Has anyone else had weird dreams/signs pointing for them to not CTB?

[throwaway9901]

I've been interested in suicide since I was around a preteen and as I gradually flopped more and more in life, the more it looks like a viable way of ending things.

However, I think the strange thing is that I have had multiple instances of signs (mostly dreams) telling me to not go through with it. I don't exactly know why but it feels really frustrating, because they feel very genuine despite be wanting to go through with it.

I had an extremely vivid dream my brother took his own life. I don't remember the exact details, but it was such a realistic dream. There was no surreal dreamy feelings or liminal-style locations. I was just consoling my crying family in the living room. What's strange is that my brother doesn't seem struggle with these issues (that I know of, of course) but it just felt like it made sense in the dream. Also, I'd be really pissed to have HIM be the one to CTB. He's way better adjusted than me, doing well in school, playing sports, having both a friend group and a girlfriend, but I digress.

Another dream I'd had is a bit more in-line with my usual surreal dreams but actually has me going through with suicide. I'm in a pizza parlor with my family and I see a cop outside. On a whim I decide to leave the building and CTB via police officer. Instead of waking up, I basically became a ghost. I can only describe death in the dream as like going into spectator mode in a video game where you're an invisible floating camera. I just experience immediate regret, watching my family, completely unaware of my death, casually eating away. I wanted to scream, grab them, get their attention in any way I could, but there was nothing. Even stranger, my family's dog was sitting in my mom's lap as she ate. The dog was aware of me being there, making direct eye contact. Just staring at me as a desperately tried to get my family's attention.

Not a dream and a much shorter instance, but I spent a night alone at a family friend's house to dog sit. When I got back the next day, my mom told me it felt strange not being home for the evening, and it actually made her uneasy. Obviously that just was a backhanded statement that didn't mean much to her, but to me it felt as if she was directly referencing my tendencies (which she is unaware of)

I find it strange I've had not one but two dreams involving suicide, both in a negative light. It angers me as I really just want the courage to go through with suicide but can't bring myself to quite yet. I almost hung myself a day ago, only stopping because I realized it would be extremely painful. (my throat still kind of hurts, haha)

So yeah, enough about me. I needed to get these strange experiences out of my memory and posted somewhere. I'd also like to know if anyone else here has had similar experiences, and if it's impacted their desire to CTB. Relatability is why most of us are here, right?

 

[SSamGarrison]

I find this interesting, although I can't really relate. I've certainly had dreams about ctb but not necessarily signs or telling me not to. Once, I dreamt that I ran into traffic but my timing was off and I only injured my leg. I somehow was able to walk around and I remember my mother telling me I failed on purpose because I was too scared. She wouldn't have said that in real life most likely, so idk why she said that in the dream. I was super angry and going to make a second attempt but woke up before then.

 

[su1c1dal-dungeon]

i love dreams and dissecting them. it sounds like your subconscious knows you want to leave but is trying to show you reasons to stay. subconsciously - you may be scared that once you go through with ctb that you'll regret it in your last moment (like the dream at the pizza parlor).
in the dream about your brother it seems that (once again) your subconscious is trying to show you what your family will feel if its you in that scenario. your dream allowed you to feel what your family would feel by using your brothers death as an example.

*im just spitting interpretations!! everyone interprets things differently**

 

[sserafim]

I've been interested in suicide since I was around a preteen and as I gradually flopped more and more in life, the more it looks like a viable way of ending things.

However, I think the strange thing is that I have had multiple instances of signs (mostly dreams) telling me to not go through with it. I don't exactly know why but it feels really frustrating, because they feel very genuine despite be wanting to go through with it.

I had an extremely vivid dream my brother took his own life. I don't remember the exact details, but it was such a realistic dream. There was no surreal dreamy feelings or liminal-style locations. I was just consoling my crying family in the living room. What's strange is that my brother doesn't seem struggle with these issues (that I know of, of course) but it just felt like it made sense in the dream. Also, I'd be really pissed to have HIM be the one to CTB. He's way better adjusted than me, doing well in school, playing sports, having both a friend group and a girlfriend, but I digress.

Another dream I'd had is a bit more in-line with my usual surreal dreams but actually has me going through with suicide. I'm in a pizza parlor with my family and I see a cop outside. On a whim I decide to leave the building and CTB via police officer. Instead of waking up, I basically became a ghost. I can only describe death in the dream as like going into spectator mode in a video game where you're an invisible floating camera. I just experience immediate regret, watching my family, completely unaware of my death, casually eating away. I wanted to scream, grab them, get their attention in any way I could, but there was nothing. Even stranger, my family's dog was sitting in my mom's lap as she ate. The dog was aware of me being there, making direct eye contact. Just staring at me as a desperately tried to get my family's attention.

Not a dream and a much shorter instance, but I spent a night alone at a family friend's house to dog sit. When I got back the next day, my mom told me it felt strange not being home for the evening, and it actually made her uneasy. Obviously that just was a backhanded statement that didn't mean much to her, but to me it felt as if she was directly referencing my tendencies (which she is unaware of)

I find it strange I've had not one but two dreams involving suicide, both in a negative light. It angers me as I really just want the courage to go through with suicide but can't bring myself to quite yet. I almost hung myself a day ago, only stopping because I realized it would be extremely painful. (my throat still kind of hurts, haha)

So yeah, enough about me. I needed to get these strange experiences out of my memory and posted somewhere. I'd also like to know if anyone else here has had similar experiences, and if it's impacted their desire to CTB. Relatability is why most of us are here, right?

I havent had any but I think that if you're having those dreams then it might be a warning that you would fail an attempt. The universe is telling you to not do it. I personally would heed the universe's advice and not take the risk of ctb

 

[StressedRedhead23]

I've been on the CTB path for almost a year now. I bought supplies this past January and tried the method which didn't work. Literally a few weeks later my youngest son had a freak accident. I feel like he left so I wouldn't... Now I'm more determined because I don't have him here with me anymore. I finally decided yesterday on a new method and as I stepped out of my front door, I found a single white feather. Feathers have been a thing for me since I can remember so I feel like this is a message from him. Idk... still planning but also thinking he's sending me another sign to not give up. No dreams though.