Has anyone on here been raised by controlling helicopter parents or tiger parents?

[ScorpiusDragon]

If so, do you think it's contributed to your depression?

 

[JadedGray]

Yes, both my parents were helicopter parents and controlled every aspect of my life and because of it, I never developed an identity. I was never able to be myself. I either tried to be what they wanted me to be or imitated my peers. Neither worked out for me and now my Depression has consumed me and become all that I am. They were also tiger parents and extremely critical because no matter what, nothing I ever did was good enough. They destroyed my self-esteem even more than my peers did. All because they wanted me to be successful, but instead I'm a complete failure, like they predicted I would be.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Yes definitely. My dad was very controlling and overbearingly protective. My mom tried her best to raise me and honestly she is the only reason I'm still alive trying to hang on now. I never got to experience life and learn because everything was done for me and a sense of doomsday fear of everything was instilled in me. I never developed any identity as a person because they never introduced me to anything or let me experience anything. I didn't start actually learning anything until I was 18 and started dating a someone who taught me pretty much everything about life. I feel so behind vs people my age.

My dad was also very critical of me and put education above everything. I have always felt inferior and question everything i do because of how critical he was. Getting a degree was one of the worst things and a huge regret for me. He put so much emphasis on that damn degree and if I had never gotten it my life would have been so much better because I never would have met certain people.

 

[Readytogo227]

I think so. My mom was controlling and had a very short fuse. She'd mock me for eating, and blow up at me if I didn't finish the plate. But if I did finish eating she'd say "You really like food, don't you, fatass?!" But if I didn't eat she'd throw things and just explode. She controlled what I wore, what I ate, what my favorite color was supposed to be, and criticized everything I did. She was also obsessed with death and often held a gun to her head threatening to kill herself. When I tried, she laughed in my face saying "Coward! You can't do it, can you?! You don't have the courage!"

I hated her, and hope she rots in hell.

 

[sunny.sativa]

This is my truth, as well, my parents tried to make me into a person with the beliefs they wanted me to keep, the personality they thought would carry me best through this life.
I wasn't allowed opinions or ideas if they weren't the ones created for me to keep. I developed bulimia as a sense of security and personality and .. belonging? Like I suppose it meant I had something to relate with? This is what I've been told by the "experts".
I also lost my fuckin mind once I turned 18 because between my mom and I, it was,"when you're 18, a legal adult, you can make your own decisions and pick your own haircut" kind of thing. So I did. I went bananas, but ironically, it started with,"I'm going for a walk."

That was a bigger thing for me than I expected. She didn't say no. She started to, but she knew she couldn't now. Later shaved my head. Had a full-blown Britney moment.

Now SUNNY. was in control. SUNNY did what the fuck she wanted and it felt too good.
I'm never having kids for fear of accidentally hurting them, I don't want them to feel like they can't be the beautiful soul they wanna be just cause they have no space from their crazy ass, worrying momma.

I know it was a form of love, but it sure shit on me.

 

[Dun Emeritus]

Mine wasn't controlling; very opposite and that's the problem. I have too much freedom to the point they don't really care. They're basically just a source of money and free education until I can (hopefully) fend for myself - unless of course I finally muster up the courage to kill myself. I just treat every day like a job living in this house.

House chores for emotionally abusive parents? I see it instead as me being a house helper working for unpleasant bosses. The salary is the allowance and free education.

 

[lostangel]

If so, do you think it's contributed to your depression?

yes they were both that and never cared for my feelings. my life is broken promises. They stopped me from going out to play with kids on my road and so I had no friends. loads of people make fun of me for that I hate it so much. I can't wait to ctb one day and be free from all this pain.

 

[Dun Emeritus]

They stopped me from going out to play with kids on my road and so I had no friends.

Oof. Went through this as well. Really crippled my social skills big time. I've improved a lot but I'm still suffering.

 

[Rollo]

Mine wasn't controlling; very opposite and that's the problem. I have too much freedom to the point they don't really care. They're basically just a source of money and free education until I can (hopefully) fend for myself

What kind of freedom you would rather do away with?

 

[Dun Emeritus]

What kind of freedom you would rather do away with?

Basically, I dislike too much freedom to the point literally no one in the family gives a damn. I want to keep my ability to go out anytime with anyone for however long I want and come home anytime without anyone getting mad at me. But, I'd like if someone would at least ask where I'd go, who I'm with, and why. Let me live my life free but also let me know someone still gives a fuck.

When I met my first girlfriend and I told my family they didn't give a fuck. Didn't ask how or why we met, nothing. I once left home when everyone's asleep to meet up an online friend, have some midnight unlimited Korean BBQ with her, all while I'm cities away. I went home around 4am, saw mom fixing her bed, and not a single fuck was given about me.

I could have died, left home never to return, lost my way, or whatever. No one would have fucking cared or knew where to even look for me (if they would even look).

It just hurts.

 

[Walilamdzi]

Kind of.

 

[Rollo]

Basically, I dislike too much freedom to the point literally no one in the family gives a damn. I want to keep my ability to go out anytime with anyone for however long I want and come home anytime without anyone getting mad at me. But, I'd like if someone would at least ask where I'd go, who I'm with, and why. Let me live my life free but also let me know someone still gives a fuck.

When I met my first girlfriend and I told my family they didn't give a fuck. Didn't ask how or why we met, nothing. I once left home when everyone's asleep to meet up an online friend, have some midnight unlimited Korean BBQ with her, all while I'm cities away. I went home around 4am, saw mom fixing her bed, and not a single fuck was given about me.

I could have died, left home never to return, lost my way, or whatever. No one would have fucking cared or knew where to even look for me (if they would even look).

It just hurts.

But at the same time you say they stopped you from playing with other kids on your block. So were they controlling at some point and then stopped?

 

[lululoo]

Yeah, tiger parents. They helicoptered when they felt I wasn't living up to their extreme expectations, neglected me otherwise. It was very damaging. And like so many parents, they were too dumb to realize that if they had treated me with love and acceptance rather than criticism, disdain, and pressure, I would have achieved so much more and made them happier in the end.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I think my parents were too lax. To this day they don't really care what I do. I was always allowed to stay out late, drink, hook up with girls. I was naturally fairly responsible, like I never really went off the rails big time or anything, but it always seemed like everything I did was alright by them. I was pretty grateful for it at the time, and still sort of am, but I did lack structure. I also have no real discipline as an adult now.

 

[Severen]

Yes and no. They were controlling when it came to some stuff but allowed me freedom when it came to other stuff. But they were also abusive(physically and mentally) and that is one of the reasons, I became a fuck up in life. So I think, as long as they aren't abusive, it's not so bad to be under total control. Because, remember. Sooner or later, they will let you off the leash. Really, all those years you have until you are 18 or 21 or 25 etc, are just a small fraction of your life.