Venting Have I suffered enough?

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I have severe generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, panic disorder, agoraphobia, and depression.
This causes me to be miserable, anxious, feel sick, and tired majority of the time.

Ive done exposure therapy, psycho therapy, group therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, a lot of different coping methods and meditations. I take meds and vitamins and I'm still miserable.

I take lexapro, hydroxyzine, buspirone, Odansetron, and Nadolol. I've definitely improved from where I started two years ago. But it feels like it'll never be good enough. Like my quality of life will always kind of suck as I'll always be anxious and simple things like going shopping makes it even worse.

I'm also scared of pain. I've thought about doing the nitrogen or helium edit bag method but it seems kind of complicated and I feel like I'd mess it up as there isn't a step by step of what exact items you need, where to get them, and etc.

So I've been looking for other methods and came across SN. However, I'm worried that it'll be painful as it'll most likely prevent me from going through with it and if I do go through with it whenever I'm in pain I tend to get nauseated and I'm already pretty nauseous just from my anxiety so I most likely will throw up right away.

Then through all this research I'm wondering if I've tried hard enough, have I suffered enough, will I fail dying, will it be painful, what if I regret it, and all of that. But at the same time I just want to be done suffering.

 

[ecmnesia]

accepting death is a process.

if it is meant to be, you will eventually find a method that's appropriate for your specific needs. you've already been through so much, there is no need to hurry now. hang on a little be longer, consider the possibilities carefully, the methods, the availability, if that's really what you want.... there are so many aspects to think of, and it takes time. i know you are in pain, but please do not rush this decision.

eventually, if death is your chosen path, those things will be resolved. and if not, you can get a shot at recovery. both is good.

don't disregard your feelings and experiences. any amount of pain is enough. there is no such a thing as limiar.

i am very sorry that things have been so hard from you. I can only offer you my sympathy, hoping that no matter the path you choose, it will bring you peace. take care.