Venting Has anyone here been diagnosed with a PD and would be willing to share their story?

[SaltySuh]

I've been recently diagnosed with Paranoid PD. I'm only 19 fucking years old! I'm just wondering if anyone here has been diagnosed with a PD because I want to know what will likely lie ahead. I'm so scared; any insight would be greatly appreciated.

 

[jbear824]

I was diagnosed with BPD at 24. But I definitely had developed it far earlier in my life due to the abuse and trauma I suffered from my parents.

It's hell. It impacts every fucking facet of my life. I don't even know how to describe the hell that it is. It takes all of my energy to manage, which doesn't leave much to deal with the chronic anxiety or the depression or the CPTSD.

I can't imagine what yours is like. BPD has a paranoid element to it, but it's transient. I can't imagine having to deal with that feeling all the time. The amount I have deal with is already too much.

 

[SaltySuh]

@jbear824, can you describe how your PD has progressed since the initial diagnosis? Has it gotten better, worse, or stayed the same? How has the PD evolved over the course of time?

 

[Octavia]

I do not have it myself, but I knew a ~22 year old who had BPD. She's on meds and functions just like any "normal" human being. It might sound like a scary diagnosis, but with the appropriate treatments you would be fine. Probably. I mean, everything in life can go wrong, but they can go right as well.

I actually think that having it diagnosed early on is a benefit, since you would be able to start treating it early.

 

[SaltySuh]

I do not have it myself, but I knew a ~22 year old who had BPD. She's on meds and functions just like any "normal" human being. It might sound like a scary diagnosis, but with the appropriate treatments you would be fine. Probably. I mean, everything in life can go wrong, but they can go right as well.

I actually think that having it diagnosed early on is a benefit, since you would be able to start treating it early.

I know that PDs are really stigmatized and the people who have them are not often treated well, but they can be destructive to one's life. Therefore, I just want an idea of what I can expect over my life.

 

[jbear824]

@jbear824, can you describe how your PD has progressed since the initial diagnosis? Has it gotten better, worse, or stayed the same? How has the PD evolved over the course of time?

Some parts of it have improved. Like the paranoia. But a lot of it has stayed the same. Especially the emotional disregulation. It sucks because meds can only treat the symptoms and not the disorder. BPD isn't a chemical problem, so you can't fix it with meds. The only thing that can actually get rid of bpd is psychotherapy. Which I've been doing a long time now, almost 20 years. I didn't start getting treated for the BPD specifically until I was 27, and I think by that point it was already too late.

The maladaptions are so ingrained at this point that treatment has very little effect. Idk how else to exist. This is the only way my brain has functioned ever since I was a kid. I would essentially need to be retaught how to be a person from scratch. And well, that kind of help does not exist in this world .

I still have 8 of the 9 criteria. And I don't think it's ever going to go away.

It also feeds off of my other conditions. Can be triggered by them. Basically, my baseline is distress. I am in constant distress.

 

[Octavia]

I know that PDs are really stigmatized and the people who have them are not often treated well, but they can be destructive to one's life. Therefore, I just want an idea of what I can expect over my life.

It certainly can be. She does have an amazing boyfriend who is also quite cute, so the people who matter would see past the PD label. An individual with PD who is undergoing treatment should be just as predictable as your average person most of the time, although that some mood swings might happen occasionally. Nothing on the level of turning from a wholesome cuddly person to a murderous psychopath, though.

 

[jbear824]

I don't know much about paranoid PD. And even though I haven't improved much, I would still recommend therapy and meds for the symptoms (like anxiety for example).

Having a PD isn't necessarily a life sentence though. It might not be for you!

 

[SaltySuh]

Some parts of it have improved. Like the paranoia. But a lot of it has stayed the same. Especially the emotional disregulation. It sucks because meds can only treat the symptoms and not the disorder. BPD isn't a chemical problem, so you can't fix it with meds. The only thing that can actually get rid of bpd is psychotherapy. Which I've been doing a long time now, almost 20 years. I didn't start getting treated for the BPD specifically until I was 27, and I think by that point it was already too late.

Yeah, that's the thing that really bummed me out about my diagnosis. With the previous ones, ADHD and dysgraphia, medicine and accommodations resolve most of the impairments. With Paranoid PD, it's more of a what the fuck am I supposed to do with this diagnosis. It's a highly treatment resistant disorder and the label is stigmatizing, so I son't really know what to do.

The maladaptions are so ingrained at this point that treatment has very little effect.
I still have 8 of the 9 criteria. And I don't think it's ever going to go away.

Dang, that's unfortunate. From what I've read, the symptoms of Paranoid PD peak in the late 20s and mellow out at 40. It's still unfortunate that our respective PDs will likely affect us for the rest of our lives.

It also feeds off of my other conditions. Can be triggered by them. Basically, my baseline is distress. I am in constant distress.

That distress must really suck. Best wishes in all that you do. Thank you so much for providing your perspective and experience. I thoroughly appreciated it. Thanks @jbear824!

It certainly can be. She does have an amazing boyfriend who is also quite cute, so the people who matter would see past the PD label. An individual with PD who is undergoing treatment should be just as predictable as your average person most of the time, although that some mood swings might happen occasionally. Nothing on the level of turning from a wholesome cuddly person to a murderous psychopath, though.

@Octavia I know that having a PD doesn't make some predisposed to violence, but some of the stuff people say about people with PDs is absolutely vile. I mean, just look at r/BPDLovedOnes on Reddit; so many of the people outright demonize people with BPD. The diagnoses of people with NPD and ASPD are used as insults (e.g., narcissist and 'sociopath').




If anyone else has anything to add, please do.

 

[Fox of June]

Schizoid, Narcissistic and Avoidant about ten years ago when I was sectioned. I really didn't understand what these things were at the time, but the psychiatric team put it to me these things were likely prevalent since my teenage years.

 

[SaltySuh]

Schizoid, Narcissistic and Avoidant about ten years ago when I was sectioned. I really didn't understand what these things were at the time, but the psychiatric team put it to me these things were likely prevalent since my teenage years.

@Fox of June Yeah, my psychiatrist had trouble determining which Cluster A PD it was. I was given an initial dual diagnosis of Paranoid PD and Schizoid PD, but it was narrowed down to moderate severity Paranoid PD.

 

[CTBookOfLife]

Not diagnosed, so feel free to ignore this, but...

I've been medically recognized as having BPD with high narcissistic traits for a bit.. maybe a year at least? The specialist avoided diagnosing me because I was 17 when I saw her (also she wanted to discuss with me more how beings diagnosed would affect my life, if at all).

My BPD has fucked with me alot, but the narcissistic traits hurt me and others the most, I'd say. I've done too many things I regret, ruined too many friendships and relationships.

I haven't gotten much therapy for it, but I've found that thankfully, it's easier for me to step back and psychoanalyze myself than it typically is for others. I suspect it has something to do with the fact that, as an autistic person, I had a hyperfixation on psychology for years. That and the fact that due to my DID, each alter has differing levels of symptoms, which can aid in having "another person" to sort of.. look from an outside perspective.

My mother also has BPD with narcissistic traits, though we have very different symptoms. I have quiet type, while she has petulant.

I'm sorry that I don't have many tips (not to familiar with your particular cluster or PD) other than.. try to stay on parts of the internet that don't stigmatize PDs. I tend to see newly-diagnosed people fall into the whole "certain PDs are evil" thing. Too many BPD-havers shitting on those with ASPD or NPD, despite all three disorders sharing a cluster and having similar symptoms.

Not only does this thinking harm others, but it harms yourself. You become blind to the traits of these "hated" disorders in your own actions.

Stay safe.

 

[Meditation guide]

@Fox of June Yeah, my psychiatrist had trouble determining which Cluster A PD it was. I was given an initial dual diagnosis of Paranoid PD and Schizoid PD, but it was narrowed down to moderate severity Paranoid PD.

Having a shrink put a label on you like that isn't helpful. A PD isn't a mental illness, and you carry that label around with you and worry about it, wonder about and feel that you are a bad person when, actually, it is just a label.

I was told I have a PD and while it does explain some things about me mostly it has served to mess me up, knowing someone has taken me, a unique individual with a lot of strengths, and basically condemned me to forever feel I'm a very damaged person, which is exactly what I don't need.

I have had successes and feel that simply having a shrink label me as basically someone who is very damaged has done much more damage to my life and self image then if I had never been told that.

My point is that we are very vulnerable people and we can take things others say, particularly someone like a psychiatrist, much too seriously to the point that it actually is a self defeating experience to hear a psychiatrist LABEL us as basically inferior. I hope you see what I mean. Don't look at a psychologist of psychiatrist as someone with a right to condemn you verbally to a life of self criticism and make you feel inferior, look at them with a very clear eye, they are no better than you are and yet they in essence are judging you.

At least that's how I feel about them. Things they say to us can damage us.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

There's a good chance I have a personality disorder and once I began to understand this I stopped trying to get too involved with other people to spare myself and them from disappointment. I do not want therapy, and don't feel capable of committing to it. I'm just not in any kind of position where I'm stable enough to have that luxury. I think I developed borderline personality disorder from having been raised by a narcissist mother. I was the rejected child. It was like my needs didn't matter all throughout my formative years but especially around age 11 things got worse and my mother began to see me as a threat and as I hit puberty I was now making her get envious. Anyway, in addition to borderline, I also have ADD and undiagnosed autism. All this really complicated my life and my 20's were ruined by my poor decisions and these disorders not addressed. I did try to find help but being from poverty and dysfunction many of us never can access the type of help we would need. It's been tragic what ended up happening to me, screwed from the start. I'm sure there are many out there like myself. We don't have a system that works for the benefit of everyone in society obviously.

 

[totalselfhatred]

I was diagnosed with AVPD when I was 17 years old. I was told that I also have BPD traits and alexithymia. I suspect also some traits of narcissism. I'm considered a burden, practically from everyone. I've ruined friendships, a significant relationship with a guy who loved me with all his heart. I don't have friends in real life, just a few online acquaintances. Somedays I feel like I could survive and even though my life is shit rn I maybe have a chance at something if I put all the strenght that I have in being better. Other days I'm on the verge of hanging myself. So it depends. Mine I guess worsened but I don't really take meds so the reason is that probably. Not everybody who has a PD is doomed forever, I know some who recovered and now live a fairly normal life. It takes an insane amount of effort but it's possible if you receive therapy and take meds and you're around people who support you.

 

[Toobrokentofix]

Hey. I'm sorry it's been so rough for you.

I was diagnosed with BPD 24 years ago when the attitude was that it was untreatable. This is the first time I've ever been offered treatment. I'm 2 weeks into a DBT skills group which I have to attend for 6 months minimum. Apparently its the most successful treatment for PD, emotional disregulation, depression, cptsd etc. Was also told if I get stable I might be able to get EMDR which apparently is focused trauma work.

I think what you are offered treatment wise depends largely or where you live and what us available there. I feel I'm definitely getting the gold standard in treatment. I'm pretty pathetic and weak though and feel guilty for wasting resources