Venting Has anyone else gotten so deep they can't imagine a solution to a long term problem that isn't CTB?

[FutureHanger]

Before deciding I'll CTB I thought CTBing is a last resort thing so I'd only think "why doesn't this person just CTB/If I was them I'd CTB" for people in really fucked up scenarios but now I've gotten so used to every minor issue further fueling my desire to CTB to the point I can't see someone else having a long term issue without automatically thinking that CTBing is just easier than living with the issue and it's making me feel kind of guilty, like I just want everyone to die instead of having their problems solved. I know I don't truly want ppl to CTB and want their issues to be solved but it's just a habit to think of CTB as the only solution.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case I always see it as better to not exist anyway, I see suicide as the solution to suffering and I don't see any value in existing as a conscious being destined to decay and deteriorate in this hellish reality where there is no limit as to how much one can suffer.

It disturbs me how a human can potentially exist for so long, what I have an issue with is existence and this can only be solved by eternally ceasing to exist, I could never see existence itself as a desirable state, it's the true problem.

I envy those who no longer exist as they are incapable of suffering, they have no need for anything and are simply at rest instead. I only wish for the peace of eternal nothingness, I see suicide as a logical solution to escape from the burden of existing as a human rather than a "last resort".

 

[Reuthry]

I guess even if I had a really perfect happy life ahead of me I would still ctb. I actually do have good options out there but I feel like something drained my energy to live. I need to die, I just can't take it anymore. Not only mentally, also physically and mentally. I am getting more and more unstable everyday and it's making living even worse, which is already bad enough. I have no other option. I just can't imagine myself older. Yeah I'll see if I can succeed ctb tomorrow or will stick to my timeline (Feb 29). Either way, I am sure that I won't make it into summer, I am really sure about it.

 

[funnyjoy]

Yeah, right now the thing people will tell me to do is to pull myself up, stop skipping class, and go get over this break up, but it's really not that easy, especially when she was perfect and it's your fault. All I can really do is kill myself

 

[iusedtobehappy]

I had someone ask me "how do you go on?" That was a few years ago. I had my cat to look after and care for so I lived for him. But living is really just habit. No matter how we look at it, suicide is unnatural. It may be rational but in our minds and how it's viewed and what we have learned since we were kids have made it feel unnatural. So we are going against that. There is the physical SI we have to get past too.

 

[brokeandbroken]

Before deciding I'll CTB I thought CTBing is a last resort thing so I'd only think "why doesn't this person just CTB/If I was them I'd CTB" for people in really fucked up scenarios but now I've gotten so used to every minor issue further fueling my desire to CTB to the point I can't see someone else having a long term issue without automatically thinking that CTBing is just easier than living with the issue and it's making me feel kind of guilty, like I just want everyone to die instead of having their problems solved. I know I don't truly want ppl to CTB and want their issues to be solved but it's just a habit to think of CTB as the only solution.

My situation is close to that.... I was in medical school (overseas-Poland... Victim of crimes by the university (I can show evidence if you want). I was put into a situation where I *NEED* help getting my life back. No one seems the least bit interested. Just a shitload of victim blaming. Parents stopped caring about me, same with my extended family I was 1 mile if that from where my uncle works when I was in the psych ward. Couldn't be bothered to give a shit. I don't have friends because I was busy (medical school), isolated, and etc... I have pretty consistently almost begged for help. None given. I owe over 150k in debt. My job prospects are little to none... I am homeless. Simply put I have been abandoned in the most emasculating way. People don't care. I don't want to die but if it's between a lifetime of misery or CTB. I am going to take the latter option. All it would take is *1* person who could help to do so. That person I don't think exists for *me*. I am just a piece of shit. I've watched some documentaries on the Nazi concentration camps specifically some of the more brutal guards. They usually have an ending similar to the fact no tears were shed when they were executed. I don't think people care to show up and if they did no tears would be shed. 2 years ago I was studying to be the person you turn to in your worst days. I have had a lot of worst days everyday sucks more then the one before it. And I have to do it as far as IRL is concerned alone.

 

[Hollowman]

Way too deep for way too long.

 

[onbekend]

Definitely. If I didn't decide to CTB, then I'd be totally screwed, I really have no idea what else I can do right now.
There are dramatically more reasons to end it then to continue living, There are some games and movies I've been looking forward to and all that,
but ultimately I don't feel like it's worth the wait.

 

[divinemistress36]

Major depression all my life . Had a stroke from an assault at 29 now 36 I've tried every treatment available and it's all just made me worse . Some people just can't be helped

 

[Erick]

I was happy in 2022. Had everything in my life, family, friends, decent amount of money, a bright future, girls, parties, the whole world to see... Until I got an autoimmune disease in 2023 that ruined my life completely. Now I look ugly af, will lose all my hair, my body is week... I'm just a shadow of my former self. Thanks to that, all my friends are gone, girls look at me in a weird way, I have no job and have to spend all my money paying for treatments, I walk along the streets embarrassed all the time. I'm depressed all the time, every breath I take hurts my chest. It's a life of torture. The only dream I have left now is to put my hands on a bottle of N, but this dream is far from becoming true. I'm only 34, and will have to live the rest of my life trapped in this nightmare.

 

[cherry7]

I had someone ask me "how do you go on?" That was a few years ago. I had my cat to look after and care for so I lived for him. But living is really just habit. No matter how we look at it, suicide is unnatural. It may be rational but in our minds and how it's viewed and what we have learned since we were kids have made it feel unnatural. So we are going against that. There is the physical SI we have to get past too.

I like how you say living is a habit. My body doesn't really want to eat though- I can sense it. It feels odd when I eat. So perhaps for me living is starting to not be a habit anymore. Everything in me calls for it to end but I keep sustaining myself out of habit. My mind wants to eat and live even though my body doesn't. Why doesn't my body just give out? I don't understand.

 

[whats_the_point]

I always wonder how people have the will to live even after horrific tragedies in their lives. Why don't they see the point that the rest of their lives are also going to be filled with more tragedies. Life offers no respite from suffering. All of us are born with so much potential but life chips away at it till you become a mindless cog in the never-ending capitalist machine. The point of life cannot be just to be born, study, work, marry, have babies and die. Why aren't others seeing it this way? I've reached a point where I have no interest in anything but eating. I guess someday soon I'll stop caring about that too.

I was happy in 2022. Had everything in my life, family, friends, decent amount of money, a bright future, girls, parties, the whole world to see... Until I got an autoimmune disease in 2023 that ruined my life completely. Now I look ugly af, will lose all my hair, my body is week... I'm just a shadow of my former self. Thanks to that, all my friends are gone, girls look at me in a weird way, I have no job and have to spend all my money paying for treatments, I walk along the streets embarrassed all the time. I'm depressed all the time, every breath I take hurts my chest. It's a life of torture. The only dream I have left now is to put my hands on a bottle of N, but this dream is far from becoming true. I'm only 34, and will have to live the rest of my life trapped in this nightmare.

It's worse having everything taken from you rather than never having them at all. Hopefully, whatever you choose - be is CTB or recovery, things work out for you.

 

[sserafim]

All of us are born with so much potential but life chips away at it till you become a mindless cog in the never-ending capitalist machine. The point of life cannot be just to be born, study, work, marry, have babies and die. Why aren't others seeing it this way?

Literally, I wonder this as well. I don't think that this is the meaning of life or what we were meant to do.

 

[BlessedBeTheFlame]

I can't imagine another solution, because there is none. If I go to therapy, I will still be a subhuman. If I take meds, I will still be a subhuman. If I try to change myself, I will still be a subhuman. If I try to improve, I will still be a subhuman. It's like a pest stuck into my self for the rest of eternity. The reason I must kill myself is because I'm a disgusting, vile subhuman. It will never change, so the only solution is to kill myself. I must die. I must do it. It's the only way. I must die.