Venting Hating themselves

[Ramirez]

Does anyone just hate themselves when they look back at how they behaved just a few months earlier? I have bpd and my self image changes so much I look back to messages I wrote just some months ago and I'm like "God. Fucking obnoxious."
It's like I'm another person a few months later just hating myself for the dumb shit I said or did. It's weird..

 

[Beachedwhale]

Yes I used to. Constantly regretting
, "why did I say that". But now I see what I needed to do to prevent all of that and prevent getting to this point, so now all I can think of constantly is the regret. "I needed to do x, y years ago... I needed to not do a b years ago."... I needed to not take that fucking antidepressant a few months ago.. Does that count?

 

[Ramirez]

Yes I used to. Constantly regretting
, "why did I say that". But now I see what I needed to do to prevent all of that and prevent getting to this point, so now all I can think of constantly is the regret. "I needed to do x, y years ago... I needed to not do a b years ago."... I needed to not take that fucking antidepressant a few months ago.. Does that count?

That counts . I'm abit emotional and have actually noone left to really tell it to. I'm just so hurtful at times. I dont mean to hurt people but it just fucking happens. I dont k ow who I am. I know I'm hurtful. I cant fucking live like this.

 

[Pisceslilith]

I'm embarrassed of my whole entire existence.

 

[Beachedwhale]

That counts . I'm abit emotional and have actually noone left to really tell it to. I'm just so hurtful at times. I dont mean to hurt people but it just fucking happens. I dont k ow who I am. I know I'm hurtful. I cant fucking live like this.

I had read elsewhere that you have BPD...have you Been diagnosed with it? If that's the case do you have access to therapy? Apparently bpd can be a result of childhood trauma.

 

[Rayzieka]

Sure do wish I did a lot of things differently. Maybe hid a few things harder and never admitted to anything.

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, we are cursed with never being able to forget anything. Regret can exhausting to deal with. I wish I was never born really.