Venting Hating myself

[greatgooglymoogly]

Man I'm just so tired. I like life and people I guess, but I hate myself. I've been having really severe mood swings lately but no matter which way I'm swinging I always want to hurt myself, at the very least. At my "worst" I want to actually successfully kill myself, and at my "best" I want to try my hardest, and survive if that's how it has to shake out.

I know surviving would suck and it probably sounds like I'm being flippant and wanting attention, but that's actually the last thing I want. I do not want attention from anyone anymore. I've never had that kind of attention and I don't want it and I think it's too late for it. If I don't die I don't want to talk to anyone about it. If I couldn't talk to anyone about my problems before I won't be strong enough to do it after I permanently traumatize/injure myself.

Sometimes I feel like what I want is like a rebirth. I don't hate life but I feel like I messed mine up somehow by wasting all the time I have so far. I love one person and I wish I had never met her so I could feel free to just move and wipe my slate clean. I don't care what happens or if things get better or worse I just feel like something has to happen me so I can end this stupid shitty milquetoast life I'm making

 

[ADeadBunny]

Preach. This is about how I feel going through daily life. On one hand it's too late for me and I need to just go ahead and die because life is hell. On the other hand what if I turn out pretty in a couple of years and manage to have a genuine relationship with someone.

But what I really want is to start over. I want a new body and a new soul. I want to die and become someone else entirely. Someone who wasn't born into a family that hates them. Someone who wasn't born with one of the worlds cruelest handicaps. Someone who can love themself.

I hope you find a way out of your suffering friend. I know exactly how much it hurts.

 

[greatgooglymoogly]

Preach. This is about how I feel going through daily life. On one hand it's too late for me and I need to just go ahead and die because life is hell. On the other hand what if I turn out pretty in a couple of years and manage to have a genuine relationship with someone.

But what I really want is to start over. I want a new body and a new soul. I want to die and become someone else entirely. Someone who wasn't born into a family that hates them. Someone who wasn't born with one of the worlds cruelest handicaps. Someone who can love themselves.

I hope you find a way out of your suffering friend. I know exactly how much it hurts.

Thank you. It is crazy even imagining what it would be like to be reborn because like you said, I guess what I would want is a new soul and that would just make me not me… trippy