Has anyone else been suicidal since childhood?

[Silver’s End]

Has anyone dealt with suicidal ideation since childhood? What age did it start? Why?

 

[thelostautistic]

I'm 24 now and my suicidal thoughts started around age 12. There was lots of things contributing to it but I think the main one was undiagnosed autism.

 

[Silver’s End]

I'm 24 now and my suicidal thoughts started around age 12. There was lots of things contributing to it but I think the main one was undiagnosed autism.

I'm 23, mine really began at 12/13. 13 is when I had my first attempt. I went to get evaluated for ADHD and all they did was prescribe me with meds and still no official diagnosis. It makes me feel invalidated, especially because I know there's something there.

 

[unluckysadness]

I'm 43 and it started when I was only 10 because of bullying at the boarding school. It ruined my life and now i'm totally isolated and disabled. A lot of traumas happened decades after decades. That's why I'm on this forum in 2026. But I hope to leave this world soon. I've suffered too much (physically and mentally).

If the doctors had diagnosed me with autism at a younger age, I could have adapted, but now it's too late. Life wasted.

 

[Caspers]

I first tried to down myself in the bath when I was 4, started self harming at 11. Probably because of undiagnosed autism and anxiety? it's all been downhill since then.

 

[BeanCurd]

Around 11, I'm not sure why. Lots of things. Nothing. Same as now really.

 

[Bobby2Phat]

I told my Father at around 6 years of age that I 'didn't want to be alive'. I didn't have the vocabulary or knowledge to call it suicide.

His reaction was one of confusion and annoyance.

It took me decades to realise why. He suffered the same as a child, as did his Mother. Both had utterly horrendously grim childhoods in deject poverty. He thought that by providing a better life for me I would be different and that was the moment he realised it was genetic and he'd passed it on to me.
I guess he also didn't know how badly school was effecting me and I was being isolated and low-key bullied at school and that also stemmed from just being very different from the norm, which again, was a pattern with both him and my paternal Grandmother.

Around 11, I'm not sure why. Lots of things. Nothing. Same as now really.

Favourite bean curd dish?

 

[kuroshimi]

I always had some kind of death wish since 10? (not actually sure), but not actively suicidal. I was more involved in self-harm, mainly oxygen deprivation.

 

[Hollowman]

I had a plan when I was 12. Wish I would've went through with it. That was three and a half decades ago. Probably autism, I still don't know.

 

[FuneralCry]

I've personally always and only wished to not exist and for me the peace of non-existence is just all that's desirable and positive, all I hope for is to be gone, I just wish to be permanently free from this terrible, cruel and torturous existence that just causes all this harm and suffering with no limit as to how much one can be tortured.

I truly will just always see it as a mistake to suffer in this existence, this existence truly never should had been imposed, I'll always see existence as a torturous burden and I just suffer so much as a result of this dreadful, cruel existence, for me ceasing to exist would be the positive solution to finally be at peace from all suffering.

 

[BeanCurd]

Favourite bean curd dish?

Hmm there are lots. But I had a teriyaki tofu dish recently that I keep thinking about! It was so nice.

 

[AuraByte]

Since I was 11.

I couldn't even tell you why. I have just always struggled to adjust to life.

 

[vanillabug333]

Has anyone dealt with suicidal ideation since childhood? What age did it start? Why?

oh yeah. I am nearly 30, and I remember first wanting to die when I was around 8. I was being heavily abused so that's what started it for me

 

[Untoten_]

Has anyone dealt with suicidal ideation since childhood? What age did it start? Why?

I remember being 7 wondering if a fall from my 3 story house was enough. So yea as long as I can remember.

 

[FoxSauce]

Yes em since 12

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

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[Nerned]

Cruel how we are kept alive despite obviously not wanting to be

 

[Steve Vermont]

Since I was eleven, but I felt the first stirrings when I was nine or ten.

 

[♡Sayori_Kinnie♡]

Since I was 10, and it was just a general feeling of uselessness that escalated as time went on.
I have a loving family and good friends, and what most people would consider a good life, but that doesn't erase how I feel.

My loved ones are so good, that I can't possibly compare or live up to any standards set.
I know I'm loved, but that doesn't change my lack of hope for the future.

 

[singingcrow]

since i was 12

 

[Nunyabinniss]

Yeah I was 8.

 

[emptymiku]

i remember trying to choke myself out with a belt in 6th grade. i also remember swallowing 5 vitamin supplements thinking it would kill me. i was, and still am, an idiot

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

my first attempts were when i was 9. I barely remember childhood and i don't recall why but my guess is being bullied and struggle with social things as i know i got bullied a lot when i was little have always struggled with social things.

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

up until a couple months ago, i had the exact opposite mentality i have now. Back then, my mindset was basically "giving up is pointless, all you can do is keep moving forward regardless."

it wasn't until i got fired from my first welding job that i finally broke and my mindset changed to "im tired of trying so hard just for nothing to ever happen"

 

[Bobby2Phat]

Hmm there are lots. But I had a teriyaki tofu dish recently that I keep thinking about! It was so nice.

I get these flat sheets of tofu that I cut up in to ribbons to make noodles and then fried tofu balls from the Chinese supermarket, a packet of spicy hotpot base, sesame paste for creaminess, spring onions, a jar of preserved Chinese enoki mushrooms in chilli and soft boiled egg and make a copy of a hotpot style dish I have had before in restaurants and it's been pretty much the only moment of happiness lately. Many variations too.

I do love teriyaki tofu too though.

 

[spiders.in.my.head]

mine started when i was 10 or 11. i had a verbally abusive teacher, who would berate me for every mistake. not exactly a great time, and im lowk still fucked up from it. any small mistake or needing to do something that i might make a mistake in, i shut down completely.
also my home situation started getting pretty rocky around the same time. i guess my suicidal ideation was a culmination of unfortunate circumstances.

 

[BeanCurd]

I get these flat sheets of tofu that I cut up in to ribbons to make noodles and then fried tofu balls from the Chinese supermarket, a packet of spicy hotpot base, sesame paste for creaminess, spring onions, a jar of preserved Chinese enoki mushrooms in chilli and soft boiled egg and make a copy of a hotpot style dish I have had before in restaurants and it's been pretty much the only moment of happiness lately. Many variations too.

I do love teriyaki tofu too though.

That sounds so good! I struggle to get the motivation/organisation to cook at all really, but if I ever feel able to I'll keep that in mind!