Have any of you reached out to someone in person before? How did it go?

[Hydrokhoos]

I'm planning on talking to my program coordinator tomorrow. I'm not going to say "I want to CTB" for the sake of plausible deniability if they try to hospitalize me, but I'm gonna strongly hint at it.

I'm struggling so much right now and I just want someone in my life to say "I see that you're struggling but still trying your best, and that's ok."

But I really have no idea how its gonna go. I'd love to hear about other people's experiences.

 

[Done at Fifty]

Just be careful who you reach out to. If you're looking for the answer you stated, then it should be a professional that you speak to. Even our closest loved ones may not respond how we want. I once told my mother I was suicidal and she told me where the nearest bridge was. She didn't really want me to kill myself, she was just frustrated with my constant depression and treats to end it all.

 

[TotallyIsolated]

People who have never been suicidal just don't get it. Even if they have, people who 'care' about you will just throw it back at you. The only pain that matters will be theirs.

It doesn't matter how careful you are, how much you blanket things in qualifying statements, or how many times you try to explain the prison you are trapped in. They will INSIST they know your life better than you do, and they'll probably want to lock you up or handcuff you to a hospital bed so they can feel better.

At the same time they'll say "you don't have to lie to us" and also "you have to promise us you wont hurt yourself". You can see the cognitive dissonance in their eyes.

Don't expect *any* kind of respect from anyone, no matter how close you are.

I have lost some very dear friends by opening up to them, and my mother can't even talk to me about my depression any more. Be cautious.

 

[Hydrokhoos]

Don't expect *any* kind of respect from anyone, no matter how close you are.

I have lost some very dear friends by opening up to them, and my mother can't even talk to me about my depression any more. Be cautious.

This is what I'm afraid of. I am terrified of losing the respect of those around of me over it. I was considering going to this person because he's middle ground from going to a counselor to telling a direct superior, but I know he's either not going to take me seriously and realize its worse than just feeling a little stressed, or he's going to tell me to seek out a counselor.

I always expect the reaction I want and then end up feeling way worse because I don't get it. I'm reconsidering telling him.

 

[Death Standing]

If you're trying to get better often it has to come from within. I've reached and acted out on numerous occasions and I always got sent to the hospital (speaking on how it was when I was still legally a child).

Sadly, no one can help you get better but you. I've read so many things and been told so many different things/viewpoints.

No matter what someone tells you, you have to believe it. I have never felt fulfilled with the responses I got. It was the worst when my own mother sent me inpatient twice. She loves me but just doesn't know how to help

I don't blame her, I just realize some people (such as myself) can't be saved.

I have heard that if you still have hope CBT therapy is pretty helpful. It tries to change how someone thinks. I'm sure someone on here has tried it. Just a thought.

Anyways, good luck with telling that person. Don't let your hopes get too high. Let us know how it went

 

[LivingToLong]

My partner told me I was "too clever" to ctb. That ended that conversation. I don't speak of it to them now.

Yes, you have to accept that you may not get a response that helps if you decide to talk to someone. I guess it's a subject that scares some people, they don't know what to say and/or they don't want to talk about it. In honesty, that's why I find this forum helps me. I may well be effectively talking to no one, or myself, but I feel unburdened for sharing here anyway. It may not be perfect but it helps.

There are people who care and can help, finding them is not so easy. It seems even the professionals, whose job it is, sometimes are of no help. Maybe they have off days too. I don't know.

 

[Hydrokhoos]

If you're trying to get better often it has to come from within. I've reached and acted out on numerous occasions and I always got sent to the hospital (speaking on how it was when I was still legally a child).

I'm not really looking for someone to help me or try to fix me, I'm just hoping they'll cut me some slack while I do try to work on myself. My biggest fear is that they'll lose respect for me and tell me I'm not cut out for my chosen career.

I'm sorry things were so bad when you tried to reach out and help, that really sounds awful.

Yes, you have to accept that you may not get a response that helps if you decide to talk to someone. I guess it's a subject that scares some people, they don't know what to say and/or they don't want to talk about it. In honesty, that's why I find this forum helps me. I may well be effectively talking to no one, or myself, but I feel unburdened for sharing here anyway. It may not be perfect but it helps.

I agree 100%. I think anti-suicide helplines have conditioned people to say specific things and that we just need to get help, then they can wash their hands of it and feel like they did the right thing. I think if people just spoke from the heart and with a little bit of empathy it would be much more beneficial than the same, tired responses we always get.

 

[BrokenAngel8]

I've been reaching out every single time I have the urge to ctb, whether it was with full preparation or just impulse. Thankfully I only have small circle of friends and after going through shitty mental condition for years, I figure out how each of them would react. None of them would cut me off. But I learn that 2 of them are strong pro-choice with history of severe mental problem as well, so I tend to reach out to them first. Their response would be like, "have you think carefully about this? What was the trigger? If you are determined I cannot interfere because I am not you, no one can save you including me, but if you still around after office hour, let's meet up and drink."

I reached out when my plan was a cry of help. On my failed attempt few years ago, I didnt reach out prior to ctb, but I did afterwards to the hospital. This time, I also plan things carefully, and I tried to spend times with my friends and not telling them anything about this. Oh, I told one of them. He's now just trying to savor any moments he can have with me. He's not trying to save me anymore, he's just saying "I'm gonna miss you" quite a lot. Shouldn't tell anyone if you're already 100% with your decision and even if you weren't and half of the suicide ideation were a desperate cry of help, carefully choose who you are talking to.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

Only to my family which didn't help much. My colleagues happen to be pro-lifers so that's out of the question.

 

[BlueWidow]

Yes, as others are saying, just be very careful. I think many of us on here have learned the hard way what happens when you are too honest with people. Good luck.

 

[Death Standing]

I'm not really looking for someone to help me or try to fix me, I'm just hoping they'll cut me some slack while I do try to work on myself. My biggest fear is that they'll lose respect for me and tell me I'm not cut out for my chosen career.

I'm sorry things were so bad when you tried to reach out and help, that really sounds awful.

I agree 100%. I think anti-suicide helplines have conditioned people to say specific things and that we just need to get help, then they can wash their hands of it and feel like they did the right thing. I think if people just spoke from the heart and with a little bit of empathy it would be much more beneficial than the same, tired responses we always get.

I respect the fact that you still have the fight to try and work on yourself. That takes quite a lot.

And yeah it was terrible. I've been to the ER 5 times and was sent inpatient twice. Keep in mind I was sent because of suicidiation. If you want to find an actual hell on Earth there is no closer a place than a youth inpatient facility. It was mostly due to the other kids. You go there to get more stable mentally but in my experience I got worse.

One of the reasons was that there was one kid who was always trying to fight me. One time he wanted to play me in chess (which I beat him at) and he took the chess board and threw it at me, hitting me square in the cheek. My roommate also told me that he planned to strangle me in my sleep one morning. Yes, I may have wanted to die but that is not how I wished to go out. And everyday someone tried to find a way to kill themselves or someone else. Anytime we had social time and the "guards were away" everyone talked about cutting and how to sneak a pencil into your room.

I don't have fears but as a young teen having been there twice I can absolutely state that the place I went was hell. But it's where you go when you're young and no one knows how to help you. That's why I don't really open up to many people anymore. Got out of having to go 3 times by getting real good at lying about how I feel when the doctor came for the eval in the ER.

My experience on opening up ⇧

Yes, as others are saying, just be very careful. I think many of us on here have learned the hard way what happens when you are too honest with people. Good luck.

Too true

 

[Susannah]

I tried to reach out once, not crying for help, but I asked my family (some "friends") to give me slack. I wanted to be alone for a while, didn't have energy to help everybody all the time. For once in my life I said no to my mother (she's crazy). It was actually my psychiatrist who told me to set limits. That I needed to take care of myself for a while, instead of spending my life taking care of everybody else.

The result: My "friends" and my mother got me locked up in the psych ward. So I'll never do that again. The only people I talk to are at this forum.

 

[Hydrokhoos]

I tried to reach out once, not crying for help, but I asked my family (some "friends") to give me slack. I wanted to be alone for a while, didn't have energy to help everybody all the time. For once in my life I said no to my mother (she's crazy). It was actually my psychiatrist who told me to set limits. That I needed to take care of myself for a while, instead of spending my life taking care of everybody else.

The result: My "friends" and my mother got me locked up in the psych ward. So I'll never do that again. The only people I talk to are at this forum.

Thanks for sharing. This is exactly what I want to do and the exact response I'm afraid of.

 

[NeCkDeEp]

I do and I completely regret this, being honest to my closest friend about how suicidal I am made me promise her to look for help.
I went to the walk in center and ER for my suicidal thoughts (I wasn't registered yet by the GP because I barely go to the doctor and moved 3 months ago) and despite confessing to the ER 'I can't guarantee that I will be alive for many weeks.'
They sent me home with numbers from suicidal hotlines and advised me to register myself at the GP.
I did and there's a fucking waiting list of 2 weeks before you can make an appointment with a doctor???? So I'm literally stuck and forced to live because I promised my friend to seek help before ctb, yeah I wouldn't advise this.

 

[BPD Barbie]

It's always a mixed bag of responses when reaching out to people, in my experience anyway. I've yet to find someone genuinely empathetic.
Typically you get the generic 'I'm here if you need me' and when you do need them they aren't there, they're busy etc. Or 'you've got so many reasons to live, your life isn't that bad, what would X think or Y do without you'. In person, I've yet to have someone actually listen to me and take time to give a thoughtful and meaningful response, so I just stopped reaching out and when people ask how I am, I'm just fine.

 

[LivingToLong]

My partner told me I was "too clever" to ctb. That ended that conversation. I don't speak of it to them now.

I mentioned it again, broadly but not specifically, with reference to Dignitas/Pegaos and assisted death etc. Their response? "Why don't you just leave me now and let me get on with my life"

Wow. And I'm the selfish one. It's not like I talk of suicide every waking hour.

 

[pole]

if you feel and sense that they are understanding, do it. i've opened up to three people about my mental health irl, and it went amazing; sad part was each one of them were suffering and in pain because of their own problems as well. goes to show everyone's gone through or is going through things in life.

 

[Hydrokhoos]

I mentioned it again, broadly but not specifically, with reference to Dignitas/Pegaos and assisted death etc. Their response? "Why don't you just leave me now and let me get on with my life"

Wow. And I'm the selfish one. It's not like I talk of suicide every waking hour.

Damn, I'm sorry that does seem a little extreme if it's only your second time bringing it up. I chickened out and didn't bring it up, but I have another chance soon. I'm still on the fence about it.

 

[SneekUponIt]

Ime, you can't do that without getting punished for opening up. I opened up to the closest person in my life about it before I did a CTB and it was seen as a selfish cry for help, and the help thereafter was to lock me up in a psyche ward for two weeks. It didn't make my mind feel better once I admitted to a Dr. that I had no purpose in life (i.e. I don't see the point of existing in modern life; I don't get satisfaction out of capitalism), to have it re-affirmed in my brain by getting my rights taken away and to be drugged on neuroleptics.

My 'concerned' support team, I concluded, was only concerned about their own ineffable thoughts about someone not getting a true feeling of existence out of materialistic pursuits; that must be a hard truth to reconcile that someone doesn't enjoy living in a capitalistic every homosapien for themselves type of society. I had to fake that I was feeling better at the prospect of having my rights taken away, and I put on 'the contented mask', to get out of there in two weeks.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

I got the cops called on me and then I was outed for being suicidal in front of all my roommates. It was funny because when the cops came I had my full bottle of n on me and I lied straight to their face about how I don't have a method. I wasn't dragged off to inpatient. When I confronted my mom about it she tried to tell me that she knew i wouldn't be taken in. "I'm to smart to have been taken away"
Ya ok mom. That's the last time I EVER try to open up to her about anything going on w my mental health. Lesson fucking learned

Edited to add: I also told my best friend and while she wishes it wasn't so, she hasn't called the cops or told anybody.

 

[BabyYoda]

Yes. It went to TOTAL shit. I made a thread about the whole story so you might wanna check it out.

I'm still badly hurt from that incident. I would rather not be helped at all than allow someone to help me and do a 180 degree turn by name calling me if I do not make progress. Now I refuse to open up to anyone other than certified professionals and those on this forum. The burden on me is too heavy but I have to lift it by myself.
Yes. It went to TOTAL shit. I made a thread about the whole story so you might wanna check it out.

I'm still badly hurt from that incident. I would rather not be helped at all than allow someone to help me and do a 180 degree turn by name calling me if I do not make progress. Now I refuse to open up to anyone other than certified professionals and those on this forum. The burden on me is too heavy but I have to lift it by myself.

 

[Deformationalplagio]

Yes and they dont get it. Total waste of time they dont know how it feels to be suicidal