TooMuchToBear
Student
- Jan 3, 2021
- 121
Hi all,
My meto arrived today so I finally have all I need to catch the bus, It's kind of a relief. I tested it and have no side effect.
The most difficult now will be to summon the mental and emotional energy to write goodbye letters to my loved ones. All the more because I think there will be quite a few. I hope the writing will be peaceful and not trigger so much guilt it would prevent me to go on.
For the rest, I'll try to clean and get rid of stuff but as many of you probably know, depression and anxiety make everything seem like an enormous effort, so I'm dreading it as well.
The ideal moment of the year to leave would be end of this month but I am not sure I'll be done with all that. If not, then mid March is also a deadline option.
I am very lucky to have a peaceful method (N), I just don't know if I'll bother testing it (from what I've gathered here it should be legit). Also dreading the taste a bit, maybe I should get some mouthwash, not sure.
As I weigh 53kg, 1 bottle should do but if I manage to drink the other one, it could be an extra guarantee.
Strange mix of feelings today.
If I manage to ctb, I hope to return 'home', a space of harmony and inconditional love. And I hope I'll be greeted with compassionate understanding for the fact that I no longer was willing to fight the draining battle that life had been feeling like for far too long. And of course I hope I won't be forced to go back to earth haha, I'd rather turn into some benevolent force watching and guiding humans on their way to experience and create love. If the higher realm lets me to :-)
My meto arrived today so I finally have all I need to catch the bus, It's kind of a relief. I tested it and have no side effect.
The most difficult now will be to summon the mental and emotional energy to write goodbye letters to my loved ones. All the more because I think there will be quite a few. I hope the writing will be peaceful and not trigger so much guilt it would prevent me to go on.
For the rest, I'll try to clean and get rid of stuff but as many of you probably know, depression and anxiety make everything seem like an enormous effort, so I'm dreading it as well.
The ideal moment of the year to leave would be end of this month but I am not sure I'll be done with all that. If not, then mid March is also a deadline option.
I am very lucky to have a peaceful method (N), I just don't know if I'll bother testing it (from what I've gathered here it should be legit). Also dreading the taste a bit, maybe I should get some mouthwash, not sure.
As I weigh 53kg, 1 bottle should do but if I manage to drink the other one, it could be an extra guarantee.
Strange mix of feelings today.
If I manage to ctb, I hope to return 'home', a space of harmony and inconditional love. And I hope I'll be greeted with compassionate understanding for the fact that I no longer was willing to fight the draining battle that life had been feeling like for far too long. And of course I hope I won't be forced to go back to earth haha, I'd rather turn into some benevolent force watching and guiding humans on their way to experience and create love. If the higher realm lets me to :-)
