Has this forum changed certain views of you or even the whole world view?

[noname223]

I am not sure on my case. It is such a long time since I am a member of this forum.

I always was in favor of assisted suicide. I think the first time I was hesitant to use the abbreviation ctb. It did not feel right to use such an abbreviation for such an existential decision. However when I explored my own suicidality I also recognized that the whole ruminating about suicide is absurd in a certain way. I think about it on a daily basis, I spend a lot of time into it, sometimes it even feels like wasted time, sometimes it feels self-absorb and insular. However it is for sure a part of me.

These thoughts accompany me since such a long time. My first suicidal ideation started when I was 15. If I live another decade there will probably be more days when I thought about suicide than days without these thoughts. I am analyzing my whole life, decisions, likelihood etc.
I try to look at it from different angles. Many things I experience feel very cyncial for me. Because the whole game is so fucking rigged against me and I barely have a chance for an acceptable outcome. Especially this cynicism was a reason why I joked a lot during my most nightmarish time/ when I was acute suicidal in the clinic. Sometimes irony can be comforting and feel a little bit like catharsis. Humor can take the edges of pain. Sometimes emotions/ feelings can be paradoxical. Some people laugh at funerals despite the fact they are grieving a lot.

I cannot really say whether it changed my opinions in certain ways. I cannot remember the differences when I was no member.
Maybe it surprised me because many topics which are here discussed are also on my mind. Especially the things I ruminate about are similar to the contemplation in this forums. Like the fear of poverty or hurting loved ones. I think here in this forum there are many people with really horrible lives. People who are homeless or they have nightmarish health conditions. So I am a little bit more humble because I know I am not the only one with a shitty life who suffers on a daily basis.

When I read stories in this forum I might be reinforced in antinatalism. But I am still sceptical whether antinatalism can really solve our problems. The practical implementation seems for me close to impossible.

I think I have learned about other cultures in this forum. It is interesting to look beyond borders and to leave the German insular cosmos. Not sure whether one understands that in English.

One thing to add this forum motivated me to listen more to Lil Peep and Juice WRLD. And I really started to love them.

I think when one visits this forum often one can really see into the abyss. And realize how much pain and injustice there is in this world. Life is often very unfair. And I feel very sorry for all the people who suffer so much. For example culprits of crimes seem to get away with their action way too often without a just punishment. And the victims of these crimes are broken people.

 

[jodes2]

I don't really think this forum has changed any major worldviews of mine. But I am amazed how nice people are to each other compared to elsewhere. It's like black and white, quite remarkable. Love SS all you poor lovely souls

 

[Lost Magic]

My worldviews are the same but reinforced by being a member of this community. I see my life getting worse (especially as I get older with little support). However, I still (maybe naively) wish that society would become more united and loving. Hatred, greed and division is just destroying the lives of so many people, animals and the natural world. I wish nobody had to feel like they have to leave their bodies(prematurely), but I know that there are plenty of reasons why they feel that need. Much love to you all X

 

[FuneralCry]

No, and why would it. This forum has never changed anything, words on the internet will always be so empty and meaningless to me. I've always despised life and found comfort in death. Nothing could ever change my views, any positive views towards life certainly are a delusion, they don't reflect the reality of this existence. All of the endless suffering and cruelty that continues to exist in this world is undeniable so therefore wishing to leave this life behind is perfectly rational, it makes sense for me to free myself from this horrific world. The way that I see life is the reality, it's the truth rather than being a 'worldview'. Also, antinatalism is the solution for human suffering.

 

[Chinaski]

any positive views towards life certainly are a delusion

If only others could see this undisputable truth, they would all kill themselves immediately and deliver the ultimate pleasure of non-existence unto themselves (except for me, I'm too scared)

 

[Dead Ghost]

The worst deception is the one that one makes to oneself.... I have lived long enough to know how hard it is not to oppose every "reality", "truth", that demolishes our most cherished convictions.

For the moment, for me, this website has offered me more knowledge of the world that surrounds me in its most hidden side... it has not made me change my mind (for the moment) but it has made me realize that I am not as alone as I thought I was.

//

El pitjor engany és el que un és fa a si mateix... Ja he viscut prou per saber com costa no oposar-se a cada "realitat", "veritat" que ens llença per terra les nostres conviccions més aferrades.

De moment, a mi, aquest web m'ha ofert més coneixement del món que m'envolta en la seva vessant més oculta.. no m'ha fet pas cambiar d'opinió (de moment) però si adonar-me que no estic pas tan sol com em pensava.

 

[FuneralCry]

If only others could see this undisputable truth, they would all kill themselves immediately and deliver the ultimate pleasure of non-existence unto themselves (except for me, I'm too scared)

It's not funny trolling this forum again. Some people on here are actually suffering and the suffering that exists in this world is very real. This is a forum for suicidal people to vent after all. Leaving this world is not as straightforward as immediately just ending our own lives, people should stop pretending that it's easy, only people who are not suicidal themselves would say things like that.

 

[Chinaski]

I appreciate that someone who finds something as harmless as *sense of humour* to be offensive may see everything they dislike as "trolling" but at no point have l trolled this forum. Disagreeing with adolescent death-cult positions which are copypasted across every third thread and trolling are two very different things - if you're going to insist on putting forward the absolutist notion that death is absolutely wonderful and anyone thinking that not everything about being alive is truly horrible is "delusional" you should probably expect that not everyone is going to agree.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's a shame that there are arrogant people on here who insult others who wish to vent about their suffering and hate life, I've seen people doing that a few times. It's ridiculous and irritating how arrogant people can be and how they like to think that they are superior to others. Like if someone is going to call hating life a 'death cult' then they must be a pro lifer. That is the type of nonsense that pro lifers come out with when they wish to deny people the right to die. It seems like nowhere in this world is free from those types of people, not even this website.

Life is objectively horrifying and that is the truth and I don't get why people come on here with the purpose of making other people feel worse, there is already enough suffering in this world without this. It's a suicide forum after all for people to post about wanting to die. Like if people see life as having 'value' or whatever, then they should just go and enjoy life and not insult others for having a more realistic perspective on life. Some people in this world actually want to die, and it seems like everywhere suicidal people are treated badly even on here. Pro lifers are certainly irritating.

 

[Chinaski]

. Like if someone is going to call hating life a 'death cult' then they must be a pro lifer.

For a start that's not what l said and secondly, no it doesn't. You do this often, point out things which are trolling (usually just folk who disagree with you), label people as "pro lifers" (again, for simply disagreeing with you), talk about users in a negative and derogatory way without having the courage to full-throatedly say their names as you try to stir a playground mentality of hive minds into collectively ostracising anyone who points out that humour is not a bad thing, or that some things in life are actually quite nice, even if they're not enough to save one from suicide. You also draw the line as to who is or is not experiencing suicidality along your own individual criteria as you repeatedly set out guidelines as to who is in and who is out on this forum. It's manipulative imo and I for one am not comfortable with it. It's not trolling or pro-lifing to disagree with your infantile take, which you seemingly post ten times a day, and l doubt I'm the only one who takes this view.

I do realise that there is a history of strong disciplinary measures meted out on those who simply find disagreement in your labelling of people who don't kill themselves as "delusional" so for the avoidance of any confusion upon the inevitable hammering of the report button l make clear here that my disagreement with this repetitive take of yours is not personal, l hold nothing against you as an individual (indeed l wish you the best, whatever happens) however l do think you perhaps should not seek to label those who disagree with your position to be pro-life trolls in an attempt to impose your own playground entry criteria.

 

[FuneralCry]

Nothing that I have ever written on this forum is 'manipulative', in any way, that is a lie. I've only ever been kind to other people and also just posted about the reality of existing, none of this is offensive in any way. If I've ever criticised what someone else has written on here, it's been justified and it's been because the content is harmful or invalidating in someway. I mean after all it's a suicide forum where a lot of people are suffering but I don't go onto every positive offtopic or recovery thread and tell people 'your views are wrong, and life is only suffering' and things like that. I respect the fact that people have different life experiences.

If people post about death cults on the forum then of course that is going to sound suspicious and after all I'm pretty sure some pro life article about this site referred to the forum as that and the content of those articles are nonsense. If people complain about my posts then they will always be wrong but at least I try to be kind to others. (Unlike some people on here who only post to complain about other people) It's disrespectful to try and make people look bad when they have done nothing wrong, that type of behaviour comes across as bullying to me.

 

[Chinaski]

Not especially interested in further back and forth here but if the fact l used the phrase "death cult" about some of your individual content tenuously links me somehow to the NYT article or whatever, well, tbh this kind of proves rather than disproves my point - fwiw the whole "we here truly understand that death is great and anyone who finds literally anything vaguely humourous is delusional, agree or I'll brand you a pro-life troll" schtick is cultish rhetoric. The fact that you quite regularly describe people as either trolls or pro lifers when they disagree with you remains, it probably should be reeled in a bit tbf.

 

[Chinaski]

It's disrespectful to try and make people look bad when they have done nothing wrong, that type of behaviour comes across as bullying to me.

Having just seen this edit I'm going to add here that cry-bullying, for example stirring up the crowd by othering someone you personally dislike as an outsider who must be ostracised whilst simultaneously acting as if you have been hard done to, is also bullying, and is the most common form of bullying I've seen on this forum.

 

[rationaltake]

It's a shame that there are arrogant people on here. It's ridiculous and irritating how arrogant people can be and how they like to think that they are superior to others.

Indeed. Just look at this.

If people complain about my posts then they will always be wrong.

How arrogant is that?

I mean after all it's a suicide forum.

Last time I looked it wasn't a pro-death forum. Or is being pro-choice just a front?

 

[FuneralCry]

Last time I looked it wasn't a pro-death forum. Or is being pro-choice just a front?

You have no idea as to what you are talking about. Clearly you don't know what those terms even mean. Venting about my hatred for life and seeing the world for what it really is doesn't mean 'pro death'. I personally hate life but if other people want to live then that's nothing to do with me. I respect their choice. I mean I always post about suicide being a personal decision.

The arrogant one is the bully who has insulted many people on this forum, many suicidal people who are suffering and just want to vent about what they are going through. They post nonsense. And yet you like all of their posts. It's not arrogant for me to believe that bullying is wrong, bullying is one of the many things that reminds of me of why I wish to ctb so much in the first place.

But if you have a problem with people posting about suicide then maybe you are on the wrong site. That's kinda what the site is for. And it's so nice that you bumped this thread just to insult me. My posts are never wrong as the suffering in this world is simply undeniable. So many living beings in this world are being tortured right now, so to point that out is not 'pro death'. If people continue to deny the reality of this existence then it will just cause them to suffer more in the end.
But I wish you the best.

 

[niiina]

No, it made even better, it gave me the information I needed to stop my pain and despair, I wouldn't know what to do and I'd be trapped in my own hell without it
I'm really grateful

 

[Chinaski]

I respect their choice.

And yet you repeatedly call them delusional for doing so - a search of posts authored by you calling non-suicidal people "delusional" brings up a whopping 7 pages worth of posts.

The arrogant one is the bully who has insulted many people on this forum, many suicidal people who are suffering and just want to vent about what they are going through. They post nonsense. And yet you like all of their posts. It's not arrogant for me to believe that bullying is wrong, bullying is one of the many things that reminds of me of why I wish to ctb so much in the first place.

Sorry l don't know who you're talking about here, perhaps you should be more direct and perhaps illustrate what you consider to be "bullying", l strongly suspect whoever it is you are referring to simply disagreed with your absolutist position and no actual bullying was involved.

 

[rationaltake]

The arrogant one is the bully who has insulted many people on this forum, many suicidal people who are suffering and just want to vent about what they are going through. They post nonsense. And yet you like all of their posts. It's not arrogant for me to believe that bullying is wrong, bullying is one of the many things that reminds of me of why I wish to ctb so much in the first place.

If you want to accuse somebody of bullying you need to give concrete examples instead of vague unsubstantiated accusations. You also need to name the member you are referring to.

You should remember that bullying is a very serious accusation and not one to be made lightly.

Basically you're accusing somebody of bullying but not naming the person concerned nor giving any examples of what they have posted. What kind of mind-game is that? What are you trying to achieve with your comments?

 

[Rapière]

What kind of mind-game is that? What are you trying to achieve with your comments?

Publicly accusing somrone of a rule-violation, instead of contacting the mods, is itself a violation of the site's rules. She's playing the victim card, using other suicidal people as a proxy, without wanting to be held accountable.

 

[makethepainstop]

I am not sure on my case. It is such a long time since I am a member of this forum.

I always was in favor of assisted suicide. I think the first time I was hesitant to use the abbreviation ctb. It did not feel right to use such an abbreviation for such an existential decision. However when I explored my own suicidality I also recognized that the whole ruminating about suicide is absurd in a certain way. I think about it on a daily basis, I spend a lot of time into it, sometimes it even feels like wasted time, sometimes it feels self-absorb and insular. However it is for sure a part of me.

These thoughts accompany me since such a long time. My first suicidal ideation started when I was 15. If I live another decade there will probably be more days when I thought about suicide than days without these thoughts. I am analyzing my whole life, decisions, likelihood etc.
I try to look at it from different angles. Many things I experience feel very cyncial for me. Because the whole game is so fucking rigged against me and I barely have a chance for an acceptable outcome. Especially this cynicism was a reason why I joked a lot during my most nightmarish time/ when I was acute suicidal in the clinic. Sometimes irony can be comforting and feel a little bit like catharsis. Humor can take the edges of pain. Sometimes emotions/ feelings can be paradoxical. Some people laugh at funerals despite the fact they are grieving a lot.

I cannot really say whether it changed my opinions in certain ways. I cannot remember the differences when I was no member.
Maybe it surprised me because many topics which are here discussed are also on my mind. Especially the things I ruminate about are similar to the contemplation in this forums. Like the fear of poverty or hurting loved ones. I think here in this forum there are many people with really horrible lives. People who are homeless or they have nightmarish health conditions. So I am a little bit more humble because I know I am not the only one with a shitty life who suffers on a daily basis.

When I read stories in this forum I might be reinforced in antinatalism. But I am still sceptical whether antinatalism can really solve our problems. The practical implementation seems for me close to impossible.

I think I have learned about other cultures in this forum. It is interesting to look beyond borders and to leave the German insular cosmos. Not sure whether one understands that in English.

One thing to add this forum motivated me to listen more to Lil Peep and Juice WRLD. And I really started to love them.

I think when one visits this forum often one can really see into the abyss. And realize how much pain and injustice there is in this world. Life is often very unfair. And I feel very sorry for all the people who suffer so much. For example culprits of crimes seem to get away with their action way too often without a just punishment. And the victims of these crimes are broken people.

This forum has made me super aware of busybodies, do-gooders, and their toadies wanting to control everyone else's life.

 

[rationaltake]

Publicly accusing somrone of a rule-violation, instead of contacting the mods, is itself a violation of the site's rules. She's playing the victim card, using other suicidal people as a proxy, without wanting to be held accountable.

Spot-on.

 

[9BBN]

Nothing could ever change my views, any positive views towards life certainly are a delusion

If people complain about my posts then they will always be wrong

It's ridiculous and irritating how arrogant people can be and how they like to think that they are superior to others. Like if someone is going to call hating life a 'death cult' then they must be a pro lifer.

Nobody is calling hating life a death cult. You consistently underplay what you actually said. Saying that any positive views toward life are "certainly" a delusion is arrogant and much more than just hating life.

Would it not be invalidating and arrogant to you if someone told you they think all your suicidal thoughts are certainly a delusion? Hold yourself to the same standard.

 

[FuneralCry]

Sorry that my posts will never meet the incredibly high posting standards of some on here. This is meant to be a place for suicidal people to be able to openly discuss these subjects and vent without being insulted and being made to feel worse. I am always respectful to the people on here but of course I'm not going to appreciate having my feelings towards life dismissed in that way.

The truth is that it's possible to both respect the decisions of others to live and also see it as being delusional at the same time. I don't have any problem with people wishing to live but it doesn't mean that it's the most rational choice though. There is no such thing really as 'recovering' from suicidal thoughts, and despite what pro life people often say, wanting suicide can be a rational response to seeing the world for what it really is. It's irrational to want to endure endless inevitable problems, trapped in the prison that is the human body then just to deteriorate from very old age, but of course if people wish to go through all that then I respect their decision.

It's horrific how life evolved in a way in which so much extreme suffering exists and the unpredictable nature of life with the fact that everything is determined by chance means that anyone could end up in a situation so awful with no limit as to how unbearable the person suffers. To see life as being positive means to be in denial and the delusional people who wish to deny others the option of a peaceful exit really are insane. What really is the benefit to endless suffering and problems which are an inevitable consequence of life. We will all lose everything eventually and the removal of something a person views as positive will inevitably lead to more pain.

Life itself is the true problem, and life should not be glorified or admired in any way. It feels wrong to do that. There is nothing wrong with saying that positive views are a delusion, in fact it makes sense and yet even on this forum people seem to have a problem with this, despite the fact that they seemingly want to die. If it weren't for so many delusional people in this world maybe our right to die would be respected and we wouldn't have to struggle so much in leaving this world behind.

It seems like people are determined to make this forum just like everywhere in this world, in a world filled with pro lifers and so much unnecessary value being placed on life. The truth is that, if life was so great then why would so many people wish to leave it behind.

And the bullying is referring to an user who seems to have no empathy for suicidal people and I've seen that on a number of occasions throughout the forum. They were very harsh and aggressive to those that personally wished to die from cancer instead of suicide and has mocked others posting styles on occasion among other things. I understand people wanting to defend their favourite user, I get that some people on this forum have like a 'celebrity' status, but I wouldn't be saying those things for nothing.

There is no mind games or anything like that and I'm not disrespecting those who wish to live, I respect their choice to carry on, it's up to them. It's just that I personally see no benefit to suffering and suffering is simply inevitable in life. The pain that exists in this world is very real and continuing to deny and dismiss this just feeds into the views of the pro lifers who wish to remove sites like this.

 

[Chinaski]

And the bullying is referring to an user who seems to have no empathy for suicidal people and I've seen that on a number of occasions throughout the forum. They were very harsh and aggressive to those that personally wished to die from cancer instead of suicide

I'm assuming you are referring to the posts l made such as the one linked below, where l describe how l am presently providing end of life care to someone l dearly love who is presently dying from cancer. If this is the best example you have of bullying you should probably pipe down, this is grossly manipulative drivel of the Motel Rooms variety and you are revealing much more about yourself here than you are revealing about me.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/posts/1753679/

 

[rationaltake]

Sorry that my posts will never meet the incredibly high posting standards of some on here.

If you're referring to Chinaski then you're absolutely right. His posts are full of wit humanity and downright good sense. Your posts are not in the same league and could never compete on any level.

 

[Domimi]

Nobody is calling hating life a death cult. You consistently underplay what you actually said. Saying that any positive views toward life are "certainly" a delusion is arrogant and much more than just hating life.

Would it not be invalidating and arrogant to you if someone told you they think all your suicidal thoughts are certainly a delusion? Hold yourself to the same standard.

I can understand people that say that their life has been a positive experience >>currently<<. But to state that life - in general, encompassing everyone and everything - is somewhat positive then you have to be SEVERELY delusional imo. To do that is to downplay the intensity of suffering that is experienced daily in our world since sentient life emerged. They are not being arrogant, they are just stating facts.

 

[Chinaski]

But to state that life - in general, encompassing everyone and everything - is somewhat positive then you have to be SEVERELY delusional imo.

That's not what they said though, on this occasion or the numerous others (even so, people can only truly say this about their own lives imo).

If you're referring to Chinaski then you're absolutely right. His posts are full of wit humanity and downright good sense. Your posts are not in the same league and could never compete on any level.

Wow, l wouldn't even say this about myself (we're not alts l swear)

 

[Lonerzepam]

Not everyone who enjoys live are automatically pro live. Most probably are because of their own perspective and view of life if they live a good one but even then they don't have to be pro live if they understand the concept of suicide and for what it is. Like when I was a kid I was absolutely not able to understand the concept of suicide and why someone would actually choose to die. Guess I was a pro lifer back then. But as I grew older I was able to more and more understand the concept of suicide. I mean I was suffering myself back then which probably also had an impact on as to why I understood this concept more and more. Now I am suffering 1000x times more as to back then from my personal perspective but my view on suicide on for what it is hasn't really changed really (although I have to state out that this forum and community has enlightened me even more of the concept of suicide). Like why someone with absolutely "no reason" would want to commit suicide. I'm not trying to defend or offend any of you guys just saying that @FuneralCry has helped me understanding this concept by saying that people can just be tired of living itself without any other major reason to leave this world behind.

So this forum helped alot diving deeper into this whole topic.

But like I said not everyone who enjoys live is automatically a pro lifer. They are just if they want to force those beliefs on other people imo. But I don't think they're delusional if they deny in saying existence itself is pointless and cruel neither. I suffer alot but I don't think that tbh I'm just somewhere in the middle idk. But it's just their and my opinion. And opinions are relative they're not 'wrong' or 'right' in any way they just 'are' and everyone can point out and express what they think about things. But there's no wrong or right in my opinion pun intended lol.

Yeah idk where I'm going with this really I don't wanna push that any further just wanted to state out my 'opinion' (there it is again) to some things and there's nothing wrong about it in doing so.

 

[BruhXDDDDD]

Not really. I'm largely just here for the relatability and entertainment, so I stick to this part of the site and look at nothing else.

 

[Chinaski]

But like I said not everyone who enjoys live is automatically a pro lifer. They are just if they want to force those beliefs on other people imo.

This is correct but is also sadly at odds with much of the content of this website on this issue, which often unhelpfully and imo immaturely takes 'prolifers' to be some huge, homogenous block of Normies, living rent-free in SS members' heads, with the only real qualifying criteria being they're not overtly enthusiastic about suicide.

The reality is that these Dumb Normie Pro Life Cocksuckers can be split into groups and categorised as follows:

1) actual anti-suicide activists, such as your fixers and whoever keeps petitioning redneck senators to ban hardware stores from selling rope and what have you

2) interventionists, as in those who offer treatments for rescue and recovery, suicide hotline types, therapists, general do-gooder sorts - many in this category will very possibly hold pro-euthanasia views fwiw, under certain conditions

3) your average person, who probably doesn't give two fucks about suicide and cares even less about this website but is likely to intervene if they see you about to jump off a bridge or ring an ambulance if they find your unconscious SN-addled body because this is the natural human response to seeing another human about to come to harm

4) people who aren't pro-lifers but have this levelled at them because some manipulative sort didn't like their posts on sanctioned-suicide.net and wanted to whip up a bullshit mob

Essentially, the endless chat about these Pro-Life Assholes covers all these groups, when the reality is only Group 1 are hiding under your beds. Group 2 can generally be avoided given your interaction is mostly voluntary, Group 3 can be avoided quite easily with basic planning. As for Group 4, this is tricky, however some textbook cry-bullying and a judicious use of the report button should see you right. Truth is, the majority of people condemned as Pro Life Motherfuckers don't give the barest, basest fuck either way in reality, and the obsession this website has with discussing all non-suicidal people as mortal enemies is unambiguously ridiculous bullshit.