20-30 minutes? Really? That's a relief. (although it's still possible for me to be found during that time before the sn kills me because i live with other 'people', my 'parents'. at first I planned to attempt after 'midnight' while my parents are 'sleeping' but my 'mother' wakes up several times and I cant '100%' know they're actually sleeping and not 'awake'. Anyways my room is right next to theirs and they can 'hear' everything pretty 'easily' so it's extremely risky unless the method was completely 'noiseless' which is not... I also 'thought' of doing it a day my parents go out/leave the house [which is 'rare' because of the 'restrictions', which by the way dont """aFfEcT"""/"""wOrRy""" "me" at all lmfao, 'except' for this because if my 'parents' don't go out for enough time I cant really attempt and dont want to risk getting caught] but they or any other 'relative'/'family member' could go to the 'house' anytime and 'find' me while Im 'unsconscious' and then id be immediately sent to a fucking 'hospital' and 'psych ward'. If only it could kill you instantly... fuck. It's so FRUSTRATING how hard is to FINALLY DIE/NOT EXIST AT ALL.) You said 'he' made some "groaning" noises, were them loud?
I thought it took 2-4 hours to kill you, at least that's what some members here have said in a lot of 'threads'. There's a 'member' who even said 8 hours, is that true?! Im very 'confused' about the time SN takes for death to happen and I 'need' or whatever tf that 'verb'/'word' means to know how much time it'll exactly take to completely kill me to not risk being found because I don't live alone. i can't attempt anytime/whenever I want nor have as much time as I want to have everything 'pRoPeRlY' ready/prepared and 'ensure' that I wont fail/be interrupted. I know it 'varies'/'depends' a lot and it's not the same for everyone but it's 'confusing' and 'concerning'/'discouraging' or whatever the fuck those 'words' mean that for some it can "only" take 'around' 20-30 min and for others it takes 2-4 hrs or possibly even more** (why? why does that happen? it can be because some had a complete 'empty' 'stomach' because they 'fasted' long enough and others didn't so their stomach wasnt that empty and the sn got absorbed there slower? Fuck. I cant 'fast' at all 'here' in my parents' 'house', it's just impossible, they'd ask why i don't eat and suspect a lot. i just can't do the 'fasting' unless I do it during night/early 'morning' after 'midnight' while sleeping then 'wake up' at at 6/7 am and drink it but it's so fucking risky and basically 'impossible', my 'mother' is always at 'home', plus around that time is when my 'father' 'wakes up' to go to 'work'* {well it 'depends' on the 'day' actually because 'his' 'working' 'schedule' has been 'changing' lately [ok lmfao] but whether 'he' wakes up at that time or not, it's still very risky unless the method is 'instant' or at least 'quick' and noiseless which it isnt} *or whatever the fuck that garbage crap is/means ewww lmfao. Unless i do it on a 'sunday' but it's still very risky anyway because what if i fall 'unconscious' but the body makes noises and 'movements'? would they be loud and wake them up or low enough so my parents wouldn't hear it? Ffs why tf it has to be so hard ffs why!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then there's also the fucking damn 'inevitable' "gUiLt" that I cant fucking help but 'feel' or whatever tf "feel" means because I know that my 'parents'/'family' would be extremely 'devastated'/'hurt' and 'traumatized'/'shocked' and would be very 'affected' by my death for the 'rest' of their 'lives' and blahblahblah. SIGH i shouldnt give a damn fuck for fucks sake, no 'matter' how "cruel"/"cold" it 'sounds'. LET ME FINALLY JUST NOT 'EXIST' AT ALL/JUST NOT 'BE' ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY ANYTHING ANYONE ANYWHERE AT ALL FFS I LITERALLY SIMPLY BASICALLY SERIOUSLY JUST DONT FUCKING GIVE A GODDAMN FUCK {and simply literally just DONT fucking want to and NEVER at all fucking will lmfaoooooo why the damn fuck do i fucking have to yes or fcking yes ffs why???????!!!!!!} ABOUT ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY ANYTHING IN FCKING GENERAL AT ALL FOR FUCKS SAKE, ANYTHING!!!!!NO FCKING 'MATTER' WHAT/HOW TF IT FCKING IS/CAN BE!!!! OF ANY TYPE/WAY ETC AT ALL!!!! 'FROM'/'ABOUT'/'RELATED TO'/'IN'/'ASSOCIATED WITH' ETCETC NOR WHATEVER TF IN GENERAL ANYTHING/ANYWHERE AT ALL!!!!!! AND DONT WANT TO AT ALL AND NEVER SIMPLY LITERALLY ABSOLUTELY FUCKING EVER WILL AT ALL NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!!!! that's it jfc there AREN'T any damn reasons for fucks goddamn sake) **because then i cant know what to expect the 'day' I decide to risk it and "ctb" ("catch" the "bus" to eternal absolute nothingness/non-existence, not to "something"/an "afterlife"). if i drink the SN but it takes too long to take 'effect' on the body, the risk of being "sAvEd" in time is very 'high' and I dont want that to 'happen' at all. I wish i could be totally 'sure' of how much it'll take to actually kill me and not just leave me unsconscious, I really dont want to be fucking found and not have any more opportunities to attempt again. that'd be so fucking frustrating