Discussion Has anybody here lost a close relative or friend to suicide?

[heavyeyes]

How did it affect your life? Have you been able to move on?

I thought about not posting this. It hurts to think about. I'm trying to get an idea as to how my suicide will affect my loved ones. Of course there's no predicting exactly what will happen. I can't escape the guilt I feel having to leave them behind.

First my father. Even though we don't always get along I'm quite close with him. We weren't always close but it happened when my mom died suddenly about 14 years ago. I love him so very much and he's the person that worries me the most. He's older now (66 yrs) and I'm afraid this might kill him (literally and figuratively). He's seen firsthand my struggle with mental illness since I was a teen (I'm 29 now). I hope he understands why I've made the decision to ctb. I hope he doesn't ever blame himself because he did everything he possibly could to help me with what resources were available. He did the best he could.

I also have a brother (2 years younger) and unfortunately we've only grown apart since my mom's passing. He's already said he would hate me if I ever killed myself. He's treated me like trash for years. That hurts and I wish we had been closer.

And lastly my 3 best friends. They're the best friends I've ever had. I love them very much. I hope they support each other after I pass. My worst fear is they stop speaking to each other.

 

[Giizmo]

Unfortunately I have experienced this and it is not pleasant at all. It was during a very hard time during my life. I had been recently admitted to a rehab and was there for about 4-5 months. The first day I got out I had found out my close best friend had killed herself and it felt like a gut punch. I immediately resorted back to using opiates but eventually became sober once again. I still think about her and contemplate meeting her one day if there is an afterlife. I will always feel her loss in my heart.

 

[killme78]

i've never lost a loved one to suicide but i can only imagine the pain/guilt they would feel. they're losing their daughter, sister, and best friend anyone would be filled with pain over it i'd leave a note expressing as much as i could how much they helped me while i were here and that i just didn't see a future past pain anymore. i'm sorry you're in so much pain i hope you can figure it out :(

 

[F&Inside]

Hello heavyeyes.
Many years ago I had a friend who suffered from bipolar disorder. I had no idea about it, until he disappeared for a few months and didn't answer the phone. It was then that I called his home and his mother told me that he was in a psychiatric ward and also told me about his disorder.
Apparently he had delusions about saving the world.
Later, when we met again, he told me about his medication, that he didn't like the way he felt. So sometimes he would stop taking his medication.

To make a long story short, he finally took his own life and I never knew how he did it.

I don't know if this experience will help you to predict, but I remember very well how his family reacted.
They were all very very angry. Very unfriendly. Some of us tried to offer condolences and they didn't even look at our face.
In fact, they never spoke again to those of us who were his friends.
I think they turned him into a kind of Taboo.
Well, this was the case with his family.

Personally, the first thing I felt and thought in those moments, is that I wanted him to go on living and he would enjoy all those things he liked to do, but of course, I didn't put myself in his shoes in those moments. Of course, I was sad too.
Well, thankful to have had a good friend.

I hope this experience can be useful to you, I don't know.
Best whises.