Help Has anybody in substance abuse recovery had experience with going to the hospital for a stay?

[toomuchsicantcommit]

I am a recovering heroin addict on methadone treatment. Every day all I do is sit and think about CTB. Have experienced chronic homelessness for my entire adult life. Have lost all motivation to take care of anything at all, even things as simple as getting up when I need to use the bathroom. I doomscroll literally 24/7 in between spells of dissociating thinking about CTB.
I don't have a single friend… I have a partner, 20 years my senior, that is only with me because I have sex with him but I stay with him because he is the last person in my life and I am terrified of being alone, I have repeatedly reached out to him and he is less than indifferent.
I can't hold a job- at first because of chronic homelessness and now more because I.. just can't. Get. Up.
I used to be so smart and even in college I get straight A's but I'm going to have to drop out before the semster starts- during the winter I lost my first apartment, that I had with said partner, and I am so tired of being homeless. I can't bring myself to go to school while living on the streets, it was hard enough while everything was going "well" last year. I just want a normal life. I want to want to live, but all I think about is CTB because I don't see a future where I ever live up to my potential, where I am not alone. Where I am not waking up dopesick every morning. Where I am not trapped on methadone. Where I finally have the family I never had as a child.

I guess besides a vent, this is me asking anybody who may have experience if it is even worth it to try and see if I can stay at a psych ward (will they will let me while I'm on methadone/have my doses sent over?) Does is help at all? Is there actually people who will help me find housing and get my feet on the ground or are they just going to mildly sedate me for a week and spit me back out? Am I suicidal because that is just how I will always feel, or is it a result of life's circumstances? During that spell last year, where I was housed and semi-happy for the first time in my life, I managed to start college and it almost felt like I was going to be okay. But no matter what happens I always end up at square one again. I know I will never have it easy or be successful.
I just feel like if I actually go through with a voluntary stay and I come out the other side still feeling like this, my attempts will be a lot more successful. The only thing keeping me here is my pure SI- my preferred method is easily accessible to me, as I get enough methadone at a time to guarantee a successful attempt.
Sorry this is so long winded and all over the place. This is my first post here and I am so happy to have found this forum.

 

[ferrie]

I'm in the US, so I can only speak to my experiences here. Whether you have a helpful experience in a psych ward largely depends on what ward you go to. I've been on the ward in two different locations. One was incredibly traumatizing, and one was very helpful & I felt back on the right track at discharge. Unfortunately, terrible psych ward experiences are far more common. In my opinion, you will have a far better experience going to a ward attached to a larger hospital than one that is privatized. When they're attached to hospitals, they tend to have a lot more resources & are less likely to keep people there just for the money. You'll also have less problems continuing your methadone prescription since they'll have in house physicians rather than one who is traveling. It was my experience at the hospital that I also was able to talk to an occupational therapist on top of the social worker & psychiatrist, and she was very helpful with my concerns about finding work & functioning day to day. I don't know if every hospital offers this, but it's more likely than a privatized ward. You can also look up reviews online of the wards in your area to see how people who have been patients there feel about them

 

[toomuchsicantcommit]

I'm in the US, so I can only speak to my experiences here. Whether you have a helpful experience in a psych ward largely depends on what ward you go to. I've been on the ward in two different locations. One was incredibly traumatizing, and one was very helpful & I felt back on the right track at discharge. Unfortunately, terrible psych ward experiences are far more common. In my opinion, you will have a far better experience going to a ward attached to a larger hospital than one that is privatized. When they're attached to hospitals, they tend to have a lot more resources & are less likely to keep people there just for the money. You'll also have less problems continuing your methadone prescription since they'll have in house physicians rather than one who is traveling. It was my experience at the hospital that I also was able to talk to an occupational therapist on top of the social worker & psychiatrist, and she was very helpful with my concerns about finding work & functioning day to day. I don't know if every hospital offers this, but it's more likely than a privatized ward. You can also look up reviews online of the wards in your area to see how people who have been patients there feel about

How do I know if a hospital is privatized? Can a google search on the hospital provide such information? I almost fear that an unpleasant experience would do more damage than skipping the stay altogether. I am just so exhausted from a lifetime of spending every day waiting for time to pass

Ps am I replying to the thread the right way

 

[ferrie]

Yes you can tell from a Google search. The finances of any psychiatric institution should be publically available, but also if it's not literally physically connected with a hospital that provides things other than psychiatric care, it's probably not the ideal location for you. Unpleasant experiences can DEFINITELY make things worse. My last psych ward stay genuinely worsened my PTSD. They can be extremely helpful though if you do find a good hospital

Ps am I replying to the thread the right way

Are you on mobile? When you use the reply or quote functions, make sure your text is outside & underneath the purple box with the text you're responding to
Since you're looking at voluntary too, you can call the hospital & ask for all their policies for the ward. Or you can talk to an intake nurse before you admit. They should have print outs with all the rules & be able to answer questions on if you'd still get your methadone

 

[toomuchsicantcommit]

Yes you can tell from a Google search. The finances of any psychiatric institution should be publically available, but also if it's not literally physically connected with a hospital that provides things other than psychiatric care, it's probably not the ideal location for you. Unpleasant experiences can DEFINITELY make things worse. My last psych ward stay genuinely worsened my PTSD. They can be extremely helpful though if you do find a good hospital

Are you on mobile? When you use the reply or quote functions, make sure your text is outside & underneath the purple box with the text you're responding to

Oh I see where I messed up. Yeah I'm on mobile on my browser! I wish I could download the app but I'm afraid my "partner" would see aha. Thanks so much for the info- I knew privatized hospitals where no good but until you brought this to my attention I didn't realize that literally all of the "reputable" hospitals in my area are privatized.. probably why nobody I have known seems to have had success there.

 

[ferrie]

Oh I see where I messed up. Yeah I'm on mobile on my browser! I wish I could download the app but I'm afraid my "partner" would see aha. Thanks so much for the info- I knew privatized hospitals where no good but until you brought this to my attention I didn't realize that literally all of the "reputable" hospitals in my area are privatized.. probably why nobody I have known seems to have had success there.

Yeah you may have to go out of your general area to find a good hospital, but as long as you're in the same county they would probably be willing to transport you. The actual hospital I went was an hour away & had a cop transport me there & then their transport van brought me home when I was discharged. You would just need to call their intake department if you're unable to transport yourself there