I read somewhere that people who have been psychiatrically hospitalized before are, ironically, some of the biggest suicide risks.
I was hospitalized once a few years ago. I was 19. I told my therapist I was having suicidal thoughts, and he, moron that he was, told me that if I went to the hospital they'd help "connect me with resources." He wasn't trying to trick me, he genuinely thought that was what would happen, that they'd just welcome me with a smile, put me in touch with some people, and send me on my way. I rode my bike a mile to the hospital like a good obedient little boy and told the doctor I was having suicidal thoughts, and he immediately put me under a 72 hour hold, which essentially means that you have to be hospitalized for at least three business days no matter what. It was a really traumatizing experience knowing I'd just been stripped of all my rights and was about to be essentially legally kidnapped.
I was there for 3 or 4 days, they released me pretty fast because I was well behaved and seemed to "get better" fast. Looking back, I wasn't really doing that badly at the time, I just needed a break. It was pretty much a non-event. Didn't really change anything about my life.
The only thing is that I'll have to live the rest of my life with the shame of knowing I was hospitalized. Everyone struggles with mental health so much nowadays that it's practically trendy, but very few people actually get hospitalized for it, especially men, and I did. It's something I can hide from others, unlike the scars on my left arm, but it'll always be a fact about me that I'm deeply ashamed of. I will always have this stain on me setting me apart from the rest of the world. I was a fucking college student, none of my problems were real, and yet I just had to go and be all dramatic. It'll prevent me from doing something like joining the Peace Corps, if I ever decide to do that.
What's funny is that, if I'd just fucking snapped out of it and made better decisions when I was that age, I wouldn't be in the place I'm in now. Now, I really do want to die. And I'm not going to be telling any doctors about it.
I was hospitalized once a few years ago. I was 19. I told my therapist I was having suicidal thoughts, and he, moron that he was, told me that if I went to the hospital they'd help "connect me with resources." He wasn't trying to trick me, he genuinely thought that was what would happen, that they'd just welcome me with a smile, put me in touch with some people, and send me on my way. I rode my bike a mile to the hospital like a good obedient little boy and told the doctor I was having suicidal thoughts, and he immediately put me under a 72 hour hold, which essentially means that you have to be hospitalized for at least three business days no matter what. It was a really traumatizing experience knowing I'd just been stripped of all my rights and was about to be essentially legally kidnapped.
I was there for 3 or 4 days, they released me pretty fast because I was well behaved and seemed to "get better" fast. Looking back, I wasn't really doing that badly at the time, I just needed a break. It was pretty much a non-event. Didn't really change anything about my life.
The only thing is that I'll have to live the rest of my life with the shame of knowing I was hospitalized. Everyone struggles with mental health so much nowadays that it's practically trendy, but very few people actually get hospitalized for it, especially men, and I did. It's something I can hide from others, unlike the scars on my left arm, but it'll always be a fact about me that I'm deeply ashamed of. I will always have this stain on me setting me apart from the rest of the world. I was a fucking college student, none of my problems were real, and yet I just had to go and be all dramatic. It'll prevent me from doing something like joining the Peace Corps, if I ever decide to do that.
What's funny is that, if I'd just fucking snapped out of it and made better decisions when I was that age, I wouldn't be in the place I'm in now. Now, I really do want to die. And I'm not going to be telling any doctors about it.
