Have you ever been bullied? Are you traumatized due to it?

[noname223]

I think there are several ideas behind this thread. I could very well imagine there is a correllation between being bullying and wanting to commit suicide. I was bullied for a very long time as a teenager and also very severely. I think yes it traumatized me. Especially my paranoia (about being bullied) and eating disorder have origin in that. They say many people who develop psychosis have experienced being excluded socially. And yes this is true. I can remember after a special events (extreme bullying) I developed my first paranoid thought. I have the theory this triggered my first manic episode, It is impossible to prove that but the time sequence fits.

But there is also this saying. Noone is solely a victim of bullying most of us also were at least once in a life time a bully themselve. I don't know if that is true. But it made me think. If I compare the relation of bully someone or get bullied I am by very far rather the victim. Most of my worst bullies came from very rich families and live now probably wonderful lives while I experience mental torment every single day.

But there were some people I also hurt. There was one boy in kindergarten who we treated very badly. I think we have hurt him a lot. Mabye he still remembers me. Then there was once one of my best friends was horribly bullied. I did not have the guts to defend him. I was too scared to get bullied too. Yeah I feel pretty bad due to these two people who I have hurt. On the other hand the count of "dead bodies" (only used metaphorically) of other people is probably way higher. And when I kill myself this is not a metaphor anymore. My bullies will have my blood on their hand and they will never know it. I prefer that. I don't want them to know it. I would be too scared to get further humiliated.

 

[FuneralCry]

I did know some cruel people when I was much younger but I have mostly forgotten about it all, it is all just distant memories. I prefer to avoid people personally and I see it as best to be alone. It is really horrifying that bullying is a thing in the first place and it is understandable as to why it would make someone suicidal. It is terrible the way that many people treat others. I'm sorry that you had to experience bullying. It is such an unfair life and people should not have to suffer like that.

 

[come to dust]

yes and yes

 

[lofticries]

Pretty much all through my life (mentally). It fucked up my self esteem big time. I also have major trust issues.

 

[kittykrying]

during all my life

 

[Klophy]

Yeah, i was bullied too. I do believe it traumatised me, it was the source of my stress eating, anxiety and whatever else i've got going on.


There were other people who were bullied and i didn't help, mostly due to fear. Other than that i don't think i've done anything that could be said to be bullying.

I also looked up one of my bullies. They've made an incredible name for themselves within their industry, financially stable, have a family, friends and whatever else. They have all that while i'm stuck in my own personal hell. /rant

 

[littlelungs]

I was bullied for my first couple years of high school, but at the time I didn't even think of it as bullying, rather just popular kids acting like dickheads to look cool and "assert" their social status in front of others, so for that reason if anyone asked me if I was being bullied, I probably would have said no, just because it was so widespread. What they did would definitely constitute bullying (e.g., being 5'4 and 90 pounds and called "fat as fuck" in front of everyone in drama class while everyone laughed), but I more or less thought of it as something that just came with being in high school, as unfortunate as that is.

I was also sexually harassed by some boys who told me that they wanted to "fuck (me) in the ass" and that they knew where I lived, which scared the shit out of me for obvious reasons, in addition to the fact that I was already dealing with the severe physical and psychological consequences of having been sexually abused as a child to begin with, so it was definitely triggering, as you can probably imagine.

I wouldn't say that I was traumatized by it, but my already-existing, severe trauma obviously didn't help anything at all... it was just extra salt on the wound, so to speak; one more bullshit thing I had to deal with.

 

[alliebear]

Yess i do. I actually been bullied for a long time, from my first to my second relationship. That person used to be my bestfriend, then on my birthday she managed to convinced all my other friends to leave me. She always think im a sneaky bad person, so she decided to Haunting me, saying that she'll exposed my secret (i was assault by my stepbrother and she as my bestfriend at that time knew that) and when i move to next relationship, she also somehow managed to convinced my new friend to leave me. Haunting my second relay as well, saying that she'll contact my stepbrother for prove that i had been raped. She and her group of friends, one of the guy really2 liked me, so she made plan for the guy to actually meet me as friend and tried to rape me. Didnt managed though, but they told everyone i "raped" that guy which is obviously not true. I was in deep an that time as my partner decided to believe them. That was two years ago ago, and i havent had any friendship since. I was too afraid to go out, knowing she had so many people behind her, i remained in my bedroom for years:) she actually texted me on twitter last year, asking for apology because somehow she always had bad dreams and nightmares about me, I forgave her, but the trauma is always there and left such a big hole in me

 

[Getmeouttaherenow]

Bullied in elementary and high school. But I think my issues with anxiety and depression started before that due to shitty male role model, and constantly changing schools. I find it easier to communicate if there's just one other person. If there's more I find myself a loner in the back with nothing to contribute

 

[outatime_85]

Yes, I was, and I am.

From childhood to late teens, psychologically and physically, because I let those things happen to me.

I have little to no social skills or self-esteem. I don't trust anyone, even my family. When they approach me, I always wonder what hurtful things will be said.

I don't have the ability to ask anyone for help, so don't. I simply suffer in silence.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Throughout my whole life apparently. I was so concentrated on the abuse at home I didn't even realize until recently thats what was going on in school.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

My autism basically made it so that I never really registered any fights as bullying, even when I was outnumbered. I definitely was at both ends of the fights and verbal conflicts, nothing that registered as anything serious to me at the time. I had people laugh and snicker when I ran around screaming repeated autistic phrases completely out of context or wearing clothes inside out/etc, but I barely noticed it at the time; and I don't think other kids were aggressive/mean about it. What was common, I think, was people picking up that I wasn't on their level developmentally (extremely slow brain development) or socially, and just kind of politely ignoring me/not inviting me to stuff.

 

[waitingforrest]

Yeah. Sometimes it was really bad, but it was always the small things people would do that sticks.
Small things like people intentionally avoiding, stealing stuff, ''jokes'', rumors, nicknames, pushed or shoved. And so on.

That s**t adds up at the end of the day. The more severe bullying, once it happens, at least it's over for a while.
It takes more effort to carry out, but avoidence and rumors? Bullies can easily do that all day, it never stops.

 

[Grav]

I was bullied before middle school (say 3-5 grades). I had issues before then but that didn't help. I found a way to deal with it by having friends and as friends we'd gang up on any potential bullies who came looking for a punching bag. The scene from the remake of "IT" where they fight at the river was how we operated and I had a really good laugh at that part. But back then teachers could put a kid in their place and I got to see my particular antagonist jacked up against a wall by a teacher, the kid was no good and probably in prison now if not dead, but that stopped his antics for the rest of his school days. I don't recommend violent solutions to all problems but in my experience a bully stops when they get the beat down. I've seen it in action on more than one occasion and it worked.

 

[hellispink]

Yes. I suffered from bullyng until I dropped out of high school. I was cyber bullied by my classmates. They would write my name in the board during class, send messages, call me ugly and put other girls pretty faces next to mine and made others vote who was prettier. I got insulted by everyone and called ugly and they used my pictures without consent. They would tell me to ctb because i was ugly and so were my teeth. I was a joke to them.

 

[Squiddy]

Yeah and I ended up developing PTSD because of it

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

My brother was my bully. Almost killed me once. I don't know if I'm traumatized by him because I didn't even realize it wasn't normal until I was an adult, but it definitely had an impact and in probably more ways than I'm even aware of, and there is still a lot of unresolved anger.. mostly because he's still a huge woman hating asshole though, and could do no wrong in my mother's eyes (shes dead now). He tried to recruit people in high school to hate and make fun of me.

I went through a goth phase in the early 2000's in a small, redneck school in the bible belt so got some crap for that as well but that didn't phase me at all.

I was very dissociated during this period of my life though, so a lot of things just kind of went right over me and I think that protected me a lot. It's the complete opposite now. I feel everything.

 

[freedompass]

Hmmm yup, I was definitely bullied from an early age, I just had a vulnerability about me that the 'stronger' characters would zero in on. At my first primary school I would stand alone in the playground watching the other kids running around shouting and laughing. Nothing has changed! I prayed for rain so we'd be allowed to stay indoors and read in the library. I was ganged up on by two girls, one of whom had been my friend, both there and at the second primary school where the bullying was even worse because I had become fat. The first school had poorer and more deprived kids. I would team up with other 'victims', sometimes I would play with the boys as the girls were such bitches. Boys bully and are nasty as fuck too but in a different more straightforward way. The second primary school which was more middle class was worse. Being fat most definitely helped to make me a target but regardless I still had that vulnerable loner nature. I was included in more activities and less shunned there. Made a couple of friends, one repeated the pattern of ganging up with another girl. Why do they feel the need to do this stuff. It's fine you want to befriend someone else, no need to come back and rub salt in the wounds, right?

Things could have got a lot worse at high school if I had gone to a regular mixed 'comprehensive'. Thank god I went to a selective girls grammar school where most of the girls were swots like me and I was not at the bottom of the food chain at least. We were mostly diligent students focused on our studies so to some extent I thrived (and was no longer fat). I was very into horses and riding and did have fun with the other girls who hung out at the stables but there was more bullying there too, once again certain others had it worse. When I've seen someone getting bullied or excluded I've tried to help them as much as I could. I was too aware of how shitty it felt to be a bully myself. My comfort zone was always solitude.

In adult life there have been numerous instances of bullying and exclusion, including in the workplace. I think the pattern of being a likely victim is set up in those early experiences. From that point on you are hyper vigilant and bullies pick up on that and target you. @noname I developed psychosis in later life, I think you may well be right about the bullying being a trigger. Can you believe I've been bullied on the psych ward too? Also witnessed blatant bullying and mobbing of other vulnerable people there. No wonder I prefer to stay alone. At times I bully myself. Not sure if that is learned or something we all do to some degree. Being sent to school at four or five is like being thrown to the lions. What a rite of passage, right? I know many got it way worse than I did but yeah IMO it is one of the most damaging and traumatic experiences you can go through in the formative years.