Venting Have to write my suicide note

[Idontmatter]

I have to start writing my suicide note. It's about just about the last thing I need to do. This is going to be the hardest letter that I will have written. Mainly because it's going to be to my husband. Lots of tears will be shed. With all of my mental issues he has been my rock. The most patient person ever. I just hope he understands why I left. I'll explain everything in my letter but one of my fears besides failing to die is my husband hating me for leaving. I'll understand if he does though. I have many reasons why I hate myself but one is being a weak person that would rather die than fight more to live. I'm just so exhausted and any motivation to live is gone. My suicidal thoughts are literally 24/7. I've got 2 weeks left to make sure he is all set up on bills and stuff and get passwords written down for him. I'm ready to die and have accepted my decision but it's still going to be an emotional 2 weeks. I'll only delay my suicide if a miracle happens and I find a little bit of hope and that's a low chance of happening. Sorry for my rambling. I've got a bad habit of doing that. I just feel like a horrible person.

 

[Julgran]

I have to start writing my suicide note. It's about just about the last thing I need to do. This is going to be the hardest letter that I will have written. Mainly because it's going to be to my husband. Lots of tears will be shed. With all of my mental issues he has been my rock. The most patient person ever. I just hope he understands why I left. I'll explain everything in my letter but one of my fears besides failing to die is my husband hating me for leaving. I'll understand if he does though. I have many reasons why I hate myself but one is being a weak person that would rather die than fight more to live. I'm just so exhausted and any motivation to live is gone. My suicidal thoughts are literally 24/7. I've got 2 weeks left to make sure he is all set up on bills and stuff and get passwords written down for him. I'm ready to die and have accepted my decision but it's still going to be an emotional 2 weeks. I'll only delay my suicide if a miracle happens and I find a little bit of hope and that's a low chance of happening.

You are right in your own convictions. It would probably be beneficial for your husband if you could formulate your letter in such a way that it leaves no room for interpretation or self-hatred on his part, such as explaining that he was not a part of your decision to end your life, and that you have done this with a clear mind.

Others may bring additional tips for you, I hope.

Sorry for my rambling. I've got a bad habit of doing that. I just feel like a horrible person.

No worries! I don't believe that you are a bad person, but only you can be the judge of that. If you believe that you are, though, you may want to remember any situations in which you have been good to another person - such as your husband

 

[Underneath]

The fact you are thinking the way you describe instantly tells me you are not a horrible person.
I wish you all the best over the next two weeks, and I hope you find peace and solace in whatever decision you make.

Never be afraid to ramble, sometimes it"s the best thing to do.

~U

 

[Idontmatter]

You are right in your own convictions. It would probably be beneficial for your husband if you could formulate your letter in such a way that you it leaves no room for interpretation or self-hatred on his part, such as explaining that he was not a part of your decision to end your life, and that you have done this with a clear mind.

Others may bring additional tips for you, I hope.



No worries! I don't believe that you are a bad person, but only you can be the judge of that. If you believe that you are, though, you may want to remember any situations in which you have been good to another person - such as your husband

I agree, I want him to know none of it is his fault. It's all me and my fucked up head. Thankfully he has a good support system with his sisters and his mom so they will be over here with him once they find out. I just have a lot of self hatred

The fact you are thinking the way you describe instantly tells me you are not a horrible person.
I wish you all the best over the next two weeks, and I hope you find peace and solace in whatever decision you make.

Never be afraid to ramble, sometimes it"s the best thing to do.

~U

I have a habit of rambling when I'm emotional and this is the only place I can be honest about Suicide so I have to bottle it all up and release it on the forum sometimes.

 

[FuneralCry]

I would always see it as a good idea to write a note personally as it gives those left behind some closure and it can act as an explanation. It is sad how life brings people to this point and that so many of us have to endure lives filled with pain. I hope that you find relief. Best wishes.

 

[Idontmatter]

And having to work my last 2 weeks doesn't help but i have to keep up appearances, plus I can close out any open projects for them.

 

[stoiccactus]

I don't know if there is anything you can say or do to prevent him from feeling like he could've prevented this in some way. All you can do is prepare documents, insurance, passwords, and everything to make the operational stuff of your death easier.

 

[Flying Away]

I too require a miracle. I know what mine is. If you would like you can PM me and we can talk about the miracles we need. Who knows we might be able to help each other find their miracle

 

[Euthanza]

I have to start writing my suicide note. It's about just about the last thing I need to do. This is going to be the hardest letter that I will have written. Mainly because it's going to be to my husband. Lots of tears will be shed. With all of my mental issues he has been my rock. The most patient person ever. I just hope he understands why I left. I'll explain everything in my letter but one of my fears besides failing to die is my husband hating me for leaving. I'll understand if he does though. I have many reasons why I hate myself but one is being a weak person that would rather die than fight more to live. I'm just so exhausted and any motivation to live is gone. My suicidal thoughts are literally 24/7. I've got 2 weeks left to make sure he is all set up on bills and stuff and get passwords written down for him. I'm ready to die and have accepted my decision but it's still going to be an emotional 2 weeks. I'll only delay my suicide if a miracle happens and I find a little bit of hope and that's a low chance of happening. Sorry for my rambling. I've got a bad habit of doing that. I just feel like a horrible person.

You're not a horrible person. Emotions are normal, especially in such time of biggest decision of life and death. I wish you can relax and beat depression for your final peace.

 

[Idontmatter]

You're not a horrible person. Emotions are normal, especially in such time of biggest decision of life and death. I wish you can relax and beat depression for your final peace.

I feel like I am. My last 2 weeks I'm going to try and relax and just spend time with my husband. I have pretty much everything I need for the 6th so that part is done. My other big fear is failing but I've read and reread sn goodbye threads and I'm getting more confident it will work. I'll deal with the discomfort. I'm definitely at peace with my decision to die which tells me I'm ready for it to happen. I'm still working and will be working up to the end to keep up appearances so no one gets suspicious.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sad and sorry that you think so badly of yourself. I bet no one that knows you would think of you like you do. Still, I know how persuasive that inner voice can be and how difficult and exhausting it is to fight against it. Life is so hard isn't it?

I can appreciate how hard it is to leave your husband. I'm very close to my Dad. Fortunately I think I can hang on until he goes but I'm not sure after that. I think a letter is a very good idea. I would want the people left to know that there simply wasn't anything they could have done to help. Ultimately, we have to save ourselves I believe and sometimes that is just too difficult.

I wish you well in whatever you decide.

 

[Idontmatter]

I'm so sad and sorry that you think so badly of yourself. I bet no one that knows you would think of you like you do. Still, I know how persuasive that inner voice can be and how difficult and exhausting it is to fight against it. Life is so hard isn't it?

I can appreciate how hard it is to leave your husband. I'm very close to my Dad. Fortunately I think I can hang on until he goes but I'm not sure after that. I think a letter is a very good idea. I would want the people left to know that there simply wasn't anything they could have done to help. Ultimately, we have to save ourselves I believe and sometimes that is just too difficult.

I wish you well in whatever you decide.

I always have that self hatred. My mind is now consumed with death so that's my only option left.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I always have that self hatred. My mind is now consumed with death so that's my only option left.

That's so sad but I understand. It's so difficult to see so many people struggling with so much pain on here. I wish we could all just be at peace.