Venting Hating my life and trying to be around for a while until I can CTB successfully.

[-FrozenRobot-]

I really hate being here with the people around me. As I've mentioned in my previous posts, I really love life BUT just not this one I'm currently living. I absolutely hate it and I've decided to end it before it gets too much. I have started saving up to buy good quality SN and Anti emetics. Plus if I fail in my attempt my parents are threatening me that they'll relocate far away. So I must get it right this time. I have no option left. My peers are calling me a moody ***** for being a person with bi polar and I'm usually quiet around people so they keep asking me why I'm so weird. It's really tough living like that. I've figured out how my future would look and I don't want to live to see it. I know it's going to be really horrible. Sometimes I think of stupid things like jumping out of the building and I'm scared I might do it one day. It's getting harder every single day. I just want to leave this world peacefully. I don't have another chance to CTB. I get only one. I need something that'll work for sure. I've tried partial hanging and I was saved too soon (It was actually successful...if I wasn't saved, I wouldn't be here today) My next try is SN. I really wish my SN from IC is pure and works magic on me. Heh, Let me get to a better place.
I also want to know if SN from IC is really pure because I read a post saying that their stuff from IC didn't work. So if you have any idea...help me out there.
Thanks in advance.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that it has come to this point for you. I know what it is like having dread for the future and I know that it is hard to carry on when life just get worse. Some people really are so cruel. I do not know much about SN personally, but I understand having the fear of failing ctb, it is what holds me back personally from attempting. I hope that you find relief from your suffering in whatever happens.

 

[Sammie]

If you love life, then you should embrace that and figure out how to fix your current situation. Why would you want to ctb as someone who loves life? I hate life and everything about it, though I am trying to stick around for those who are close to me. I wish to love life, I am just "tired and over it." I really do feel for your suffering, I hope you will be able to embrace what you love.