

[brutalus]

No, I don't picture that sort of lifestyle would produce any results for me.
Plus I've known people who have lived that life, maybe even going outside the law sometimes when it came to things like drugs, and they 100% did not overcome their mental health issues by doing that shit. One of them died of a fentanyl OD snorting what he was told was a line of cocaine. Another went to a bunch of raves doing LSD, ecstasy, the whole laundry list of party drugs basically, and he wound up with heart problems and now lives an extremely limited lifestyle where just about anything can upset his heart and hurt or kill him. Another is living a miserable depressed existence earning a living as the middle man in drug deals and despite not touching anything "hard" like heroin, fentanyl, etc. he's partied with people who have tried to kill him just because THEY were high, people who have robbed him, and his brother is addicted to meth which is an even worse hell than just being depressed and suicidal. Another girl I knew in high school was out partying with some friends and a guy stabbed her to death over a baggy of weed - WEED. She lost her life over one of the least addictive substances you could take. Another old friend of mine got addicted to heroin because she was told it was something else. And a friend's mom who is one of those older women who never grows up and still likes to party? Was tricked into smoking meth and clawed her own arms open because she tripped the hell out.

I'll smoke weed right now, but I've ditched the LSD, the ketamine, and the ecstasy. And frankly (at least from my experiences) while a lot of party-people are genuinely good people looking for a good time or to get away from their poor mental health, there are a hell of a lot of predators out there who prey on the first type because shit like partying and doing drugs, drinking, having sex with prostitutes, and living a "mad life" opens people up to being preyed on. And if there's one thing I'm not looking for in my remaining time here before I die or ctb it's suffering. Living the reckless life is for some reason always painted as being very fun and glamorous and carefree, but in me and my friends' experiences it is literally the exact opposite. It's like perpetually living in the port-a-potty by the bus station rather than just catching the damn bus, praying that some sex or murder crazed predator isn't going to come into the bathroom and exploit your very obvious weaknesses.

ah sounds terrible! in my case ive never liked parties because i dont like people. I JUST LOVE THE DRUGS. also o consider myself a functioning addict. i have a job most of the time (im freelance) and a house. also i dont think OP meant it as a way to recovery, rather as a last step before death.

 

[weepingfree]

looking for tutorial on youtub

City Girls rap about it… and Yung Miami did two years for it…

 

[lugerepair]

Well, the issue with that for me would be that it doesn't sound like a fun time at all? So I just don't see the point. I hate parties, first of all. Sex is fun but it requires finding someone I'm willing to have it with and I don't get along with most people (I usually need to feel an emotional and intellectual connection with someone, in addition to finding them physically attractive, to want to have sex with them). I find drinking to be extremely pointless. Some drugs are fun for a little while but then they turn into an addiction that just increases your suffering. Others (psychedelics) involve taking a gamble between having a bad trip and having a bunch of "holy shit dude" realizations about the nature of existence and the universe that will probably turn out to be nonsense the next day. So yeah, I just have no interest in all that stuff at this point in time.

 

[weepingfree]

Others (psychedelics) involve taking a gamble between having a bad trip and having a bunch of "holy shit dude" realizations about the nature of existence and the universe that will probably turn out to be nonsense the next day. So yeah, I just have no interest in all that stuff at this point in time.

You made me think of when I first did psychedelic shrooms. I was sure I was the master of the universe, ready to deliver unheard truths to the world. Then I came down and I was a drunk college kid sitting on the floor, sweating a little too much

 

[Cockney_Rebel]

No, I don't picture that sort of lifestyle would produce any results for me.
Plus I've known people who have lived that life, maybe even going outside the law sometimes when it came to things like drugs, and they 100% did not overcome their mental health issues by doing that shit. One of them died of a fentanyl OD snorting what he was told was a line of cocaine. Another went to a bunch of raves doing LSD, ecstasy, the whole laundry list of party drugs basically, and he wound up with heart problems and now lives an extremely limited lifestyle where just about anything can upset his heart and hurt or kill him. Another is living a miserable depressed existence earning a living as the middle man in drug deals and despite not touching anything "hard" like heroin, fentanyl, etc. he's partied with people who have tried to kill him just because THEY were high, people who have robbed him, and his brother is addicted to meth which is an even worse hell than just being depressed and suicidal. Another girl I knew in high school was out partying with some friends and a guy stabbed her to death over a baggy of weed - WEED. She lost her life over one of the least addictive substances you could take. Another old friend of mine got addicted to heroin because she was told it was something else. And a friend's mom who is one of those older women who never grows up and still likes to party? Was tricked into smoking meth and clawed her own arms open because she tripped the hell out.

I'll smoke weed right now, but I've ditched the LSD, the ketamine, and the ecstasy. And frankly (at least from my experiences) while a lot of party-people are genuinely good people looking for a good time or to get away from their poor mental health, there are a hell of a lot of predators out there who prey on the first type because shit like partying and doing drugs, drinking, having sex with prostitutes, and living a "mad life" opens people up to being preyed on. And if there's one thing I'm not looking for in my remaining time here before I die or ctb it's suffering. Living the reckless life is for some reason always painted as being very fun and glamorous and carefree, but in me and my friends' experiences it is literally the exact opposite. It's like perpetually living in the port-a-potty by the bus station rather than just catching the damn bus, praying that some sex or murder crazed predator isn't going to come into the bathroom and exploit your very obvious weaknesses.

I have to say, buddy, I'd hate to be a friend of yours.

You are one unlucky SOB!

Wishing you well (as I side-step away … ).

 

[Beached_whale]

I'd love to but too physically exhausted

 

[ithappens]

ah sounds terrible! in my case ive never liked parties because i dont like people. I JUST LOVE THE DRUGS. also o consider myself a functioning addict. i have a job most of the time (im freelance) and a house. also i dont think OP meant it as a way to recovery, rather as a last step before death.

It sounds like you're at least able to function around your addictions. And I do know that's what OP meant, but even as a last step before death it's a shitty one to take because it will likely cause more suffering or open OPs eyes even wider to some of the horrible stuff that people will do to one another.

Honestly if OP wants to have a good time before they die I would suggest the following: Start worrying about your own needs and wants and don't let family/friends try to push miseries on you even if they claim they are necessary. Be selfish. Unfriend anyone who doesn't bring you joy or happiness. Buy some weed, stuff a bowl, sit back and relax. Watch some anime or some cool movies. If you don't want to watch movies, or maybe even play some video games alone, join a discord so you can hang out with people. Say fuck it and join some hangouts that don't involve drugs. Go to a strip club or take a vacation to a state (assuming USA) where prostitution is legal and less of a risk regarding getting mugged or an STD. The girls/guys working as prostitutes will be more likely doing it because they want to there anyway and not because they're being forced into it. Plus you can use the time while you're there to eat out and enjoy nice food and go see local attractions.

All of that will cost money, but so would partying hard with a bunch of drug addicts, and the latter is more likely to get you raped/mugged/murdered/assaulted anyway.