Has anyone here been through sexual abuse and kind of healed from it but the trauma keeps recurring?

[Firegirl]

I have absolutely nobody irl to talk about this with, I'm curious if anyone here (in recovery) has experienced sexual abuse that you've already been in intensive therapy for, but even years later it just feels like the trauma never leaves.

Will the trauma ever heal? I'm starting to doubt that it will. I read something that it's important to forgive the abuser, especially if they were a minor and it was Child on Child sexual abuse because they probably were suffering too and didn't know any better but somehow that thought makes me feel so invalidated.
Why do i have to just assume the best of them. Why does the world see it that way. Its not fair because nobody cared about the pain they caused me.

I'm just curious on anyones thoughts about whether or not the pain of the trauma of being sexually assaulted ever REALLY does go away or get better… I'm starting to lose hope that it ever really will so any words of encouragement are welcome :(

 

[Capsaicin78]

I'm sorry that you are suffering this much. It really is shocking how often people have to deal with sexual trauma. I can only say there are many people out there who completely went into remission from ptsd and so on. I can only encourage you to try out meds and therapy. If that doesnt help try to look into mdma therapy and psychedelics. There are also other methods like emdr. Hang in there, it seems like you still have hope left so keep on fighting, it will get better eventually.


(Just my personal opinion) I also dont think anyone should be forced to forgive their abuser. I dont think that should be asked of victims. It's more like letting go of it as soon as you respond to some kind of treatment.

 

[Firegirl]

Thank you so much

I'm sorry that you are suffering this much. It really is shocking how often people have to deal with sexual trauma. I can only say there are many people out there who completely went into remission from ptsd and so on. I can only encourage you to try out meds and therapy. If that doesnt help try to look into mdma therapy and psychedelics. There are also other methods like emdr. Hang in there, it seems like you still have hope left so keep on fighting, it will get better eventually.


(Just my personal opinion) I also dont think anyone should be forced to forgive their abuser. I dont think that should be asked of victims. It's more like letting go of it as soon as you respond to some kind of treatment.

Thank you so much <3
Thank you so much

I'm sorry that you are suffering this much. It really is shocking how often people have to deal with sexual trauma. I can only say there are many people out there who completely went into remission from ptsd and so on. I can only encourage you to try out meds and therapy. If that doesnt help try to look into mdma therapy and psychedelics. There are also other methods like emdr. Hang in there, it seems like you still have hope left so keep on fighting, it will get better eventually.


(Just my personal opinion) I also dont think anyone should be forced to forgive their abuser. I dont think that should be asked of victims. It's more like letting go of it as soon as you respond to some kind of treatment.

 

[miserableforever]

I have absolutely nobody irl to talk about this with, I'm curious if anyone here (in recovery) has experienced sexual abuse that you've already been in intensive therapy for, but even years later it just feels like the trauma never leaves.

Will the trauma ever heal? I'm starting to doubt that it will. I read something that it's important to forgive the abuser, especially if they were a minor and it was Child on Child sexual abuse because they probably were suffering too and didn't know any better but somehow that thought makes me feel so invalidated.
Why do i have to just assume the best of them. Why does the world see it that way. Its not fair because nobody cared about the pain they caused me.

I'm just curious on anyones thoughts about whether or not the pain of the trauma of being sexually assaulted ever REALLY does go away or get better… I'm starting to lose hope that it ever really will so any words of encouragement are welcome :(

It never got better for me. I've been through so much in the sexual abuse department, people don't even believe my story. From attempted to completed rape, kidnapping, to sexual advances in my own house as a child. I sought help and all it did was make me pretend I'm not in pain anymore. I have good pretend phases and not so good ones.
I'm sorry you feel the way you do. I know it sucks :( Just know you're not alone.

 

[Walilamdzii]

Yeah, two best friends sexually humiliated me which I found psychologically abusive, and I have been raped. It contributes to me wanting to ctb.

 

[Firegirl]

It never got better for me. I've been through so much in the sexual abuse department, people don't even believe my story. From attempted to completed rape, kidnapping, to sexual advances in my own house as a child. I sought help and all it did was make me pretend I'm not in pain anymore. I have good pretend phases and not so good ones.
I'm sorry you feel the way you do. I know it sucks :( Just know you're not alone.

I'm so sorry that you had to experience that! I believe you and your entire story is completely believed and valid even if people don't usually want to believe it. Its interesting that you mention 'pretend phases' because it's so true! That's also how it's been for me. Thank you for validating that I'm not alone

Yeah, two best friends sexually humiliated me which I found psychologically abusive, and I have been raped. It contributes to me wanting to ctb.

I'm so sorry I understand how you feel bc it contributes to me wanting to ctb at times as well. Wishing you peace someday

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I'm so truly sorry for everyone that has to go through any of this. It's not easy to talk about. I feel very badly for people that have sexual violence pepertrated against them, whether they can talk about it or not.

My belief is that it never gets better, it changes you forever. You can live with it, sadly.

Sexual violence is possibly the worst thing in this world, that not enough is done about. It would shock me but I know exactly how much this features in the lives of everyday women, imo it's all-permeating. Women are often the subject of physical, domestic and spousal abuse, and on the receiving end of victim-blaming when this happens instead of being listened to and believed.

I'm sorry I can't give any words of encouragement. I just wish it never happened to you or any woman here, instead of the reality where it happens to so many young women and older. None of you ever deserved it. You never have to forgive them, its disgusting and intolerable when people behave this way. I wish I knew what to say.

 

[SarRy]

Forgiveness can be good. It allows both parties to move on to better things in life potentially.
Not all abuse is given the same consideration despite being very traumatic. Molestation vs. rape vs. intoxicated rape
I don't think it ever goes away, but through understanding your feelings and your trauma, you can minimize the effect.
In general, it's all bad. Nothing done to a perpetrator changes what was done to you. Nothing changes what happened. I guess it is something that can make you feel powerless and not want to live.
I know you asked for people who have been through intense therapy related to abuse, but I thought I'd put this out there anyway.
Speaking in general terms is easier than getting specific sometimes. I like to keep my wording impersonal. Apologies if you find that offensive in any way.
Best of luck. I hope you find peace.

 

[kiuya]

You're going to heal, but it will still linger on the back of your mind. I was SA'd as a kid and it still hurts, but it doesn't affect my daily life anymore. Hopefully you'll get to the same place

 

[Monique696]

I have absolutely nobody irl to talk about this with, I'm curious if anyone here (in recovery) has experienced sexual abuse that you've already been in intensive therapy for, but even years later it just feels like the trauma never leaves.

Will the trauma ever heal? I'm starting to doubt that it will. I read something that it's important to forgive the abuser, especially if they were a minor and it was Child on Child sexual abuse because they probably were suffering too and didn't know any better but somehow that thought makes me feel so invalidated.
Why do i have to just assume the best of them. Why does the world see it that way. Its not fair because nobody cared about the pain they caused me.

I'm just curious on anyones thoughts about whether or not the pain of the trauma of being sexually assaulted ever REALLY does go away or get better… I'm starting to lose hope that it ever really will so any words of encouragement are welcome :(

I've been abused for many years as a child. The abuse never left me. It is still vivid and alive as if it had happened recently.
You learn to make the best of it. You try to ignore when you see in front of your internal eyes how kids get abused just because you see them walking with their dads on their tiny hands. It's sickening but over time you learn to cope. Or at least I did.
Over the years I did multiple therapies and experienced a trip( into the other world thanks to an incredible overdose that I luckily came back from after 2 years of more or less extreme psychosis) I was able to finally understand that I was never the problem but simply the victim of pedophiles.
Shit happens, right?
Try to find a companion to talk to who experienced similar. It helps so much.
Find something that would please your broken little inner child. I started creating kids coloring books for that reason. It makes me happy and pleases the little soul inside of my heart.
Ask yourself from time to time "what can we do today for little" insert your name here " and go out and go for it. May it be a small treat or maybe a nice soft blanked. Doesn't matter.
Try to get back what has been taken from you with love. One step at a time.
Feel free to write me if you'd like to talk.
No pressure tho.
I'm sending you a virtual hug.
You are not alone. It is not too late. Life can turn out beautiful after all. Sometimes it just needs some help and a few changes here and there. Took me years to build a support system that allowed me to enjoy my life and to actually start living it.
I am still tempted by cbt, I have things in order. There is a certain amount of pain I am allowing myself to still experience and if this line is crossed then so shall it end with me.
Getting too old for this one.

 

[noaccount]

You definitely don't need to forgive anyone, ever. I hope your therapist doesn't think you need to do anything like that, anyone who fetishizes forgiveness like that is grossly unqualified and not trustworthy at all.

 

[Monique696]

You definitely don't need to forgive anyone, ever. I hope your therapist doesn't think you need to do anything like that, anyone who fetishizes forgiveness like that is grossly unqualified and not trustworthy at all.

Very true. I truly loved the men who has abused me. He was my best friend growing up and closer to me than my own father. Yet I could never and don't ever want to forgive him for what he has done. There are certain things, acts and crimes you could and should not forgive. That is my personal opinion.

 

[lionetta12]

I have absolutely nobody irl to talk about this with, I'm curious if anyone here (in recovery) has experienced sexual abuse that you've already been in intensive therapy for, but even years later it just feels like the trauma never leaves.

Will the trauma ever heal? I'm starting to doubt that it will. I read something that it's important to forgive the abuser, especially if they were a minor and it was Child on Child sexual abuse because they probably were suffering too and didn't know any better but somehow that thought makes me feel so invalidated.
Why do i have to just assume the best of them. Why does the world see it that way. Its not fair because nobody cared about the pain they caused me.

I'm just curious on anyones thoughts about whether or not the pain of the trauma of being sexually assaulted ever REALLY does go away or get better… I'm starting to lose hope that it ever really will so any words of encouragement are welcome :(

I was abused sexually by another person that was underaged as well, when I was from age 3 to 11, although he was some years older, while I also was being sexually abused by their mom. I can tell you one thing, I healed from it and got over the worst part of my PTSD and the worst traumas when I was 12-13 due to myself. I didn't get any treatment at the time, not until many years later.

What I did was I psychoanalyzed both of my abusers, for hours every day. When I was 11 was the last time I ever saw them both and the last time any abuse happened from them. Thanks to my own mom who somehow got to know the cousin of the woman who had abused me, he could tell my mom that that woman had been abused all her childhood sexually and that's what was «normal» in their village and that family. That explained to me why she and her son both sexually abused me for years and made me be able to move on and get the closure I needed. Knowing why was a big relief to me. Knowing that it was not my fault and what caused them to do these horrible actions that they genuinly see no issue with. I forgave them within myself, but I have no interest to ever meet or talk to these people again as it can hurt me mentally and so I will never tell them that I did forgive them.

I went from not being able to shower or be around any water for years, and not even being able to imagine having a normal relationship ever in my life due to being so harmed sexually, to now finding comfort and peace when I shower and swim, it's actually one of the only things that make me calm down during panic attacks now which is ironic since that could cause the worst panic attacks ever for years. I'm now able to have sex and be in relationships without any issue, I've actually never had any issues related to this or my PTSD with any relationships or during sex with others.

But despite all the healing from this and later, many years of trauma therapy, I am haunted at least 3-4 nights a week from nightmares of the rapes. I'm so used to them now though that they themselves do not bother me or distress me. It is uncomfortable to get flashbacks while I'm awake from reading news about pedophilia and abuse though, I have had to limit my consumption of any news anymore due to this and a bunch of other stuff just to protect myself mentally.