Happiness is Chemistry

[dandan]

So I've stored N in my fridge and at the moment im NOT thinking on using it...

at the moment im okay....

okay so it all started couple weeks ago... I had the idea of a business I will build... at the same time I was obtaining Dianabol, a steroid to increase power and muscle or weight, which also has "feel good" properties.

plus I joined the gym few days back, every day in morning I walk couple miles to the gym and also lift weights at 6/7 am before I go to work.

so I started taking 20mg of Dianabol on a daily basis in the morning, I lift more weights, i'm a very skinny dude but I feel okay with it.

plus I have 3 years in my job, and 2 weeks automating and doing c# .Net code automation / testing software.... which is much easier than programming, so that is perfect for me, im an ex programmer.... testing is easier....

so things are working out for me lately, I think its myself and the effor I'm putting, I really feel like Dianabol has nothing to do with this.... but who am I kidding?

I've had real serious mental and emotional problems which at the moment I dont understand why I was feeling like that, i have so much to focus on and so much to do...

Plus I feel "braver" , more couragous, more confident. I just met an ex mate from A.A. and cool, I felt confident and okay to see him even when I left AA.

I liek feeling good, this is my third week taking Dianabol I think... or the second... fuck, I suck... my memory is not that great after ECT and many drug&medication plus couple hits... but 2, 3 weeks of Dianabol I've taken. and im okay.

I have some things to do... so im out of here for now.

 

[pole]

great to hear that you're getting better even if you have the opportunity to CTB right in you're grasps; must be extremely tempting and i commend you for you're strength. take care and i hope you keep getting better. bulk, get bigger, feel more confident than ever and hopefully live life and feel better as a whole.

 

[dandan]

great to hear that you're getting better even if you have the opportunity to CTB right in you're grasps; must be extremely tempting and i commend you for you're strength. take care and i hope you keep getting better. bulk, get bigger, feel more confident than ever and hopefully live life and feel better as a whole.

thank you so much, getting stronger and bulkier, its not bad cause im very skinny so that is great, but that is the extra things...

 

[pole]

thank you so much, getting stronger and bulkier, its not bad cause im very skinny so that is great, but that is the extra things...

Its definitely hard being super skinny and hard to gain weight, i have friends in that same type of situation. But they've gained weight. Just focus on creating a calorie intake goal for yourself and hit it everyday. You can do it.

 

[dandan]

yeah, im doing it.... however im doing this to feel good, getting bulkier is just an extra, what I want is to feel good , like im doing, thanks!!

gaining weight might come as a result... 6,7 more weeks to go...

 

[Letmego. Please]

Hey, good to hear you are feeling calmer & enjoying life a bit more, well a lot more.
I can only send you my best wishes & hope to that it is not all the steroids, many be they can have a resetting kind of effect, either way it is great to read you feeling better.

And some 'if only i was 30 yrs younger' type thoughts.....Sorry my bad, the smutty brain of an old fart

 

[dandan]

thank you for your best wishes,

in the last 20 years, I've had 1 time I believed I might recover, (I had a really good hypnotherapist , I was 26years old)
2nd time, ( when I had a car crash and almost died, and hit my head, and thought that god had saved me, I was 22years old)
3rd time I thought I was going to recover, ( 35years old, when I was given my first and strong dose of an anti-psychotic Risperidone)
4th , another opportunity at life, ( I was 32 years old, and I spent 1 years being Coached, by the human transformation movement, John Hanley kind of therapy)
and a
5th time that I believed I might make it in this life... and thats today taking Steroid Dianabol, pushing it with exercise, completing my goals like if I was still in the human transformation movement(beautiful coaching kind of therapy, very expensive, feels like being robbed, but it was worth it in my case, to learn that I can accomplish anything)

 

[Santiago]

I feel you. Since starting law school I have also had a lot of moments where I don't even have the time to think about or feel my problems.

 

[RM5998]

Well, work sometimes does the trick for me... at least when the code runs. The days when it doesn't run are bad. I hate the fact that my mood swings based on whether the last 5 lines I wrote ran without errors or not.

 

[dandan]

I feel you. Since starting law school I have also had a lot of moments where I don't even have the time to think about or feel my problems.

school was an experience itself,,,,, I love the lack of responsability, only school, thats all I had to do, study and grades.
I always wanted to finish school, actually I would love to be back on those days....
many people say the same shit, now I know why LOL

Well, work sometimes does the trick for me... at least when the code runs. The days when it doesn't run are bad. I hate the fact that my mood swings based on whether the last 5 lines I wrote ran without errors or not.

yeah, and viceversa too!
depending on my mood
is how I write the next lines of code

today has been a good day

 

[Santiago]

school was an experience itself,,,,, I love the lack of responsability, only school, thats all I had to do, study and grades.
I always wanted to finish school, actually I would love to be back on those days....
many people say the same shit, now I know why LOL



yeah, and viceversa too!
depending on my mood
is how I write the next lines of code

today has been a good day

Yeah I get what you are saying. Not in my case though haha I wish. We get bombarded with deadlines.

 

[RM5998]

yeah, and viceversa too!
depending on my mood
is how I write the next lines of code

today has been a good day

I was learning a new framework today, so it was the same for me.
Hopefully tomorrow remains as kind.

 

[dandan]

I was learning a new framework today, so it was the same for me.
Hopefully tomorrow remains as kind.

great good, what ya learning today?

I'm just going into Testing PageObject Model, with C#..



its pretty easy compared to Laravel, Nuxt.js which is what im learning in my spare time

 

[RM5998]

great good, what ya learning today?

I'm just going into Testing PageObject Model, with C#..



its pretty easy compared to Laravel, Nuxt.js which is what im learning in my spare time

I was learning elasticsearch... will continue with that today.

However, I haven't really got any idea about what RESTful API's are supposed to be, so... deciphering some of this might be difficult.

I've picked up bits and pieces of C# while working on my game, which runs on the Unity engine. I'm going to have to learn Scala for real now, because elasticsearch does not have a Python-based integration with Spark.

 

[aspx]

It's good to see how you've evolved. I wish you the best and some good luck with everything you're doing now.

I'm going to have to learn Scala for real now

Scala is quite beautiful and very easy to learn. Haven't used it a lot, but some people claim that it's good to manipulate arrays/lists.

 

[RM5998]

Scala is quite beautiful and very easy to learn. Haven't used it a lot, but some people claim that it's good to manipulate arrays/lists.

Well, that last part is somewhat guaranteed for me, since Spark is made with Scala.

 

[dandan]

I know nothing about scala or elastic search, but I definitley got a good idea cooking up in the oven, and ideas are worthless.... the valuble thing is a well implemented idea... and that i will work on.... good morning guys

 

[RM5998]

I know nothing about scala or elastic search, but I definitley got a good idea cooking up in the oven, and ideas are worthless.... the valuble thing is a well implemented idea... and that i will work on.... good morning guys

Can relate... I have a good idea for a game I want to build. I've made a prototype, some preliminary artwork and written a couple of possible storylines, but it's all worthless because it hasn't been put together yet.

 

[irrelevant_string]

school was an experience itself,,,,, I love the lack of responsability, only school, thats all I had to do, study and grades.
I always wanted to finish school, actually I would love to be back on those days....
many people say the same shit, now I know why LOL

The lack of responsibility is good, but I really hate being told what to learn and when. There's so many things I'm expected to learn in one year that there simply isn't enough time to learn anything properly. I think it would be much better if I could concentrate on one thing at a time and try to really understand the essence of it rather than just work with examples.
Perhaps dropping out of school wouldn't be such a bad idea after all.
I recently realized that I love mathematics much more than programming anyway. Linear algebra is the best!

 

[dandan]

The lack of responsibility is good, but I really hate being told what to learn and when. There's so many things I'm expected to learn in one year that there simply isn't enough time to learn anything properly. I think it would be much better if I could concentrate on one thing at a time and try to really understand the essence of it rather than just work with examples.
Perhaps dropping out of school wouldn't be such a bad idea after all.
I recently realized that I love mathematics much more than programming anyway. Linear algebra is the best!

thats great, I used to love geometry and thought that hows everything is built.....

today I want , need money,, If I only had programmed more during few years I spent trying to get better, I would probably be working at USA for $50 an hour, like some people I know

although money isnt everything, I rather feel good like today (thanks to Dianabol)
than being suicidal and depressed with money

 

[irrelevant_string]

If anything cured my depression just like that, it would seem too good to be true. Well, too good to be harmless.
I don't wanna sound pessimistic, just trying to say that you should be careful, but if you're sure that it really works for you that's great.
I'm taking antidepressants and I'm not sure if it's helping at all but it certainly isn't making me feel any worse. Now I'm not sure what the long terms consequences will be.

When it comes to regrets over decisions in the past I always try to remind myself that it couldn't have been any other way, given how many things are out of my conscious control. Try not to beat yourself up too much.
Improving your mental health should come first, then you can try to work on other things.

 

[dandan]

If anything cured my depression just like that, it would seem too good to be true. Well, too good to be harmless.
I don't wanna sound pessimistic, just trying to say that you should be careful, but if you're sure that it really works for you that's great.
I'm taking antidepressants and I'm not sure if it's helping at all but it certainly isn't making me feel any worse. Now I'm not sure what the long terms consequences will be.

When it comes to regrets over decisions in the past I always try to remind myself that it couldn't have been any other way, given how many things are out of my conscious control. Try not to beat yourself up too much.
Improving your mental health should come first, then you can try to work on other things.

Thought about that a lot, I've taken every medicine prescribed by doctors, a lot, I've done drugs, almost all of them, tried micro dosing with shrooms and lsd because they were suggested, tried a full year of gym because it's good. However dianabol , is an steroid, used by Schwarzenegger since he was 15, is it good for health? Maybe no. Is it good for me?
Are the benefits worth the risks?
Why did I take antidepressants but always was against steroids? Lol
I'm cool man, don't worry about me , it's Saturday 5:15am I don't work today but on my own project, but I'll hit the gym in an hour or two cause I've never been this great. Careful? Let the world take care cause i hope I'm here to stay.

Besides body builders said I'm taking a womans dose, cause it's small.

 

[dandan]

I'm walking to the gym
I'm 37yo and no car

I was about to ctb a few weeks ago
I've taken many antidepressants

After 20years of shit
I found dianabol and feel manly to take on life.

And this guy tells me to be sceptic and careful, fuck, Haha I didn't drink my N and now I gotta be careful .....
Lol

Sure , I'll be careful... it can only be taken for 5-8 weeks depending on the dose, liver damage possible with high doses or depends on genetics, Schwarzenegger did a lot of dianabol back in his days.

A post here said something like , "If you are about to ctb and think you've tried everything, but haven't tried dianabol then you haven't tried everything."

 

[Deivis]

I'm walking to the gym
I'm 37yo and no car


Sure , I'll be careful... it can only be taken for 5-8 weeks depending on the dose, liver damage possible with high doses or depends on genetics, Schwarzenegger did a lot of dianabol back in his days.

A post here said something like , "If you are about to ctb and think you've tried everything, but haven't tried dianabol then you haven't tried everything."

Dude, hormones can do miracles for sure. Especially if one has low testosterone.
I'd speculate that 80% of male depression cases can be fixed with steroids and good income (money).
Often it's a vicious cycle - no energy from fucked up hormones -> no reason to fight for the money -> more depression.

You're doing the right thing. At 37 its a must. When you know more about your hormones (dosage, different types of pharma),
just stick with some right regimen (TRT).

I've never tried bc I'm scared but I'm thinking maybe I should.

 

[dandan]

well, people who are selling this things they all advice / suggest very similar regimen and pills to take care during consumption and after consumption of the steroid cycle, three people saying the same thing, I guess its like a good advice. hormone injections after the cycle so the body starts producing its own testosterone, and so on... sure everybody is different, at the moment im better than the last many years.