Has being on ss altered your mindset about ctb?

[WaitingForTheBus]

So I was a bit of a lurker here before I actually became a member. I did read some threads from time to time but was mostly using the resource section.

Since joining and becoming more active within the forums, I felt a slight change in my mindset in regards to ctb. I am a depressive fuck atm. My life seems to be in a constant loop of major depression to just being able to cope. It's a loop I am tired of being in and there is only one way to break it as far as i am concerned.

The thing is, reading some of your stories here, I began to feel as if I really didn't have too much to complain about compared to others. I began to feel as though I had no right to be here bitching about how my life sucks. Are my problems really that bad compared to others, that I really deserve a seat on that bus?

You know, I don't have some terminal illness, was never sexually violated throughout my life, never lost a partner/child to illness. I am just fucking constantly depressed, which I know will improve in time, only to be repeated again.

I still intend to ctb but was curious if anyone else had experienced similar feelings.

 

[Mara]

I am in the same boat as you. Only been on for 1 day. Even though I haven't been thru extreme difficulties, having to cycle over and over again at my failures makes me depressed. One step forward and then 10 steps back. It never seems to get better. Signing up and trying to socialize on this forum is difficult for me. Lonely is an understatement. I will too proceed to ctb soon.

 

[WaitingForTheBus]

Welcome aboard Mara. It's like one big family in here, we all have a common goal. I hope that when the time comes, you have a peaceful journey.

 

[TAW122]

My life has been pretty shitty most of the time, and I don't think ss has changed my view on wanting to ctb. In fact, it has just reinforced my already existing beliefs that we all need to have an (reliable) exit to this mad, cruel world. Nothing really truly gets better, and even in situations that do, it can easily turn to shit in an instant.

 

[Mara]

Welcome aboard Mara. It's like one big family in here, we all have a common goal. I hope that when the time comes, you have a peaceful journey.

Thanks waitingforthebus!

 

[Schopenhauer]

This place helped me understand other people's motivations much better. It hasn't changed my views, though. I always knew there were many people worse off than me. It's not a factor in my decision.

 

[Jen Erik]

I appreciate knowing the different narratives and life experiences, as it helps me understand people, in general, better, so the life I have left before ctb can be more tolerable to me. But it hasn't altered my mindset about my own situation and what I need to do.

 

[nzdarkshark]

Being apart of this community has taught me so much about people - as weird as it sounds. I've learnt a lot about people in different situations and it's..interesting so say the least.

 

[worldexploder]

It hasn't changed my mind one way or another. I'm set on CTB at some point. That's part of what drew me to this site.

 

[Taylored]

It changed my mindset. It use to be "Do whatever you want as long as you don't break somebodies heart" Now i believe if your truly suffering you have the right to make a decision.

 

[ouvreyes]

I'm in the same boat as you— because of my age, a lot of people here wish they were in my shoes. But I don't think this site has necessarily changed my outlook. Like someone above said, I've always been aware of my privilege. It's also opened my mind a lot to the fact that I'm not alone in believing that suicide shouldn't be the taboo that it is. Wasn't ever really a place where I could express that, but being here showed me that I'm not weird for thinking it.

 

[StillWaiting]

Coming to SS made me more firm about ctb being the only way of this endless loop.
Before suffering from depression, I never understand why would anyone ctb.
Eventually I understand why people would do that,though I still believe that there is still some hope.
After coming to SS, I realized that happy things in life are just mere distraction from the inevitable suffering. I also learnt that some people don't think that way I accept that too.

 

[Donewith_]

I've found this site after I've decided. It has no effect on me.

 

[swanfil]

Everyone's pain is different and while I believe my situation is ongoing agony I also realise there will always be those who have it worse off. What could be unbearable for some could be manageable to another. I'm sure like many ctb was not something I ever really contemplated prior to things going irreversibly wrong but I'm also aware for others it's been part of thier life since the beginning.

I don't feel this forum has changed my desire, if anything it's just helped me towards my goal but am sure like many it's just nice to have a place to possibly unload or just read stories from others who are sadly suffering.

 

[TiredHorse]

Being able to speak openly about ctb has taken a lot of the pressure off. I still know it's the only way out, but I feel less like I'm going to explode. I have two friends I can speak completely openly with IRL, even to discussing practical details of ctb --how rare is that?!-- and they have been invaluable, but in the few days I've been here on ss I've definitely felt an improvement in my quality of life (is that really the right term?).

 

[TheLastTrip]

Sort of.

I was already committed to riding the bus prior to me finding SS, and that has not changed. My plans are already in motion and the bus is waiting for me in January, I have a reserved seat on it and I hid some galaxy chocolate in the pocket on the back of the seat in front, so I am good to go. The one area it did change was having company as I do it.

Prior to finding SS I didn't think there would be anywhere online where you could openly discuss all this and find (possibly) partners to do it with, and I was quite happy to do it all by myself. Now the option exists for company though, then I have kind of latched onto that and can't get it out of my head. Finding a partner is never going to be an easy process, but if I can make it happen prior to my launch date then I would like that.

 

[fuckthis]

No. If anything I have felt worse. I think seeing my online friends die has perpetuated my suicidal thoughts. If anything I should of stayed a lurker, that way it would've made it impossible for me to connect to others the way I do here.

 

[BellaKAT]

It hasn't changed my stance as far as wanting to die, but it's nice to not feel so isolated with these thoughts. Even though I still feel very alone with my suicidal thoughts having a community online is comforting in a way.

 

[Trashcan]

I have always been a firm believer that pain is pain, it doesn't matter if someone has it worse. So I wouldn't say that SS has changed my views.

 

[Threads]

I've been a part of the SS community for over a year now.

The community hasn't changed my mind about my own personal decision to CTB. But it has changed my position a bit. I am far more pro-choice and I don't feel nearly as alone now.

 

[longingforrelease]

finding this site a couple of weeks ago after 2 years of struggling with suicidal ideation has made more real the thing I'm contemplating, given me greater insights into what's really driving me in this direction, given me excellent information about methods that might help me make it look accidental and, perhaps most importantly, showed me that I'm not alone. People here get me and appreciate the struggles I'm engaged in.